This past week was whirlwind of challenges and emotions for me. It started out with a confrontational situation last Sunday that had to do with work that left me feeling exhausted. Through work, we had to deal with another department where something got messed up and I had to deal with it. On my day off, I had to go into their building, deal with someone at the service desk (who didn't introduce herself, nor was she wearing her name tag) and I called her on her attitude when dealing with me. On Monday, I got a call from her direct supervisor to find out what happened. I filled her in and within 30 minutes, I had an apology email from the employee I had to deal with in person. Did that email completely rectify things? No. But I was glad that I was able to bring the situation to light and hopefully keep something similar from happening to someone else.
I had another situation come up at work where I stood up for myself in a conversation with my boss. I wasn't completing a particular task to her timetable (even though it was going to be completed before it was needed) and when she asked me about it, she asked me (in what I felt was a condescending tone) what she could personally remove from my plate in order to get this task accomplished. I definitely don't like to be talked down to nor do I like it being made to seem as if I'm not going to complete a task by the deadline - so I called her on it.
Most people wouldn't see either of these interactions as particularly overwhelming or exhausting but as an introvert (and someone who is very introverted), I find situations such as this very taxing. I realize that not everyone understands how I can be introverted when I'm a belly dancer and I wear wild/colorful/patterned clothing and have colored/crazy hair, but how I feel inside and how people closest to me know me, I am an introvert. I came across an online group this week for introverts and I joined it - it's nice to know that there are people out there who feel like I do, who "get" me, and yet I'll never have to interact in person with them! There is a comfort in that fact. There is also a comfort in realizing how many of my immediate family are also introverts or have introvert tendencies.
This past week, I also had to complete some pre-coursework for a conference/training I'm headed to next week and it left me feeling pretty low. I am taking a course at this upcoming conference/training which allows managers to see what their personality type is and how they can/can't work with other personality types. In the pre-coursework, we were supposed to answer questions based on how we see ourselves as a manager and to not overthink the questions/answers but to answer honestly about ourselves. Naturally, I overthought the questions/answers and at the end of the 25 questions (each question had four parts to it), I felt as if I must come across to people as a cold-hearted robot/witch and that I would rather take over projects because I am a control freak. I'm not a control freak but I am a major perfectionist and I would rather just do a task/project myself vs. entrusting someone else to do it -- maybe that does make me a control freak, I don't know...
One of the great things I got to do happened today - one of my all time favorite movies was playing at the movie theatre and I took the entire afternoon to go and watch/enjoy it. I love the movie "Gone With the Wind" and even though I spent most of my day on it, I think it was just how I needed to spend my time. I don't always take the opportunities to do things for me and even though I had a dance performance Friday after work and another one that took most of my day yesterday (spent almost 5 hours driving to and from the location for 15 minutes on stage) but when I found out that "Gone With the Wind" would be playing, even on this busy weekend, I knew that I wanted to take the time for me to enjoy it. I think some of the reasons I enjoy it so much is I can relate to Scarlett, have a Mom who embraces Mammy at times, was married to a man like Ashley (even though I need someone like Rhett) and I draw strength from being around family/home.
Well, my dear readers, I have quite a bit to accomplish at work in this upcoming week as I will be out of the building all next week for travel, so I should probably bring this to a close in order to prepare for the week ahead. I know it is also going to be hectic as I am short staffed and the kids go back to school this week which always adds a different dimension to how they act (but after 8 weeks of summer programming, the staff and myself are SO ready for the kids to go back to school!). I hope you embrace opportunities for you this week and thank you for joining me along my journey! =)
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Frustration levels
I am realizing that this past week became more about survival at work rather than me enjoying some of the things that happened. I think this was bound to happen at this point in the summer as we just finished week seven of summer programming; I have put in approximately 430 hours at work (and that doesn't count the amount of work I have put in at home) and I am ready for this next week and a half to be done and over with. Just to put it into perspective, "normal" full-time for these last seven weeks would have given me 280 hours. Yes, summer coming to an end provides new sets of challenges as we roll into the beginning of the school year and are understaffed but it will end up working one way or another...
