Well, my dear readers, I need to start this week with a confession... Remember how I wrote last week about taking the opportunity to work 8 hour days this past week vs. 12 hour days? Yeah, that didn't happen. I ended up working three 8 hour days, one 13 hour day and one day that was just over 14 hours (this was the day of the staff meeting and I was actually able to leave for a grand total of 20 minutes to run to the apartment, let the dogs out, and then get back to work). Needless to say, I'm exhausted. Someone told me this week (one of the parents of a child in the program) that I am burning the candle at both ends and I think I had a pretty good response - I told her that I felt as if my whole candle was melting and not just from it having wicks at both ends. That's not something I feel particularly proud of but it's honestly how I'm feeling. This coming week I don't think I have any other option - I need to not put in yet another 60 hour work week. I just can't. I definitely need a new candle...
It's not that I have anything exciting to accomplish with the potential copious amounts of spare time but I have some things that I need to take care of. I have laundry/dishes piling up and things around the apartment need to be straightened up. But on the other hand, do I need to have things planned in order to work a "normal" workday? I had it pointed out to me that I shouldn't feel as if I have to dedicate my entire life to work just because I'm the only one that doesn't have a "family." I have let people for quite some time make me feel as if I'm the one who has to take on the extras because I don't have a family to come home to. Mom jokingly suggested when I was taking to her today that maybe I need to invent a family to come home to so I don't always have to put in the extra time at work... The possibility of that is an intriguing one.
One of the things that I've decided is because I'm working too much, my stress levels are astronomical, therefore I'm not eating/sleeping the way I should, and my weight is not at a place that I want it to be. I know that I need to get back to a place where I can find the time to workout, plan better/healthier meals, and get to a place where I'm more okay with what I see when I look in the mirror. Yes, I've talked before about being my own worst critic when it comes to my reflection but I don't feel as if right now I'm taking it too far. I need to do something to get myself under control/healthy and I think I need to cut back on the stress in order to start and make that happen.
I did dig out the easy-to-use cookbooks that I was using but allowed to get buried under random things. I know that just digging them out isn't the only answer - I actually need to use them as well. I started looking at some of the recipes that I had bookmarked and I think I'm going to need to make a conscious effort to make some of the meals in the upcoming week. I have never really enjoyed cooking and don't feel as if I am a very good cook. Even though that's the case, I need to start making food for myself and stop just taking the easy way out in terms of food. Luckily the recipes in the books are very simple so keep your fingers crossed for me in the upcoming weeks, please!
I've come to the realization that once again I'm attempting to be too many versions of me to too many different people and I'm losing bits and pieces of myself along the way. Yes, I'm wearing my fun earrings/shoes to work but I felt this past week as if they just weren't enough. That's probably the stress talking but I know that I need to find ways to get back to being me. I don't exactly know what that's going to take but my heart/head tell me that I need to find a way to make it happen. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!
Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to take the time to look for some recipes that jump out at me for the upcoming week I should probably bring this to a close. Wish me luck in the week ahead that I'll be able to have one or more days at work that are 8 hour ones vs. 12 hour ones and I will let you know next week how that goes. I hope that each and every one of you have a fabulous week and that you can show who you truly are! It is also my hope that if you do find yourself burning your candle at both ends that you have a candle left by the end of the week and not just end up with a pile of wax. =)
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Sunday, July 6, 2014
What if...
These two little words don't have a lot of strength when they're alone but when placed side by side, they make a powerful statement. On a regular basis, people (me included) use the question of "what if" in a negative fashion - what if I made more money?; what if I lived in a better place?; what if I could change my appearance?; what if... what if... what if.... I've been giving things some thought and I've been wondering what would happen to people's attitudes/thoughts if they changed "what if" to a more positive question.
What if I take some time off for myself? What if I decide to buy something frivolous for me just because? What if I take a road trip? What if I would stop doing the things I feel as if I "have" to do? What if I would decide to only work an 8 hour day instead of a 12 hour one? What if I were to let my freak flag fly regardless of who's around? What if I were to speak up for myself in situations where I usually bite my tongue?
Yesterday I decided to take a road trip (and I didn't talk myself out of it even though the thought crossed my mind). I have wanted for awhile now to go to one of the zoos in the state and I have always found reasons not to go. Yesterday I opted to push all of those reasons aside, jumped in my car, drove just over two hours from where I live and I spent the day at the zoo. I would've preferred it to be a more sunny day but I think the zoo would've been more crowded if the sun had been shinning. I had fun at the zoo and got some really neat photos! On the drive back, the sun decided to come out and the temperature climbed, so I dropped the convertible top, turned the music up and sang along at the top of my lungs. I got a little bit of a sunburn but I think it was definitely worth it for the fun I had!
