I have found myself lately becoming more and more cynical and I'm not sure if it's just because of me or if it's based on my situations. One such situation arose at church this morning - the pastor had been talking to someone and then walked past me and in a general direction crooked her finger for someone to follow her; when no one did, she said, "Hey, you with the black hair, I meant you" (I was the one with the 'black hair'). She's been at the church for more than a year, I know she knows my name but yet she referred to me this way. I walked over to her and she proceeded to tell me that she didn't really know me and if I was interested, she wanted to get together at some point. This really surprised me and I don't think she expected my response - I responded that she really didn't know me because she hasn't really made an effort to want to know me. From day one, she has seemingly taken one look at me with my tattoos, piercings, and unique personality and has written me off - I don't respond well to that.
Similar situations that came up this weekend happened at two different dance gigs the troupe participated in. We had a gig Friday night that I really didn't know if I was going to make it to - we needed to be ready at 6:30 and I don't typically get off work until after 6 so the plan was to leave work at 5. I was watching the clock Friday and of course different situations blew up and I didn't leave work until 5:45. I rushed home, threw a costume on, slapped some make-up on and ran out the door. I was the last one to arrive at the studio (I HATE to feel like I'm late) and we headed to the gig. Because I didn't have any down time, I just wanted to be left alone but people kept pushing me to smile and talk and "be happy" - all of which just made me retreat further into myself. We get to the performance and the DJ wasn't able to play the music my instructor had so she demanded my phone (which I had left in the van), the DJ needed me to take my case off and then they wanted to start the show before I had time to get myself ready. Then at the Saturday night performance, similar type of thing where people were trying to force me to smile and "be happy" but thankfully a fellow dancer stood up for me and told people to just leave me alone. That meant a lot to me because people don't often come to my aid that way.
I think people are under the impression that because I'm single, they need to force me to participate in social situations. I find just the opposite to be true. Because I'm constantly being pulled in 1000 different directions at work at any given time and then I'm rushing to the dance studio or choir practice, there are times I just need to be alone and quiet. People always seem surprised when I don't want to go out after work or join up with them after dance but there are times I just need to go home and just allow myself to be me and my dogs. I've realized that to be true when I go to visit family too; I love being around my family but it's almost as if I need a day or two to adjust to being around them again because here it's just me and the noise can sometimes be overwhelming.
One of the things that I think might help my cynicism is this should be my last 60+ hour work week for awhile. This is the last full week of summer programming and then the kids go back to school Wednesday of the following week. Once the kids go back to school we are going through our building's reaccreditation so I might have to put in some additional hours just to get everything ready to go but if we pass with flying colors, the extra time will be worth it (I hope). I've also talked with some of my staff to let them know that I'm going to have to look at rearranging some schedules possibly because I cannot continue to work from open to close every single day, especially when we're in extended hour programming. We'll see how well that goes over...
Well, my dear readers, I think this cynic is going to bring this to a close for tonight in order to get my armor ready for the week ahead. Oh, on the plus side, the treat jar went over really well with my coworkers this past week and I even added a second one - one of the treat jars is filled with sugary treats and the other is filled with salty treats - and the staff seem excited about both of them (yay for doing something right!). I hope that you have a great week and that none of us become overwhelmed with our cynicism...
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Right = left?
I was reminded today about the contradictory thought from the movie Cars; sometimes you have to turn right to go left. Wait, what?! How does turning right get you to go left? The cars were on a dirt track so turning the wheel right did help them in going left. What this helped me to realize is sometimes, in order to do what you need to do, you have to look at it from the opposite perspective so things fall into place. I am attempting to do this especially in the area of my life where things feel like they're falling apart - work...
Once again I feel as if work is crumbling around me and I'm desperately attempting to cling to the pulverized pieces as they fall through my fingers. I know that as the boss I need to learn to keep things together but it makes it difficult when there are people who are rooting for you to fail (or at least it feels that way). I have one person at work in particular that feels as if they are rooting for me to fail and I am trying to not have them get under my skin - some days are better than others but I am trying. There are times I wonder if I'm supposed to stop trying and just do it but I'm struggling to discover how to accomplish this.
I am thankful that there are only 2.5 weeks remaining to summer programming because I feel as if things will balance out once we return to regular in school programming. Granted, this past week I found out that one of my staff is putting in their two week notice so that will put some strain on things but it will give the opportunity to bring new blood into the building. Regardless of which direction things have to go because of this change, I am hoping that things will change for the better in the long run. We'll see...