One of the things that I have been struggling with lately is my boss taking credit for things that I do when they go well but criticizing me when things don't go well. I don't know why it should overly surprise me because it's been going on for quite some time now but that doesn't mean I have to like it or that it's not going to frustrate me. Maybe it's just too reminiscent of group projects from school which an introvert such as myself always hated being forced into participating in with the result me doing the bulk of the work and everyone in the group "earning" the same grade that I did - I always found that to be extremely frustrating. In a couple of weeks I will be attending a work conference where I'm slated to attend a two-day training on working with different personality types - maybe this will help my frustration levels since they are at an all time high.
Another reason I'm looking forward to going to this particular conference is I'll be meeting up with a good friend of mine who lives/works on the opposite coast and I am looking forward to seeing her again. She and her family used to live here and she and I worked together. We started forming our friendship right after the wasband and I split and she would eat my blue m&m's for me (I don't eat blue things). Yes, she and I have a weird friendship but she gets me for me and I appreciate her for that. We'll be in a different learning track but we'll be able to meet up in our "off time" to catch up. It'll be nice to have someone to spend time with who gets me who isn't family.
There was a situation at my apartment this week that almost ended in disaster... I put my dogs on leash to let them out for the last time for the evening, I opened the door and in the bush right outside my door was a skunk! Luckily my dogs were on retractable leashes and I could haul their little butts back in the apartment and slam the door before the skunk sprayed. We unfortunately had to still go outside for them to do their evening business but it was the quickest potty break they have ever done so that was a bonus. Another bonus is that I have a air purifier right inside my apartment so I just turned it to the maximum setting and had it set on that for a day and a half so the scent could dissipate. It was not a fun situation but it definitely could have been a whole lot worse!
This upcoming week isn't going to just be busy at work but at the dance studio as well. We have two performances this week one on Friday that's here locally and one on Saturday that's approximately and hour and a half drive (one way) from here. We're doing the same dances at both gigs but we can wear different costumes to the shows. And then next weekend, we're performing again at a local festival where I've been invited to solo. I'm slightly nervous about the solo but I'm sure that all will be well - at all of the performances.
Well my dear readers, since I have a busy week at work and dance, I should probably think about bringing this to a close, get myself together for the week ahead (or at least tomorrow) and heading to bed. I hope that you have a week ahead where you can be yourselves with the least amount of drama/frustration as possible for you. Thanks for joining me! =)
One of the things that I have been struggling with lately is my boss taking credit for things that I do when they go well but criticizing me when things don't go well. I don't know why it should overly surprise me because it's been going on for quite some time now but that doesn't mean I have to like it or that it's not going to frustrate me. Maybe it's just too reminiscent of group projects from school which an introvert such as myself always hated being forced into participating in with the result me doing the bulk of the work and everyone in the group "earning" the same grade that I did - I always found that to be extremely frustrating. In a couple of weeks I will be attending a work conference where I'm slated to attend a two-day training on working with different personality types - maybe this will help my frustration levels since they are at an all time high.
Another reason I'm looking forward to going to this particular conference is I'll be meeting up with a good friend of mine who lives/works on the opposite coast and I am looking forward to seeing her again. She and her family used to live here and she and I worked together. We started forming our friendship right after the wasband and I split and she would eat my blue m&m's for me (I don't eat blue things). Yes, she and I have a weird friendship but she gets me for me and I appreciate her for that. We'll be in a different learning track but we'll be able to meet up in our "off time" to catch up. It'll be nice to have someone to spend time with who gets me who isn't family.
