The ordeal with my car is finally over and my "baby" is safe and sound back in my driveway where it belongs. The person who was assigned to be my point of contact at the shop (the lady who didn't want me to be mad at her) called me on Tuesday this past week to let me know the needed parts arrived, the repairs on my car were complete and my car was ready and waiting for me. When I reminded her that I would not be picking up my car until the weekend she seemed flabbergasted and said "but it's ready and waiting for you and it's going to be sad..." Really? It's a car. It doesn't acre if it has to sit on the back lot for a few days until I can pick it up... Oh, well. As I said, the ordeal is over and I (hopefully) don't have to take the car back for another year.
I heard something this past week on TV that has stayed with me. I couldn't tell you what show it was on, why it was said or the context but I remember what was said: "it's not about the screw up, it's about the recovery." While that's easier said than done, it's something that I know I need to work on; if nothing else for my own mental well being... I am one that not only dwells on the screw up, I beat myself up over it, will over analyze it, beat myself up more over it, have difficulty forgiving myself for the screw up and then tend to have another screw up (or two or three) because I'm focusing on said screw up. Since I'm hyper-focused on the screw up itself, I have trouble moving on to the stage of recovery and even moving past the screw up; because I'm a perfectionist, this can make things more difficult. It's exhausting trying to be perfect all the time; not perfect in the eyes of others but trying to meet my own standards for myself...
This struggle of balance is particularly difficult this time of year. Valentine's Day has definitely become a consumeristic holiday and stores and commercials have become inundated with hearts, Cupid, romance, engagement announcements, etc. and that can be difficult for those of us who are single. Granted, I don't necessarily know what I would do with a significant other currently since I am a workaholic (and then have dance/choir as extracurriculars) and am never home but occasionally it would be nice to have someone to come home to. I have my two little dogs who (for the most part) love me unconditionally and will snuggle with me on the couch but they refuse to cook me dinner, do the dishes or help pick up the apartment. Maybe one of these days I'll have someone to help with those things and who will care about me but this is not that year.
Even when I did have a significant other I didn't like to put a lot of emphasis on Valentine's Day. Why only take one day out of the year to tell the person in your life that you love them? I know that some people have difficulty expressing themselves and how they feel (my wasband was one of those individuals) so for them having one day out of the year is a focus point for them. I know relationships such as this are possible because I have seen examples of them in my life - my parents and both sets of grandparents just to name a few. They didn't need one particular day out of the year in order to express themselves but they did it all the time. The examples I have in my life might be one of the reasons I have such high expectations when it comes to what a relationship should be and that's definitely not a bad thing...
I decided that it's a good thing I didn't have thought bubbles appear out of my head for everyone to see my thoughts today while I was in church. The sermon was based on the temptations in the desert and the pastor was talking about turning rocks into bread. After she made the statement, she paused, and for some reason the thought that popped into my head was "rocks turning into bread; what a stupid super power that would be..." Maybe that just means I've been watching too many superhero movies as of late.
Tomorrow I get to enjoy a day off of work and while it will be nice to have the break, that means I have to cram five days worth of work into four. Even though that is the case, I'm going to try very hard to leave work at work and not stress about it while I'm at home. While I know that will be way easier said than done, I am going to attempt it. As I work on moving past screw ups and not overly stressing on things I am going to enjoy as much muchness as I can and I hope you're able to do the same! Thank you for joining me, my dear readers! =)
Monday, February 15, 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Standing up for me...
This past week was an interestingly long one but yesterday was the proverbial cherry on top... Yesterday I had to take my car about 80 miles away to take my car to the dealership for service. When I got there, they told me that the estimate for the day was about $70 more than what I was quoted over the phone. After I waited for over an hour and a half (for routine one year maintenance), they told me that there was a problem that parts would need to be ordered for (luckily the repair is under warranty). I told my "service specialist" that I was extremely frustrated both with the cost and having to leave my car there and her response (more than once) was "don't be mad at me..." I told her more than once that I was frustrated and she just kept bringing it back to "don't be mad at me." They gave me a loaner car for the week and that was another process - I drive a smart car and they tried to give me an SUV as the loaner. I ended up convincing them to give me a smart car loaner but am still frustrated that I will have to go back next weekend in order to pick up my car (they tried to get me to pick it up during the week but I can't make that drive during the work week - something they also had difficulty understanding).