I was introduced to a saying about a week and a half ago that I am definitely trying to embrace - "Note to self: None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you're carrying in your heart like middle treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There's no time for anything else." I know that I have been treating myself as an after thought and I need to stop doing that. I feel like I'll do something to make progress (like taking myself whale watching last weekend) but then I'll turn right back around and forget about my wants/needs and bow to whatever anyone else wants/needs. ..
Yesterday I embraced the opportunity to take two dance workshops from a dance instructor I know about from online. She offered these classes about an hour and a half away and I convinced one of my fellow troupe-mates to go (we then found out that my instructor and another student signed up to attend as well). Even though I'm tired and sore after the three hour day, I feel as if I learned a lot and it was definitely a fun day. There was one correction I received that I wasn't able to do because of my bum knee but I'm hoping to be able to fix that based on one of her other corrections so that's a plus. Because I had such an enjoyable time, I want to take more opportunities such as this one as they come up.
One of the things that really surprised me was I was approached by two dancers who said they have seen me for the last two years dance with the troupe at one of the largest dance festivals and they were excited to meet/talk with me. They said that they love watching me on stage and that out of all of the members of the troupe they watch me because I can flip my hair better than anyone and I don't have any (I have short, spiky hair but they said I have the attitude of the hair flip nailed!). I said that was a slightly weird thing to be "famous" for but I would embrace it.
I guess that goes along with turning right to go left - it's a contradiction but it works. As I head into another potential 60+ hour work week, I'm going to try my best to look at things from different perspectives and to not treat myself like an after thought. One of the other things I'm going to do this week at work is I'm going to put a "treat jar" in my office in an effort to "feed my enemies" (or catch more flies with honey than vinegar or some other metaphor....). Maybe this will help present a different perspective to my coworkers. We'll see how well that goes over...
On that note, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close for this evening and get myself prepared for the week ahead. I hope you have opportunities to put yourself first and embrace the contradictions in your own life. Thanks for joining me! =)
Once again I feel as if work is crumbling around me and I'm desperately attempting to cling to the pulverized pieces as they fall through my fingers. I know that as the boss I need to learn to keep things together but it makes it difficult when there are people who are rooting for you to fail (or at least it feels that way). I have one person at work in particular that feels as if they are rooting for me to fail and I am trying to not have them get under my skin - some days are better than others but I am trying. There are times I wonder if I'm supposed to stop trying and just do it but I'm struggling to discover how to accomplish this.
I am thankful that there are only 2.5 weeks remaining to summer programming because I feel as if things will balance out once we return to regular in school programming. Granted, this past week I found out that one of my staff is putting in their two week notice so that will put some strain on things but it will give the opportunity to bring new blood into the building. Regardless of which direction things have to go because of this change, I am hoping that things will change for the better in the long run. We'll see...
I was introduced to a saying about a week and a half ago that I am definitely trying to embrace - "Note to self: None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you're carrying in your heart like middle treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There's no time for anything else." I know that I have been treating myself as an after thought and I need to stop doing that. I feel like I'll do something to make progress (like taking myself whale watching last weekend) but then I'll turn right back around and forget about my wants/needs and bow to whatever anyone else wants/needs. ..
Yesterday I embraced the opportunity to take two dance workshops from a dance instructor I know about from online. She offered these classes about an hour and a half away and I convinced one of my fellow troupe-mates to go (we then found out that my instructor and another student signed up to attend as well). Even though I'm tired and sore after the three hour day, I feel as if I learned a lot and it was definitely a fun day. There was one correction I received that I wasn't able to do because of my bum knee but I'm hoping to be able to fix that based on one of her other corrections so that's a plus. Because I had such an enjoyable time, I want to take more opportunities such as this one as they come up.
One of the things that really surprised me was I was approached by two dancers who said they have seen me for the last two years dance with the troupe at one of the largest dance festivals and they were excited to meet/talk with me. They said that they love watching me on stage and that out of all of the members of the troupe they watch me because I can flip my hair better than anyone and I don't have any (I have short, spiky hair but they said I have the attitude of the hair flip nailed!). I said that was a slightly weird thing to be "famous" for but I would embrace it.
I guess that goes along with turning right to go left - it's a contradiction but it works. As I head into another potential 60+ hour work week, I'm going to try my best to look at things from different perspectives and to not treat myself like an after thought. One of the other things I'm going to do this week at work is I'm going to put a "treat jar" in my office in an effort to "feed my enemies" (or catch more flies with honey than vinegar or some other metaphor....). Maybe this will help present a different perspective to my coworkers. We'll see how well that goes over...
On that note, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close for this evening and get myself prepared for the week ahead. I hope you have opportunities to put yourself first and embrace the contradictions in your own life. Thanks for joining me! =)
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