On Friday, the dance troupe I belong to danced in the 4th of July parade. I let some of the other members ride on the float and I walked/dance the entire parade. My knee wasn't too happy with me by the end of it but I still had fun. After the parade, a friend of mine asked if I would join her for lunch and that's what I did (after I scraped all of the make-up and glitter off first). =) Once I got back from the lunch, I crashed on the couch for a bit and took a much needed nap (maybe it was in preparation for my zoo trip I didn't know I would be taking).
After this weekend, I have made a decision - it's one that's been in the making for some time, I just haven't committed to it before now. I have decided to take the next couple weeks off from singing in the church choir and that will leave me with two days in the week where I feel as if there are things I have to do (one night a week after work is rehearsal and then one day of the weekend to sing). I feel pretty good about my decision (even though there are some who have tried to talk me out of it - especially the choir director) and I feel as if it's something that I need to do for me. If nothing else, I feel as if I need to do it for my sanity.
The next thing I would like to work on for myself is to make a conscious effort to cut back some at work, delegate tasks and then be okay with how those individuals complete said assigned tasks (and not feel the compulsive need to go back and re-do the work just because they didn't complete it the same way that I would). There has been talk about me not being there for the full 12 hours but I haven't cut back yet. This past week left me questioning my effectiveness in being in a leadership role and looking back on the things that happened I'm wondering if those feelings are partially coming from feeling as if I'm burning out. I'm going to toy with the idea as I go into work this week and see if there are any days as if I feel as if I can leave early or just leave for some time during the day. I know there will be at least one day that I have to leave to come home and let my dogs out since we have a mandatory staff meeting one day after work.
Well, my dear readers, I have definitely given myself some things to think about this week and I hope that I will be able to focus on my more positive what ifs. I should probably bring this to a close so I can put some laundry away or something to get ready for the week ahead. I hope you all have a fabulous week ahead and that you'll find at least one thing you can do for yourself this week - I know that something I'm going to work on. See you next week! =)
What if I take some time off for myself? What if I decide to buy something frivolous for me just because? What if I take a road trip? What if I would stop doing the things I feel as if I "have" to do? What if I would decide to only work an 8 hour day instead of a 12 hour one? What if I were to let my freak flag fly regardless of who's around? What if I were to speak up for myself in situations where I usually bite my tongue?
Yesterday I decided to take a road trip (and I didn't talk myself out of it even though the thought crossed my mind). I have wanted for awhile now to go to one of the zoos in the state and I have always found reasons not to go. Yesterday I opted to push all of those reasons aside, jumped in my car, drove just over two hours from where I live and I spent the day at the zoo. I would've preferred it to be a more sunny day but I think the zoo would've been more crowded if the sun had been shinning. I had fun at the zoo and got some really neat photos! On the drive back, the sun decided to come out and the temperature climbed, so I dropped the convertible top, turned the music up and sang along at the top of my lungs. I got a little bit of a sunburn but I think it was definitely worth it for the fun I had!
On Friday, the dance troupe I belong to danced in the 4th of July parade. I let some of the other members ride on the float and I walked/dance the entire parade. My knee wasn't too happy with me by the end of it but I still had fun. After the parade, a friend of mine asked if I would join her for lunch and that's what I did (after I scraped all of the make-up and glitter off first). =) Once I got back from the lunch, I crashed on the couch for a bit and took a much needed nap (maybe it was in preparation for my zoo trip I didn't know I would be taking).
After this weekend, I have made a decision - it's one that's been in the making for some time, I just haven't committed to it before now. I have decided to take the next couple weeks off from singing in the church choir and that will leave me with two days in the week where I feel as if there are things I have to do (one night a week after work is rehearsal and then one day of the weekend to sing). I feel pretty good about my decision (even though there are some who have tried to talk me out of it - especially the choir director) and I feel as if it's something that I need to do for me. If nothing else, I feel as if I need to do it for my sanity.
The next thing I would like to work on for myself is to make a conscious effort to cut back some at work, delegate tasks and then be okay with how those individuals complete said assigned tasks (and not feel the compulsive need to go back and re-do the work just because they didn't complete it the same way that I would). There has been talk about me not being there for the full 12 hours but I haven't cut back yet. This past week left me questioning my effectiveness in being in a leadership role and looking back on the things that happened I'm wondering if those feelings are partially coming from feeling as if I'm burning out. I'm going to toy with the idea as I go into work this week and see if there are any days as if I feel as if I can leave early or just leave for some time during the day. I know there will be at least one day that I have to leave to come home and let my dogs out since we have a mandatory staff meeting one day after work.
Well, my dear readers, I have definitely given myself some things to think about this week and I hope that I will be able to focus on my more positive what ifs. I should probably bring this to a close so I can put some laundry away or something to get ready for the week ahead. I hope you all have a fabulous week ahead and that you'll find at least one thing you can do for yourself this week - I know that something I'm going to work on. See you next week! =)
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