There was a situation at my apartment this week that almost ended in disaster... I put my dogs on leash to let them out for the last time for the evening, I opened the door and in the bush right outside my door was a skunk! Luckily my dogs were on retractable leashes and I could haul their little butts back in the apartment and slam the door before the skunk sprayed. We unfortunately had to still go outside for them to do their evening business but it was the quickest potty break they have ever done so that was a bonus. Another bonus is that I have a air purifier right inside my apartment so I just turned it to the maximum setting and had it set on that for a day and a half so the scent could dissipate. It was not a fun situation but it definitely could have been a whole lot worse!
This upcoming week isn't going to just be busy at work but at the dance studio as well. We have two performances this week one on Friday that's here locally and one on Saturday that's approximately and hour and a half drive (one way) from here. We're doing the same dances at both gigs but we can wear different costumes to the shows. And then next weekend, we're performing again at a local festival where I've been invited to solo. I'm slightly nervous about the solo but I'm sure that all will be well - at all of the performances.
Well my dear readers, since I have a busy week at work and dance, I should probably think about bringing this to a close, get myself together for the week ahead (or at least tomorrow) and heading to bed. I hope that you have a week ahead where you can be yourselves with the least amount of drama/frustration as possible for you. Thanks for joining me! =)
Sunday, July 17, 2016
"You are the weakest link, goodbye!"
There are times that I wish I could just make things stop. I wish I could stop the chaos at work. I wish I could stop the crazy at the dance studio. I wish I could stop the pressures I put on myself. Since that makes three wishes, I'm going to stop there - I also want to stop because I don't want it to seem as if I'm feeling overly sorry for myself...
At work, we just finished week 6 of 8 of summer programming and I ended up working Monday - Saturday for approximately a 72.5 hour work week. Boy am I tired... I know not sleeping well is also and attributing factor but I know a lot of being tired is from just too much. I have had a certain friend this past week tell me that she can't help me anymore if I don't get my depression under control and I responded to her that I don't feel as if I'm depressed but that I am suffering from burnout. Now I'm not an expert, so there may be some depression involved but I think the bulk of what I have going on is burnout. I have heard before that burnout comes when someone who executes tasks with passion and they push themselves beyond the point of having anything left to give they experience burnout. I feel as if that is where I am.
When I was talking with my Mom today, she and I came to the realization that in no area of my life do I have the opportunity to just "coast" or that I'm not being called upon in one way or another to be the "expert." Because of this, I don't have the opportunity to "switch off," relax and to help avoid the burnout. I'm also so busy picking up the work of others that I don't seem to have time to breathe at times let alone get the tasks accomplished that are my responsibility. There are times I wish I had the opportunity to tell people, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and either have them disappear through some sort of a trapdoor or to be able to have a robot with a laser take care of them (thanks, Doctor Who for that idea). Maybe I will just have to work on having that as a metal image in those situations I find myself in since I can't actually make it happen...
This past week, while I was driving home after a very long day at work, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before but it resonated with me down to my core. It's been awhile since I've come across a song like that and luckily I was at a red light so I could grab my phone and figure out what song it was. The song is called "Stand in the Light" and it is by the artist Jordan Smith. The song itself is powerful but then I searched for and watched the music video when I got home and I was almost moved to tears. In the song it says, "stand in the light and be seen as we are," which is something that we all (me included) struggle with at times. It's nice to have the song as a reminder and it has already found it's way onto my music playlist.
I think because I've been busy/stressed/burned out, I haven't made myself as much of a priority. Granted, I have started to get my hair colored again (which has been lots of fun) as well as I've been getting my nails done. I got my nails done this past Saturday and the color I picked the nail technician tried to talk me out of because it's not a color they use often but it's a lot of fun - it's a hot pink color and it definitely stands out. A saying I came across that I am going to work on embracing is "stand up and own who you are." This is something I am going to work on and I am going to find a way somehow to make myself a priority.
With this process, Mom and I thought something that might help is finding a situation where I wouldn't be seen as an "expert" and I can just relax into the moment. As a perfectionist, I would have to leave that at the door, but I do think it would be good for me overall. One of the situations I've considered is attending one of those wine/painting nights and go into it realizing that I'm going to end up with a bad painting but at least I'll get a drink or two out of it. But I do think it would be beneficial in the long run (even if someone would be telling me, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!").
