interesting....

I thought I was going to do something yesterday that left me feeling accomplished but it has just left me feeling frustrated instead.  Friday night, after an extremely long week at work, I noticed that one of my headlights was burned out.  After looking up a tutorial online to see how to change it, I decided to try my hand at it.  I was able to change out the bulb but as I was putting everything back together again, I dropped the retaining clip that holds the bulb itself in place.  From what I've read online, other people have done the same thing only to find out that the clip cannot be replaced without replacing the whole headlight mechanism which is an expensive piece of equipment.  I'm going to check around some for myself if I can get the clip but I'm not necessarily going to hold my breath for that to be a possibility...  I know that I should be proud of myself for changing it out in the first place but I'm kicking myself for the stupidity of dropping it and not being able to find where it fell to.

Before the headlight debacle yesterday, I had the opportunity to be introduced as the "featured dancer" of a performance.  Several weeks ago, I danced for a someone at her weekly show and she asked me if I could come back for yesterday's show.  I didn't know that she was going to have me as the "featured dancer" until a couple of days before the show.  When I got to the show yesterday, I found out there were only two other dancers so that intimidated me some.  It also intimidated me some that the other two dancers were very traditional dancers where I am definitely more of a modern/fusion dancer.  When my music started, all of those doubts went away and I just danced (I wish I would've smiled a bit more but it's a work in progress).  I got compliments after the show that I did a fabulous job and that my hands were extremely expressive.  I was glad to hear that because I often feel as if my dance weakness is my hands.  Glad to know that my work on them has paid off.

This coming weekend I have the opportunity to dance for what I believe is a very worthy organization. The organization uses belly dance to teach self esteem and positive body image to high school girls.  I really wish there would have been an organization such as this when I was in high school - not only for myself but others I knew as well.  I'm not 100% sure how my life would have changed if this type of program would've been made available to me earlier in life but I know that it would have been different.  I have struggled with having a very low self body image most of my life (yes, I have spurts where I like how I look but they tend to be few and far between) and know that there's a difference between having those around you tell you that you look good vs. believing it for yourself.

I have been working over the last few years to change how I see my body when I look in the mirror.  I have gone on crazy diets, tried numerous different workouts, and done different combinations of the two.  I don't know if I just haven't found the right combination for my body type or if I've stopped too soon but I'm back to seeing no results.  I know that I've been putting lots of extra hours into work (both at the building and working from home) so I haven't had a lot of extra time for "me."  I know I need to change that and make myself a priority.  Or at least make myself more of a priority.

I had someone use a word with me this past week at work that is still bouncing around in my brain.  I have been working between the two buildings at work and spending the bulk of my time at the other building.  This particular person said to me that they felt I had "abandoned" them at the building (they work in the building that I'm not spending as much time in anymore) and that is the word that has stuck with me.  That word of abandonment takes me back to how I felt when the wasband left.  I felt 100% abandoned by him and I definitely didn't like that feeling (honestly, who would?).  In the moment, I didn't confront the person and looking back, I wish that I would have.  If the subject comes up again, I think I am going to say something and just ask them to please keep their opinions to themselves.

Well, my dear readers, there is more that I could write for this evening however, I do have some more work that I would like to accomplish before going to bed tonight.  I hope you have a wonderful week and that you have opportunities to let your freak flags fly (something that I'm going to try and find opportunities to do and if they don't readily present themselves, to make those opportunities happen for myself).