I am realizing that this past week became more about survival at work rather than me enjoying some of the things that happened. I think this was bound to happen at this point in the summer as we just finished week seven of summer programming; I have put in approximately 430 hours at work (and that doesn't count the amount of work I have put in at home) and I am ready for this next week and a half to be done and over with. Just to put it into perspective, "normal" full-time for these last seven weeks would have given me 280 hours. Yes, summer coming to an end provides new sets of challenges as we roll into the beginning of the school year and are understaffed but it will end up working one way or another...
One of the things that I have been struggling with lately is my boss taking credit for things that I do when they go well but criticizing me when things don't go well. I don't know why it should overly surprise me because it's been going on for quite some time now but that doesn't mean I have to like it or that it's not going to frustrate me. Maybe it's just too reminiscent of group projects from school which an introvert such as myself always hated being forced into participating in with the result me doing the bulk of the work and everyone in the group "earning" the same grade that I did - I always found that to be extremely frustrating. In a couple of weeks I will be attending a work conference where I'm slated to attend a two-day training on working with different personality types - maybe this will help my frustration levels since they are at an all time high.
Another reason I'm looking forward to going to this particular conference is I'll be meeting up with a good friend of mine who lives/works on the opposite coast and I am looking forward to seeing her again. She and her family used to live here and she and I worked together. We started forming our friendship right after the wasband and I split and she would eat my blue m&m's for me (I don't eat blue things). Yes, she and I have a weird friendship but she gets me for me and I appreciate her for that. We'll be in a different learning track but we'll be able to meet up in our "off time" to catch up. It'll be nice to have someone to spend time with who gets me who isn't family.
There was a situation at my apartment this week that almost ended in disaster... I put my dogs on leash to let them out for the last time for the evening, I opened the door and in the bush right outside my door was a skunk! Luckily my dogs were on retractable leashes and I could haul their little butts back in the apartment and slam the door before the skunk sprayed. We unfortunately had to still go outside for them to do their evening business but it was the quickest potty break they have ever done so that was a bonus. Another bonus is that I have a air purifier right inside my apartment so I just turned it to the maximum setting and had it set on that for a day and a half so the scent could dissipate. It was not a fun situation but it definitely could have been a whole lot worse!
This upcoming week isn't going to just be busy at work but at the dance studio as well. We have two performances this week one on Friday that's here locally and one on Saturday that's approximately and hour and a half drive (one way) from here. We're doing the same dances at both gigs but we can wear different costumes to the shows. And then next weekend, we're performing again at a local festival where I've been invited to solo. I'm slightly nervous about the solo but I'm sure that all will be well - at all of the performances.
Well my dear readers, since I have a busy week at work and dance, I should probably think about bringing this to a close, get myself together for the week ahead (or at least tomorrow) and heading to bed. I hope that you have a week ahead where you can be yourselves with the least amount of drama/frustration as possible for you. Thanks for joining me! =)
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
"You are the weakest link, goodbye!"
There are times that I wish I could just make things stop. I wish I could stop the chaos at work. I wish I could stop the crazy at the dance studio. I wish I could stop the pressures I put on myself. Since that makes three wishes, I'm going to stop there - I also want to stop because I don't want it to seem as if I'm feeling overly sorry for myself...
At work, we just finished week 6 of 8 of summer programming and I ended up working Monday - Saturday for approximately a 72.5 hour work week. Boy am I tired... I know not sleeping well is also and attributing factor but I know a lot of being tired is from just too much. I have had a certain friend this past week tell me that she can't help me anymore if I don't get my depression under control and I responded to her that I don't feel as if I'm depressed but that I am suffering from burnout. Now I'm not an expert, so there may be some depression involved but I think the bulk of what I have going on is burnout. I have heard before that burnout comes when someone who executes tasks with passion and they push themselves beyond the point of having anything left to give they experience burnout. I feel as if that is where I am.
When I was talking with my Mom today, she and I came to the realization that in no area of my life do I have the opportunity to just "coast" or that I'm not being called upon in one way or another to be the "expert." Because of this, I don't have the opportunity to "switch off," relax and to help avoid the burnout. I'm also so busy picking up the work of others that I don't seem to have time to breathe at times let alone get the tasks accomplished that are my responsibility. There are times I wish I had the opportunity to tell people, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and either have them disappear through some sort of a trapdoor or to be able to have a robot with a laser take care of them (thanks, Doctor Who for that idea). Maybe I will just have to work on having that as a metal image in those situations I find myself in since I can't actually make it happen...