One of the plus sides of this week is I pointed out something about myself as an introvert to a small group of people who work elsewhere in the organization I work for. The four of us are facilitators for a training and someone else was re-certifying us for this particular training (so there were a total of 5 of us). One of the new pieces to this particular training is a version of Jeopardy and we took time to practice leading it while the rest of us were participants (and we were encouraged to make common participant mistakes - buzzing in before the question was read, not answering in the form of a question, giving a wrong answer, etc.). During the game, I didn't answer in the form of a question (on purpose) and the one leading it, turned to me, and said, "wrong." After the game, we were asked to give feedback; the other participants said that the leader did a good job but I disagreed. The feedback I gave was, as an introvert and a perfectionist, I would have been done in her class - I put myself out there to answer a question and was told I was wrong without any other explanation - this game is right after lunch day one of two and I would have been done participating. The master facilitator said that she valued my feedback but the person I told it to just rolled her eyes. I was proud of myself for bringing it to light even if she doesn't do anything without that information.
Another time I said something in a situation that I normally wouldn't was at church today. After the service, the pastor said she liked something I was wearing (I had on a really cool/long vest) and she said it looked like a "preaching robe" and she should get me up to preach one Sunday. As I walked away, I said that she wouldn't like what I would have to say if she got me up to preach. I know it was a little bit cowardly to say it as I walked away but at least I said it out loud. Maybe one of these days I'll have the courage to say it (or something like it) to her directly and have the opportunity to point out what's been bothering me even though the thought of it scares me to death...
I have unfortunately been dealing with some insomnia this past week (what else is new for me) and I'm not sure if it's because my head is still all plugged up (I think I'm finally over being sick but now my allergies have flared up) or because I'm overly stressed but when I have slept, I have been dreaming about my grandpa. He and I definitely had one of those unique relationships where we didn't always have to say much, we just enjoyed one another's company and just sitting next to one another was enough. My Mom has told me that it's a miracle he didn't kill me when I was little because we were outside, I had the hose, he told me not to squirt him with it and I did... My grandpa was one of those men who did woodcarving - he would "find/release" faces of old men in the wood and I could sit by him at the kitchen table and watch him for hours. He unfortunately passed away from cancer in 2004 but there are times where I still feel his presence. While I am glad that he's no longer suffering, I sometimes wish that I could just sit with him at the kitchen table again.
On that note, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight and hope I'm able to get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow the kids here have the day off of school so my building will be open for extended hours so that means a long day for me. Luckily, next weekend is a three-day weekend which will be nice even though I have to go back to the car dealership on Saturday. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead, filled with loved ones or memories of loved ones and that you're able to take some time for you. =)
One of the plus sides of this week is I pointed out something about myself as an introvert to a small group of people who work elsewhere in the organization I work for. The four of us are facilitators for a training and someone else was re-certifying us for this particular training (so there were a total of 5 of us). One of the new pieces to this particular training is a version of Jeopardy and we took time to practice leading it while the rest of us were participants (and we were encouraged to make common participant mistakes - buzzing in before the question was read, not answering in the form of a question, giving a wrong answer, etc.). During the game, I didn't answer in the form of a question (on purpose) and the one leading it, turned to me, and said, "wrong." After the game, we were asked to give feedback; the other participants said that the leader did a good job but I disagreed. The feedback I gave was, as an introvert and a perfectionist, I would have been done in her class - I put myself out there to answer a question and was told I was wrong without any other explanation - this game is right after lunch day one of two and I would have been done participating. The master facilitator said that she valued my feedback but the person I told it to just rolled her eyes. I was proud of myself for bringing it to light even if she doesn't do anything without that information.
Another time I said something in a situation that I normally wouldn't was at church today. After the service, the pastor said she liked something I was wearing (I had on a really cool/long vest) and she said it looked like a "preaching robe" and she should get me up to preach one Sunday. As I walked away, I said that she wouldn't like what I would have to say if she got me up to preach. I know it was a little bit cowardly to say it as I walked away but at least I said it out loud. Maybe one of these days I'll have the courage to say it (or something like it) to her directly and have the opportunity to point out what's been bothering me even though the thought of it scares me to death...
I have unfortunately been dealing with some insomnia this past week (what else is new for me) and I'm not sure if it's because my head is still all plugged up (I think I'm finally over being sick but now my allergies have flared up) or because I'm overly stressed but when I have slept, I have been dreaming about my grandpa. He and I definitely had one of those unique relationships where we didn't always have to say much, we just enjoyed one another's company and just sitting next to one another was enough. My Mom has told me that it's a miracle he didn't kill me when I was little because we were outside, I had the hose, he told me not to squirt him with it and I did... My grandpa was one of those men who did woodcarving - he would "find/release" faces of old men in the wood and I could sit by him at the kitchen table and watch him for hours. He unfortunately passed away from cancer in 2004 but there are times where I still feel his presence. While I am glad that he's no longer suffering, I sometimes wish that I could just sit with him at the kitchen table again.
On that note, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight and hope I'm able to get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow the kids here have the day off of school so my building will be open for extended hours so that means a long day for me. Luckily, next weekend is a three-day weekend which will be nice even though I have to go back to the car dealership on Saturday. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead, filled with loved ones or memories of loved ones and that you're able to take some time for you. =)
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