Since I have another long week ahead, I should probably bring this to a close and attempt to get some sleep tonight. I'm not sure how well that's going to go but I'm going to give it my best effort. Thanks for joining me, my dear readers and I hope you don't have anyone telling you, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and if you do, just smile and be who you are! =)
At work, we just finished week 6 of 8 of summer programming and I ended up working Monday - Saturday for approximately a 72.5 hour work week. Boy am I tired... I know not sleeping well is also and attributing factor but I know a lot of being tired is from just too much. I have had a certain friend this past week tell me that she can't help me anymore if I don't get my depression under control and I responded to her that I don't feel as if I'm depressed but that I am suffering from burnout. Now I'm not an expert, so there may be some depression involved but I think the bulk of what I have going on is burnout. I have heard before that burnout comes when someone who executes tasks with passion and they push themselves beyond the point of having anything left to give they experience burnout. I feel as if that is where I am.
When I was talking with my Mom today, she and I came to the realization that in no area of my life do I have the opportunity to just "coast" or that I'm not being called upon in one way or another to be the "expert." Because of this, I don't have the opportunity to "switch off," relax and to help avoid the burnout. I'm also so busy picking up the work of others that I don't seem to have time to breathe at times let alone get the tasks accomplished that are my responsibility. There are times I wish I had the opportunity to tell people, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and either have them disappear through some sort of a trapdoor or to be able to have a robot with a laser take care of them (thanks, Doctor Who for that idea). Maybe I will just have to work on having that as a metal image in those situations I find myself in since I can't actually make it happen...
This past week, while I was driving home after a very long day at work, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before but it resonated with me down to my core. It's been awhile since I've come across a song like that and luckily I was at a red light so I could grab my phone and figure out what song it was. The song is called "Stand in the Light" and it is by the artist Jordan Smith. The song itself is powerful but then I searched for and watched the music video when I got home and I was almost moved to tears. In the song it says, "stand in the light and be seen as we are," which is something that we all (me included) struggle with at times. It's nice to have the song as a reminder and it has already found it's way onto my music playlist.
I think because I've been busy/stressed/burned out, I haven't made myself as much of a priority. Granted, I have started to get my hair colored again (which has been lots of fun) as well as I've been getting my nails done. I got my nails done this past Saturday and the color I picked the nail technician tried to talk me out of because it's not a color they use often but it's a lot of fun - it's a hot pink color and it definitely stands out. A saying I came across that I am going to work on embracing is "stand up and own who you are." This is something I am going to work on and I am going to find a way somehow to make myself a priority.
With this process, Mom and I thought something that might help is finding a situation where I wouldn't be seen as an "expert" and I can just relax into the moment. As a perfectionist, I would have to leave that at the door, but I do think it would be good for me overall. One of the situations I've considered is attending one of those wine/painting nights and go into it realizing that I'm going to end up with a bad painting but at least I'll get a drink or two out of it. But I do think it would be beneficial in the long run (even if someone would be telling me, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!").
Since I have another long week ahead, I should probably bring this to a close and attempt to get some sleep tonight. I'm not sure how well that's going to go but I'm going to give it my best effort. Thanks for joining me, my dear readers and I hope you don't have anyone telling you, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and if you do, just smile and be who you are! =)
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.....
This past week I determined that while 3-day weekends are nice, they are just enough to throw everything off. The biggest thing with a 3-day weekend is, you have four days to cram five days worth of work (I ended up working approximately 52 hours in four days - and I still didn't feel as if I got everything I should have accomplished). I know one of my problems is I feel as if I'm still focusing on achieving tasks perfectly rather than just accomplishing them but it is something that I'm trying to work on. One of the things I'm trying to do is keep a better "to do" list for things to achieve throughout the week and I'm hoping that it will help keep me on task at work.
