Accomplish

This week has left me feeling as if there was very little that I could write on a list that I feel as if I'm doing well.  Now in my more rational moments (which can be few and far between it seems), I know that I could write a list of things that I do accomplish well but that is not the list that keeps me up at night.  There was actually one night this past week that I woke up in an absolute panic around 4:30 am and have no idea why.  It was not a good feeling and I still haven't been able to figure out where that feeling of panic came from.

There were moments this week at work that left me questioning what I've been doing the last 2.5 years because I felt as if I didn't have a handle on my job but that it had a handle on me.  I once again put in an extraordinary amount of hours and don't feel as if I crossed off enough items on my "to do" list along with the amount of time I was in the building.  Over the next number of weeks, I know that I'm going to have to put in lots of weekly hours as we are gearing up for not only summer programming but for an inspection at some point as well (it's an unannounced visit so we just have to be ready for it).  I know that my "to do" list is always going to be there the next day when I walk into work; I spend my nights adding to it and don't always remember what I need to add to it when I get to the building in the morning.

In my more rational moments, I know that I am only one person and can only get just so much accomplished on my own.  On the flip side, there are times that I criticize myself for not getting enough accomplished on any given day and the times I spend in programming with the kids/teens, I should be in my office getting things done.  I don't want to necessarily isolate myself all day in my office but I know that there are days that I probably need to do just that in order to clear some of my "to do" list.  Maybe I just need to pick one or two days out of the week to do just that - spend much of my day in the office and accomplish as many things as I can off of my "to do" list since I never know if a staff member is going to call out of work and I need to be in programming as support.

I think I need to learn to be more like my Mom and get better at multi-tasking.  Like most Moms, my Mom is like an octopus in the sense that she always seems to have multiple pairs of hands, working on multiple projects at any given time.  While there are times (and maybe quite often) she got frustrated by us kids, she still was able to accomplish what we needed from her and accomplish it with love.  Another thing I think I need to remember to take from my childhood is Mom told us on a regular basis (Dad did too) that, "poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine;" I think I need to take this into work.  I am often told to drop everything in order to complete a task; this isn't always and easy thing to do but when the boss says to...

Even though I don't get to see my Mom near as often as I wish that I could, I get the opportunity to talk to her almost every week.  While it's not the same thing, it's nice to be able to talk to her and draw strength for the week from those conversations.  I've always been close to my Mom and even if I'm just talking to her about how my week went and what's on my agenda for the upcoming week, it's nice to be able to hear her voice.  Thanks for always being there for me, Mom!

I guess I should bring this to a close for the night and attempt to get some sleep tonight.  I'm not overly tired but I know that I need to head to bed so I can face the day tomorrow and the week ahead.  Thank you to all of the Moms out there - you are loved/appreciated more than what your kids tell you!  I love you, Mom!

Being me

Along my journey of self discovery, I have had some bumps along the road and made some questionable decisions.  I get as if something that happened today was a small victory along this journey, some may say it was a questionable decision, but it felt really good to get it off my chest...  I was approached by the pastor today (and if you've been following my readings, you know that she and I do not see eye to eye) and she said, "Have you tried, you know, to not be so weird?"  My response?  "Have you tried, you know, to not be so judgmental?"  There was no answer given to my question and it was one of those fleeting thoughts at the time, "should I have said that" and my answer to myself was "yes" because it needed to be asked.

I don't mind people asking me about my personal style; what I do mind is people asking me to change who I am in order to make themselves more comfortable.  I don't know if it's from their own inner weirdo that is jealous that mine is unleashed or what it is but I do get tired of people trying/wanting me to fit inside the box that they want to define me.  Rather than letting it effect me, I am going to continue to be me and ignore what other people may say.  I am trying to work some on my confidence and not worry so much about what other people comment - whether it's in my earshot or not.

This past week at work has been filled with me trying to clear out my email in-box as well as find the top of my desk which became buried in the two weeks I was away (one week for official work travel and the following week being with family for a funeral).  I still have a pile on my desk but I have the goal to get through all of it in this upcoming week.  One of the accomplishments I did have from this past week is I removed a very old set of plastic venetian blinds from my office and hung a beautiful set of golden oak wooden blinds to cover the window.  While I was standing on the chair to start hanging the new brackets, one of the maintenance guys walked into the building and asked if I needed his assistance - I told him that I knew what I was doing (thanks, Dad!) but if I got to the point of frustration and was trying to pound in a screw with a hammer or something, I would give him a call.  I almost got to that frustration point on the last screw because the screw head stripped and I had to remove it with a pair of pliers (not an easy task working in the small area of the bracket) but I got it removed, was able to replace the screw and hang the blinds.  I think I impressed some of the people at work by not just giving up/giving in and calling the maintenance guy to "fix" it but that I accomplished it myself.  There are times in my current job where I miss having opportunities to accomplish tasks such as this...

I had the opportunity today to be the substitute teacher for the dance class that I sometimes work with and I felt as if the ladies learned a lot.  I took the time to ask them what moves they might be struggling with to see if I could explain it in a different way for them in the hopes they could have a better understanding.  It is a wonderful feeling when you see someone finally "get" a move and they become more comfortable with it.  I get the chance to work with them again next week and it's my hope that I will help them out with more moves then.

Because I have several meetings at work this week, I know that I'm going to have to come up with a game plan in order to get my desk cleared off, attend the meetings, accomplish the tasks after the meetings and deal with anything else that comes up.  In order to feel like I'm not losing myself in the process, I know that I will need to have some muchness in my wardrobe/accessories.  In order to do this, I should probably bring this to a close so I can prepare for my week.  Thank you for joining me on my journey!  =)