My own worst critic....

I has been a busy week and a crazy weekend... As I sit here, I am not necessarily focused on all of the good things that happened but rather on the mistakes I feel as if I made...

I got a slight promotion at work and am in a position where I feel as if I can make a difference, however I know that it is going to be a struggle. It means more work/responsibilities and it also means hearing that not everyone is too thrilled with me being selected for the position. I know that this comes with any job and I will just have to work through it; proving that I was the best candidate for the position. Only time will tell.

Last night I had a dance solo performance and I felt pretty good about it. I truly felt as if I "heard" the music and I danced my emotions. I even got one of the highest compliments I think I could receive from the coordinator of the show; as she announced me she said that she wished she could dance like I do (and she's been dancing for I don't even know how long). However, after thinking about my performance, one of the things I've been thinking about is I didn't smile as much as I could have (something I have been working on since the beginning of my dancing).

This morning I sang a solo at church and everyone said that it sounded really good - - all I remember was I messed up the words in one place. Granted, I know that no one else knew the words to the song I was singing, but it's one I don't know how many times and feel as if it was a mistake that shouldn't have happened...

Then tonight, I had another belly dance performance that included two troupe dances and then I did a solo (as did 3 other troupe members) and I feel as if I didn't "feel" the music tonight as I did last night. Yes, people told me that I did a great job and my instructor told me that I my face was much more "alive" tonight as opposed to last night's performance. I just don't feel as if, in general, I did as well tonight as I did last night.

I guess it truly just boils down to me being my own worst critic. I have still be struggling with self-image issues; unfortunately there are times when I look in the mirror and see myself 100+ pounds ago (part of this could come from being at a bit of a plateau weight-loss wise; but I guess that's just something else for me to continue to work on).

Maybe I need to try and do something that I read about a while ago... I read in a book that it was recommended to take one month and write down something good/positive you have done each day. By the end of the month, go back and re-read what you have written in your own words (it's one thing for someone else to point out what you have accomplished, it's something else entirely to have to point it out to yourself).

I guess for today, I could say that I helped two girls (I think they were 9 and 11) who were both doing their debut belly dance solos. They were sisters and they were both extremely nervous (they happened to go on one after another right after I performed). I talked with both of them before I went on and I hopefully helped to calm their nerves - I told them to go out there, enjoy themselves and the audience would love them. Since they went on right after I did, unfortunately I wasn't able to see them perform. However, I did see them later with huge smiles on their faces. That did make me feel good.

Well, since I have had a very busy weekend and have had emotional ups and downs, I should probably bring this to a close since my alarm clock will be ringing very early in the AM. We'll see how the positive thinking goes in the next few days.....

Things I've learned from My Dad

I've been sitting here for I don't know how long thinking about what I'm going to write about today. The answer was pretty simple.... Today is Father's Day and I have been thinking about all of the things that I have learned from my Dad. Same disclaimer as Mother's Day - - my Dad has no knowledge I'm going this and he did not put me up to it. =) Here goes:

• "Isn't being a grown-up fun??" - - while most of the time, when he asks this, my answer is "no," it's nice to know that if/when something comes up that's unexpected, Dad's answer will be a constant =)
• No matter how old I get, there is still a spot for me on my Dad's lap
• Even after all of these years, my Dad still knows how to tickle me with his beard =)
• Even though the 'boo-boos' I get these days can't be covered with a band-aid, even getting a "phone hug" from my Dad can melt my heart and make me feel better
• I have learned that I still need to hear my Dad say that he loves me and that he's proud of me/my accomplishments
• I still love to hear my Dad's pet names that he used for me as I was growing up
• With patience, Dad taught me how to drive a stick shift and that has been very useful throughout the years
• Dad taught me that it was important for a girl to know how to check the oil on the car as well as fill the windshield wiper fluid
• Dad also thought it was important for me to know how to safely use different kinds of tools - - you never know when you might need them for your own home improvement project (according to my Dad, you can never have enough tools)
• Dad taught me that it's okay to be serious about the serious things as well as have fun with the fun things - - that it's also okay to take time for yourself if things get too overwhelming
• That, when all else fails, God is always there
• That even if we can't be together, Dad is there for me in spirit and is just a phone call away
• While although he won't come right out and tell me what to do, he'll listen to what I have to say and may offer a different perspective

These are just some of the things that I have learned from my Dad throughout the years. This is in no way everything that I have learned.... I have learned so much from both of my parents and am very lucky to have the parents that I do. My parents encouraged my sister, two brothers and I to be independent thinkers and to stand firm in our beliefs. I would say that even if my siblings and I have stumbled along the way, we have remembered the teachings from our childhood and we are the adults we are today because of Mom and Dad (it helps that Mom and Dad are still there to help us up along the way as well).

Growing up, my Dad had to travel quite extensively for his job and I think that's what made his "home time" even more special. No matter how long his day was, he made time for each of us kids to make us feel loved every single day (both Mom and Dad did). Dad, thank you for all of the things that you taught me growing up and for the things that you still teach me. Thank you for always being there for us (even if it was just in spirit because you were working) and for being one of my number one supporters. I love you Dad and I'm sending you a big Internet hug. (But I won't tell anyone...... oh, wait..... I already did.....) =)