There are times I question how thin I spread myself on a regular basis and wonder how much of "me" I lose in the process every time I stretch myself even thinner (by the way, I wish stretching myself thin in this sense actually worked in changing my physical appearance but that's a different topic...). Not only do I have the amount of work I attempt to tackle each week (and this upcoming week, I get to work Saturday too for a parent's date afternoon/evening...), I have dance, thankfully choir is taking the month of July off but I have been asked to solo one Sunday, I have a week-long conference coming up next month, and I don't know how to say "no" to any of it. One of the things I would like to say "no" to is singing at church, not because I don't necessarily want to do it, but I don't have the time to put into preparing for it. I need to decide in the next day or two if I'm going to solo and even though I don't want to disappoint anyone, I need to make the best decision for me.
This next week at work, we are entering week 6 of summer programming and the theme is "sports." While I know next to nothing about sports, I have been asked to bring in some of my dance stuff (swords included) to introduce belly dance as an "alternative sport." I am excited to introduce them to the other side of me by showing my dance items however, I am a little nervous on how it's going to come across. Not only am I nervous about showing them some of the dance stuff, I am also nervous about taking the swords in - I am going to be as safe as possible and I'm going to cap the tips but you just never know what might happen.
At the dance studio the other night, we did a breathing/visualization exercise that left me with some more frustrations than relaxation. We were instructed to lie on our backs while the instructor led us through quieting our breathing and visualizing a cube moving in different directions starting from our core. After the exercise, my instructor asked me how I was doing since I had been quiet through the class. Because I couldn't think of any other way to explain it, I said, to put it in perspective, my box was covered with spikes.
I don't necessarily do well with these types of visualization exercises because they allow my brain to wonder to all of the things I need to accomplish, am behind on, "should be" doing, have screwed up on, etc. These are the reasons why I don't do well with yoga either I think. Even though I struggle with these things, it might not be a bad thing for me to try and overcome. Rather than focusing on the "wrongs" or "errors," it might be an opportunity for me to examine the situation, say "yes, this was the result" and then move on from it. We'll see if that might be a better alternative for me...
To add yet another monkey wrench into things, I just got a text from a staff member telling me that they are still sick (she went home early on Thursday and was off on Friday) and she won't be coming in tomorrow and who knows when she'll be in next. She is planning on going to the doctor tomorrow and giving me a note that says when she'll be better enough to come in. I'm kind of surprised that she needs more time off since all she told me is that she was getting chills and had an upset stomach. I'm not exactly sure how much time off of work that warrants but I guess I'll see from whatever note I get tomorrow.
I guess one of the things that frustrates me is that I'm one who powers through being sick and come to work regardless. I realize that not everyone has that same mentality but when you work in a setting like we do where children depend on you being there (we are required to meet certain ratios of staff to children), it makes it really difficult when someone calls out sick. Granted, depending on what she has, it's probably better that she stays home and I suppose I should give her the benefit of the doubt and find out what her doctor is telling her before I get too nuts over the situation - but I find that difficult.
Well, my dear readers, I have once again given myself some things to think about and work on so I should probably sign off so I can somehow prepare myself for the week ahead. I want to challenge myself to look at the bigger picture when I find myself questioning decisions made or how an aspect of my job was completed (or why it might not have been completed) - is it something that I can learn from or do I just need to move on from that situation? Things to think about anyway. Thanks for joining me along my quest! =)
There are times I question how thin I spread myself on a regular basis and wonder how much of "me" I lose in the process every time I stretch myself even thinner (by the way, I wish stretching myself thin in this sense actually worked in changing my physical appearance but that's a different topic...). Not only do I have the amount of work I attempt to tackle each week (and this upcoming week, I get to work Saturday too for a parent's date afternoon/evening...), I have dance, thankfully choir is taking the month of July off but I have been asked to solo one Sunday, I have a week-long conference coming up next month, and I don't know how to say "no" to any of it. One of the things I would like to say "no" to is singing at church, not because I don't necessarily want to do it, but I don't have the time to put into preparing for it. I need to decide in the next day or two if I'm going to solo and even though I don't want to disappoint anyone, I need to make the best decision for me.