This past week, while I was driving home after a very long day at work, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before but it resonated with me down to my core. It's been awhile since I've come across a song like that and luckily I was at a red light so I could grab my phone and figure out what song it was. The song is called "Stand in the Light" and it is by the artist Jordan Smith. The song itself is powerful but then I searched for and watched the music video when I got home and I was almost moved to tears. In the song it says, "stand in the light and be seen as we are," which is something that we all (me included) struggle with at times. It's nice to have the song as a reminder and it has already found it's way onto my music playlist.
I think because I've been busy/stressed/burned out, I haven't made myself as much of a priority. Granted, I have started to get my hair colored again (which has been lots of fun) as well as I've been getting my nails done. I got my nails done this past Saturday and the color I picked the nail technician tried to talk me out of because it's not a color they use often but it's a lot of fun - it's a hot pink color and it definitely stands out. A saying I came across that I am going to work on embracing is "stand up and own who you are." This is something I am going to work on and I am going to find a way somehow to make myself a priority.
With this process, Mom and I thought something that might help is finding a situation where I wouldn't be seen as an "expert" and I can just relax into the moment. As a perfectionist, I would have to leave that at the door, but I do think it would be good for me overall. One of the situations I've considered is attending one of those wine/painting nights and go into it realizing that I'm going to end up with a bad painting but at least I'll get a drink or two out of it. But I do think it would be beneficial in the long run (even if someone would be telling me, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!").
Since I have another long week ahead, I should probably bring this to a close and attempt to get some sleep tonight. I'm not sure how well that's going to go but I'm going to give it my best effort. Thanks for joining me, my dear readers and I hope you don't have anyone telling you, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and if you do, just smile and be who you are! =)
At work, we just finished week 6 of 8 of summer programming and I ended up working Monday - Saturday for approximately a 72.5 hour work week. Boy am I tired... I know not sleeping well is also and attributing factor but I know a lot of being tired is from just too much. I have had a certain friend this past week tell me that she can't help me anymore if I don't get my depression under control and I responded to her that I don't feel as if I'm depressed but that I am suffering from burnout. Now I'm not an expert, so there may be some depression involved but I think the bulk of what I have going on is burnout. I have heard before that burnout comes when someone who executes tasks with passion and they push themselves beyond the point of having anything left to give they experience burnout. I feel as if that is where I am.
When I was talking with my Mom today, she and I came to the realization that in no area of my life do I have the opportunity to just "coast" or that I'm not being called upon in one way or another to be the "expert." Because of this, I don't have the opportunity to "switch off," relax and to help avoid the burnout. I'm also so busy picking up the work of others that I don't seem to have time to breathe at times let alone get the tasks accomplished that are my responsibility. There are times I wish I had the opportunity to tell people, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and either have them disappear through some sort of a trapdoor or to be able to have a robot with a laser take care of them (thanks, Doctor Who for that idea). Maybe I will just have to work on having that as a metal image in those situations I find myself in since I can't actually make it happen...
This past week, while I was driving home after a very long day at work, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before but it resonated with me down to my core. It's been awhile since I've come across a song like that and luckily I was at a red light so I could grab my phone and figure out what song it was. The song is called "Stand in the Light" and it is by the artist Jordan Smith. The song itself is powerful but then I searched for and watched the music video when I got home and I was almost moved to tears. In the song it says, "stand in the light and be seen as we are," which is something that we all (me included) struggle with at times. It's nice to have the song as a reminder and it has already found it's way onto my music playlist.
I think because I've been busy/stressed/burned out, I haven't made myself as much of a priority. Granted, I have started to get my hair colored again (which has been lots of fun) as well as I've been getting my nails done. I got my nails done this past Saturday and the color I picked the nail technician tried to talk me out of because it's not a color they use often but it's a lot of fun - it's a hot pink color and it definitely stands out. A saying I came across that I am going to work on embracing is "stand up and own who you are." This is something I am going to work on and I am going to find a way somehow to make myself a priority.
With this process, Mom and I thought something that might help is finding a situation where I wouldn't be seen as an "expert" and I can just relax into the moment. As a perfectionist, I would have to leave that at the door, but I do think it would be good for me overall. One of the situations I've considered is attending one of those wine/painting nights and go into it realizing that I'm going to end up with a bad painting but at least I'll get a drink or two out of it. But I do think it would be beneficial in the long run (even if someone would be telling me, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!").
Since I have another long week ahead, I should probably bring this to a close and attempt to get some sleep tonight. I'm not sure how well that's going to go but I'm going to give it my best effort. Thanks for joining me, my dear readers and I hope you don't have anyone telling you, "you are the weakest link, goodbye!" and if you do, just smile and be who you are! =)
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