FREEDOM

Good evening, dear readers!  Well, it has been the requisite two weeks since I told you I had some news to share with you so tonight is the night...  The time has come that I can close one major chapter in the book of things that has happened since the divorce.  When the wasband left, I had a huge financial decision to make -- file for bankruptcy or to enter credit counseling.  After weighing the pros and cons of both, I made the decision for myself to enter credit counseling (looking back, I think some of my decision was based on my stubbornness but that's beside the point now).  After years of having that monthly reminder taken from my checking account, I can proudly say that I have made my final payment!  There were times I seriously questioned my decision and wondered if I should've just declared bankruptcy but I am proud of myself for seeing it through until the end.  I know it's going to take some getting used to that this chapter is closed but it is a VERY good feeling!

I feel as if making this last payment truly signifies the end of all of my divorce mess/headaches.  I have had no contact with the wasband for years (thankfully) but I have had this connection to him as long as these payments have still had to be paid.  I know that I felt by having to enter credit counseling I was a failure (and that feeling runs true with being divorced as well) but I know it was a responsible thing for me to do.  With this last payment, I feel as if I really am free.  It's a good feeling.

One of the ways I've already planned on "rewarding" myself for this accomplishment is I'm going to order myself another belly dance sword.  Yes, this new one will make sword #4 and I am totally okay with that.  Mom showed me this particular sword when I was on vacation this summer and I've been dreaming of it since.  When she showed it to me, she recommended that I wait to order it until I had made this last payment and look at it as if I'm slicing free from my past and look towards my future.  I look forward to that.

I know that having all of this debt paid off and my new sword aren't going to "fix" me but I feel as if I can really start a new chapter of my life.  I'm going to try and be responsible with having this 'extra' money every month and am going to put some money aside into a savings account for when those unexpected expenses come up (both good unexpected expenses and not so good unexpected expenses).  Yes, it may take some self discipline because it'll be nice not to have to worry about that money automatically getting pulled out of my account each month but it will also be a real sense of relief.

Well, my dear readers, I think I'm going to sign off for the evening.  I know that I have a long week ahead of me at work and I have a performance to prepare for this weekend (and one next weekend as well).  I hope we all have opportunities to find/show our muchness this upcoming week.  I know one of my biggest muchness moments comes from knowing I can close yet another section of my divorce.

{On another note, I have been so excited about paying off the last of my credit counseling bill that I forgot to thank you for being loyal readers for yet another year of Gypsy's Quest.  Can you believe we've been together for 4 years?!  Thank you for believing in me from day 1 and helping me along this journey!  If you have joined us since then, thanks for joining me along my quest!  THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart!  ~ Gypsy}

inspiration

Good evening, dear readers!  I am very body tired as I write this but I have some things that I want to write to you about.  In the last two days, we had three 30-minute dance performances and I danced my sword solo at each performance.  After the second performance today, I had several different women approach me and tell me what an inspiration I was to them as I was dancing.  One woman told me that even though there may have been other dancers who were skinnier than me that she thought I had much better control over my body than they did and that my movements were sexier than theirs.  I had an older woman also approach me and she told me that I needed to promise her that I would never stop dancing because I made her feel so much joy as she watched me and I need to share that with others.  Both of those women told me things that I needed to hear.

I was very tired after the first performance today and I retreated to the "safe" place in my head.  I know that it's not always a good idea to go into your head alone or to believe all of the thoughts that float around in there but that's the place I went to.  When the second performance of today started I was really hoping that I would have the energy to make it through all of the numbers.  As we began to dance, the crowd went NUTS!  Because I was having so much fun performing for and to the audience I forgot how tired I was and I just danced.  It was exhilarating.  Not that I remember much of it, but I know I did some new things during my sword solo and I hope that I can remember enough to use them in the next performance.

I know that I'm not 100% where I want to be with my dancing but I do acknowledge that I am learning more and am improving with each performance opportunity.  I hope that some of the people we passed out "first class free" cards come to the studio and that more people can learn about this dance form that celebrates women (and men) of all shapes and sizes.  Yes, there are times that I complain about my body shape/size but I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never be a size 2 and I don't think I'd want to be even if it were possible.

Well, my dear readers, there is more that I'd like to write about but I am unfortunately falling asleep at my keyboard.  Thankfully I have tomorrow off of work and I am looking forward to sleeping in late.  Before I head off to dreamland, I have a challenge for you -- think about what inspires you this week and try and do something that may inspire others!  =)