This next week at work, we are entering week 6 of summer programming and the theme is "sports." While I know next to nothing about sports, I have been asked to bring in some of my dance stuff (swords included) to introduce belly dance as an "alternative sport." I am excited to introduce them to the other side of me by showing my dance items however, I am a little nervous on how it's going to come across. Not only am I nervous about showing them some of the dance stuff, I am also nervous about taking the swords in - I am going to be as safe as possible and I'm going to cap the tips but you just never know what might happen.
At the dance studio the other night, we did a breathing/visualization exercise that left me with some more frustrations than relaxation. We were instructed to lie on our backs while the instructor led us through quieting our breathing and visualizing a cube moving in different directions starting from our core. After the exercise, my instructor asked me how I was doing since I had been quiet through the class. Because I couldn't think of any other way to explain it, I said, to put it in perspective, my box was covered with spikes.
I don't necessarily do well with these types of visualization exercises because they allow my brain to wonder to all of the things I need to accomplish, am behind on, "should be" doing, have screwed up on, etc. These are the reasons why I don't do well with yoga either I think. Even though I struggle with these things, it might not be a bad thing for me to try and overcome. Rather than focusing on the "wrongs" or "errors," it might be an opportunity for me to examine the situation, say "yes, this was the result" and then move on from it. We'll see if that might be a better alternative for me...
To add yet another monkey wrench into things, I just got a text from a staff member telling me that they are still sick (she went home early on Thursday and was off on Friday) and she won't be coming in tomorrow and who knows when she'll be in next. She is planning on going to the doctor tomorrow and giving me a note that says when she'll be better enough to come in. I'm kind of surprised that she needs more time off since all she told me is that she was getting chills and had an upset stomach. I'm not exactly sure how much time off of work that warrants but I guess I'll see from whatever note I get tomorrow.
I guess one of the things that frustrates me is that I'm one who powers through being sick and come to work regardless. I realize that not everyone has that same mentality but when you work in a setting like we do where children depend on you being there (we are required to meet certain ratios of staff to children), it makes it really difficult when someone calls out sick. Granted, depending on what she has, it's probably better that she stays home and I suppose I should give her the benefit of the doubt and find out what her doctor is telling her before I get too nuts over the situation - but I find that difficult.
Well, my dear readers, I have once again given myself some things to think about and work on so I should probably sign off so I can somehow prepare myself for the week ahead. I want to challenge myself to look at the bigger picture when I find myself questioning decisions made or how an aspect of my job was completed (or why it might not have been completed) - is it something that I can learn from or do I just need to move on from that situation? Things to think about anyway. Thanks for joining me along my quest! =)
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Spectacular
Yesterday I did something that I haven't done in awhile - I took the day off from the dance studio and I went to get my hair colored and nails done. My hair is currently four colors - my "normal" black, purple, blue and wild orchid - and I think it's a lot of fun. After I got my hair colored, I went and got my nails done - I had artificial nails put on and they are painted blue topped with colored glitter. It's been eight weeks since the last time I got my hair colored and I don't even know the last time that I got my nails done but yesterday was the day to do things for me.
I was reminded of a quote this past week from the movie Jack; "make your life spectacular." It has caused me to question if/how I am making my own life to be spectacular. There are different aspects of my life where I've noticed that I have allowed myself to enter a rut rather than bringing sparkle and muchness into my life and I don't like it. I know in my head that it is up to me to change things around but I don't know how. I think one of the things that would help in turning things in a different direction would be me to stop feeling the need to explain myself or hide myself away out of fear of people not understanding/getting me. I'm weird and different - so what?! Why am I constantly trying to hide that away?
Even as I'm writing this now, I'm struggling a bit. I have written this a couple of different ways and have deleted it for whatever reason. I don't know if it's the "people pleaser" in me and the fact I know that pushing the envelope isn't always so readily accepted but I can't keep hiding myself away just because it's easier than trying to explain it.
