Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.....

This past week I determined that while 3-day weekends are nice, they are just enough to throw everything off.  The biggest thing with a 3-day weekend is, you have four days to cram five days worth of work (I ended up working approximately 52 hours in four days - and I still didn't feel as if I got everything I should have accomplished).  I know one of my problems is I feel as if I'm still focusing on achieving tasks perfectly rather than just accomplishing them but it is something that I'm trying to work on.  One of the things I'm trying to do is keep a better "to do" list for things to achieve throughout the week and I'm hoping that it will help keep me on task at work.

There are times I question how thin I spread myself on a regular basis and wonder how much of "me" I lose in the process every time I stretch myself even thinner (by the way, I wish stretching myself thin in this sense actually worked in changing my physical appearance but that's a different topic...).  Not only do I have the amount of work I attempt to tackle each week (and this upcoming week, I get to work Saturday too for a parent's date afternoon/evening...), I have dance, thankfully choir is taking the month of July off but I have been asked to solo one Sunday, I have a week-long conference coming up next month, and I don't know how to say "no" to any of it.  One of the things I would like to say "no" to is singing at church, not because I don't necessarily want to do it, but I don't have the time to put into preparing for it.  I need to decide in the next day or two if I'm going to solo and even though I don't want to disappoint anyone, I need to make the best decision for me.

This next week at work, we are entering week 6 of summer programming and the theme is "sports."  While I know next to nothing about sports, I have been asked to bring in some of my dance stuff (swords included) to introduce belly dance as an "alternative sport."  I am excited to introduce them to the other side of me by showing my dance items however, I am a little nervous on how it's going to come across.  Not only am I nervous about showing them some of the dance stuff, I am also nervous about taking the swords in - I am going to be as safe as possible and I'm going to cap the tips but you just never know what might happen.

At the dance studio the other night, we did a breathing/visualization exercise that left me with some more frustrations than relaxation.  We were instructed to lie on our backs while the instructor led us through quieting our breathing and visualizing a cube moving in different directions starting from our core.  After the exercise, my instructor asked me how I was doing since I had been quiet through the class.  Because I couldn't think of any other way to explain it, I said, to put it in perspective, my box was covered with spikes.

I don't necessarily do well with these types of visualization exercises because they allow my brain to wonder to all of the things I need to accomplish, am behind on, "should be" doing, have screwed up on, etc.  These are the reasons why I don't do well with yoga either I think.  Even though I struggle with these things, it might not be a bad thing for me to try and overcome.  Rather than focusing on the "wrongs" or "errors," it might be an opportunity for me to examine the situation, say "yes, this was the result" and then move on from it.  We'll see if that might be a better alternative for me...

To add yet another monkey wrench into things, I just got a text from a staff member telling me that they are still sick (she went home early on Thursday and was off on Friday) and she won't be coming in tomorrow and who knows when she'll be in next.  She is planning on going to the doctor tomorrow and giving me a note that says when she'll be better enough to come in.  I'm kind of surprised that she needs more time off since all she told me is that she was getting chills and had an upset stomach.  I'm not exactly sure how much time off of work that warrants but I guess I'll see from whatever note I get tomorrow.

I guess one of the things that frustrates me is that I'm one who powers through being sick and come to work regardless.  I realize that not everyone has that same mentality but when you work in a setting like we do where children depend on you being there (we are required to meet certain ratios of staff to children), it makes it really difficult when someone calls out sick.  Granted, depending on what she has, it's probably better that she stays home and I suppose I should give her the benefit of the doubt and find out what her doctor is telling her before I get too nuts over the situation - but I find that difficult.

Well, my dear readers, I have once again given myself some things to think about and work on so I should probably sign off so I can somehow prepare myself for the week ahead.  I want to challenge myself to look at the bigger picture when I find myself questioning decisions made or how an aspect of my job was completed (or why it might not have been completed) - is it something that I can learn from or do I just need to move on from that situation?  Things to think about anyway.  Thanks for joining me along my quest!  =)

Spectacular

Yesterday I did something that I haven't done in awhile - I took the day off from the dance studio and I went to get my hair colored and nails done.  My hair is currently four colors - my "normal" black, purple, blue and wild orchid - and I think it's a lot of fun.  After I got my hair colored, I went and got my nails done - I had artificial nails put on and they are painted blue topped with colored glitter.  It's been eight weeks since the last time I got my hair colored and I don't even know the last time that I got my nails done but yesterday was the day to do things for me.

I was reminded of a quote this past week from the movie Jack; "make your life spectacular."  It has caused me to question if/how I am making my own life to be spectacular.  There are different aspects of my life where I've noticed that I have allowed myself to enter a rut rather than bringing sparkle and muchness into my life and I don't like it.  I know in my head that it is up to me to change things around but I don't know how.  I think one of the things that would help in turning things in a different direction would be me to stop feeling the need to explain myself or hide myself away out of fear of people not understanding/getting me.  I'm weird and different - so what?!  Why am I constantly trying to hide that away?

Even as I'm writing this now, I'm struggling a bit.  I have written this a couple of different ways and have deleted it for whatever reason.  I don't know if it's the "people pleaser" in me and the fact I know that pushing the envelope isn't always so readily accepted but I can't keep hiding myself away just because it's easier than trying to explain it.

Today, the church that I attend, inducted a new pastor.  I opted to make the day off partly because of tension between the old pastor and myself and partly because of just wanting a day off since the dance troupe is in a parade tomorrow and I wanted to rest.  There is a small street fair happening after the parade tomorrow and the church has a food booth; some of the members of the church have asked me to stop by, in costume, to say hi.  If the new pastor is there, I might as well introduce him to the "real" me right from the start and not try to explain myself away.

While I was running errands today, I was pushing my cart and paying attention to what I was looking for in a particular aisle, when a man approached me and said, "I really like your jacket and hair; they are very colorful and pretty and it makes me smile."  Now this gentleman obviously had some sort of a delay (sorry, comes from working with all sorts of people over the years) but I admired him for his courage to say something and I told him so.  I also told him that by him telling me that, it brought a smile to my face - that made his smile even bigger as he walked away.  It was one of those out of the blue interactions that make being different/weird worth it.  I had a similar interaction this past week in a drive-thru; I was at the window and the worker said that they liked my sparkly glasses and wished they could get away with wearing glitter at work but couldn't; I recommended that she wear glitter nail polish on her toes so she would at least know she was wearing it - she told me that she never had thought of that and the idea made her day.  Sometimes it's just the little things but they are important.  Plus, neither interaction really cost me anything and it made both parties involved feel good.

Well, my dear readers, I am going to take these two interactions and work towards making my life spectacular - I hope you find ways to do the same.  I know, for me personally, making my life spectacular is going to involve muchness and weirdness.  Thank you for joining me along this journey!  =)