What am I learning?

So last night I downloaded/watched a movie that I had wanted to see in theaters but after seeing it, I'm definitely glad that I missed it.  Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed the movie and it resonated with me on multiple levels but I don't know if I would've been able to handle it in the theaters.  The movie that I watched is called "Demolition" and it's about a man who is trying to put his life back together after tragedy.  In the movie, this man's father-in-law basically tells him, if you want to figure something out, take it apart, see how it works and then put it back together.  After this tragedy, he tries to take apart his marriage/life to see if he can put it back together.

What did I learn from watching this movie?  I learned that if you make a mess out of your life (whether it's an emotional mess, physical mess, whatever), you have to clean it up and move on the best that you can.  Some messes take longer than others to create and some definitely take longer than others to clean up and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you keep trying.  Parts of the movie were easier for me to watch than others but I just hit pause, took a break for a minute, and came back to it to watch the entire thing.

I thought it was a good way to spend my evening after having an out of town performance yesterday with the dance troupe.  The performance was a little bit of a comedy of errors but we made it through.  I had planned to dance my sword piece but since I've still been sick, my balance has been a little off and didn't think using the sword would be a safe choice.  I performed one of the troupe dances as a solo and I felt it went pretty well.  We were dancing the first piece and our instructor's phone (which we were using for music) overheated; luckily I had the music on my phone so we were able to continue - the only downside with that is I didn't have the music as a single playlist because I wasn't planning on needing to supply the music.  I've said before and I'll say it again - always, always, ALWAYS have at least one backup CD with music as a "just in case."

After the performance, the troupe stayed at the restaurant to eat and I graciously bowed out.  I know that might make me come off as snooty or standoffish but I needed to recharge.  I've been sick, still working 60+ hours in the week and I haven't been sleeping overly well - I needed to get away.  People who aren't introverts don't tend to understand that concept but I need my alone time and quiet in order to get myself ready to face the week ahead.  There are times I hate feeling as if I must escape a situation but that's how I felt after the performance yesterday.  I don't know what made yesterday necessarily different but that's how I felt.

Today I awoke to the news that my sister and her hubby were headed to the hospital for them to bring their new little boy into the world.  After what was a very long day I'm sure, their new bundle of joy came into the world at 9:50 pm their time (three hour time difference from me) and he's a little thing (weighing in at just over 6 lbs.).  It's times like this that definitely makes me realize how frustrating it is to live so far away.  Over the next few days, three out of my four nephews have birthdays (one today, one tomorrow and one on Wednesday) - as my Mom said, they are our little June bugs.  =)  If nothing else, no matter how messy my life might seem, I can focus on my June bug nephews and my Christmas nephew (he was born two days before Christmas) and just be the best auntie I can be; even if it is from a long distance away.

Life is measured in moments - good, bad or indifferent they are moments in an overall life.  If there is a situation currently that seems overly messy or destroyed, learn what you can from that mess and move on.  That's what I am going to try and do myself along this quest of mine.  Thank you for joining me, my dear readers!  =)

Sleep deprivation + stress + sick = bad combo

As week two of summer programming at work wound to a close, I found myself not feeling well.  I thought I was having an allergic reaction to plants growing outside the building that are starting to bloom but then I was still congested at home and on Friday I began coughing.  So I've been on over the counter medication for a couple days, slept off and on all day yesterday, and am starting to feel a little better today.  I know that it's a sign that I'm pushing myself too hard but I don't see that I necessarily have a choice.

I push myself to the breaking point and then find myself getting sick.  I am definitely not one who likes to admit that I need to slow down but being sick tells me that I do (and I'm not happy about it).  It would probably be helpful if I got more sleep at night but I have been doing more tossing and turning at night than I've been sleeping - and I know that needs to change.  One of the things I'm toying with is I have come across the concept of "bullet journaling" and I'm wondering if that might help me leave my day behind and be able to get a list of the day ahead going so I can sleep.  We'll see if doing something like this will help me or not; I figure at this point, it really can't hurt to give it a try...

We had someone join our work team for the summer and she noticed something about me from being there for less than an hour - she asked me, "I see you doing lots for others, when do you do things for yourself?"  It's pretty humbling to have someone who doesn't know you realize something so personal about you in such a short time.  She said that she's going to bring me an article about managers and self-care but she hasn't brought it to me yet.  I'm hoping that if/when she brings it to me that it will give me some insight that I haven't been able to figure out for myself yet (since I've been struggling with this ever since I became a manager...).

I encourage my staff on a regular basis to not be like me and to push themselves beyond their limits for work.  I tell them not to push themselves like that and yet I do so pretty much everyday at work.  I am the only one who works earlier/later than open to close, I don't take a lunch away from my desk, and then when I'm not participating in extra curricular activities outside of work (dance two - three times a week and choir practice once a week), I'm either bringing work home with me or I'm worried about work while I'm at home.  I'm a Libra and should strive to not only bring balance to other peoples lives but to bring it to my own life as well - I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet...

One of my goals going forward is to try and find something that is just for me and that relaxes me.  I have never really been a fan of massages but at this stage of my life (and my stress levels) I may be willing to give it at least another chance.  I used to enjoy getting my nails done and I might look into doing that again (and maybe attempting a pedicure but be sure to tell them that I need to be able to keep the calluses on my feet for dance) or getting my hair colored again since I had fun with that.  I know that I need to come up with something but I probably need to get healthy first before doing anything.

I had the opportunity to see photos/videos of the family get together in my parent's backyard today and the fun from the pool that could only be described as circus training.  There were little boys being flipped through the air and laughing/splashing in the pool and even though I couldn't be there, it was fun to see the videos.  After they left, I got to video chat with my parents on FaceTime and it was good to see them (even if I couldn't do so in person).  It was kind of fun to see my Dad's reaction to his Father's Day gift - he loves getting iTunes gift cards because he can use them for whatever he wants so that's what I sent him.  I have a great relationship with both of my parents and even though neither of us will admit it, I am definitely a Daddy's girl.

Well my dear readers, before things get too mushy, I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight so I can take more medication and head to bed - hopefully getting some good sleep tonight before heading into my 60+ hour work week.  This upcoming week at work is a Super Hero theme so hopefully it will all go off without a hitch.  Here's wishing you a super week and I thank you for joining me!  =)