Today, the church that I attend, inducted a new pastor. I opted to make the day off partly because of tension between the old pastor and myself and partly because of just wanting a day off since the dance troupe is in a parade tomorrow and I wanted to rest. There is a small street fair happening after the parade tomorrow and the church has a food booth; some of the members of the church have asked me to stop by, in costume, to say hi. If the new pastor is there, I might as well introduce him to the "real" me right from the start and not try to explain myself away.
While I was running errands today, I was pushing my cart and paying attention to what I was looking for in a particular aisle, when a man approached me and said, "I really like your jacket and hair; they are very colorful and pretty and it makes me smile." Now this gentleman obviously had some sort of a delay (sorry, comes from working with all sorts of people over the years) but I admired him for his courage to say something and I told him so. I also told him that by him telling me that, it brought a smile to my face - that made his smile even bigger as he walked away. It was one of those out of the blue interactions that make being different/weird worth it. I had a similar interaction this past week in a drive-thru; I was at the window and the worker said that they liked my sparkly glasses and wished they could get away with wearing glitter at work but couldn't; I recommended that she wear glitter nail polish on her toes so she would at least know she was wearing it - she told me that she never had thought of that and the idea made her day. Sometimes it's just the little things but they are important. Plus, neither interaction really cost me anything and it made both parties involved feel good.
Well, my dear readers, I am going to take these two interactions and work towards making my life spectacular - I hope you find ways to do the same. I know, for me personally, making my life spectacular is going to involve muchness and weirdness. Thank you for joining me along this journey! =)
I was reminded of a quote this past week from the movie Jack; "make your life spectacular." It has caused me to question if/how I am making my own life to be spectacular. There are different aspects of my life where I've noticed that I have allowed myself to enter a rut rather than bringing sparkle and muchness into my life and I don't like it. I know in my head that it is up to me to change things around but I don't know how. I think one of the things that would help in turning things in a different direction would be me to stop feeling the need to explain myself or hide myself away out of fear of people not understanding/getting me. I'm weird and different - so what?! Why am I constantly trying to hide that away?
Even as I'm writing this now, I'm struggling a bit. I have written this a couple of different ways and have deleted it for whatever reason. I don't know if it's the "people pleaser" in me and the fact I know that pushing the envelope isn't always so readily accepted but I can't keep hiding myself away just because it's easier than trying to explain it.
Today, the church that I attend, inducted a new pastor. I opted to make the day off partly because of tension between the old pastor and myself and partly because of just wanting a day off since the dance troupe is in a parade tomorrow and I wanted to rest. There is a small street fair happening after the parade tomorrow and the church has a food booth; some of the members of the church have asked me to stop by, in costume, to say hi. If the new pastor is there, I might as well introduce him to the "real" me right from the start and not try to explain myself away.
While I was running errands today, I was pushing my cart and paying attention to what I was looking for in a particular aisle, when a man approached me and said, "I really like your jacket and hair; they are very colorful and pretty and it makes me smile." Now this gentleman obviously had some sort of a delay (sorry, comes from working with all sorts of people over the years) but I admired him for his courage to say something and I told him so. I also told him that by him telling me that, it brought a smile to my face - that made his smile even bigger as he walked away. It was one of those out of the blue interactions that make being different/weird worth it. I had a similar interaction this past week in a drive-thru; I was at the window and the worker said that they liked my sparkly glasses and wished they could get away with wearing glitter at work but couldn't; I recommended that she wear glitter nail polish on her toes so she would at least know she was wearing it - she told me that she never had thought of that and the idea made her day. Sometimes it's just the little things but they are important. Plus, neither interaction really cost me anything and it made both parties involved feel good.
Well, my dear readers, I am going to take these two interactions and work towards making my life spectacular - I hope you find ways to do the same. I know, for me personally, making my life spectacular is going to involve muchness and weirdness. Thank you for joining me along this journey! =)
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