This week has left me feeling like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster and I don't know which direction it's going to twist/turn next. I'm trying to hold on as best I can and am also trying not to give myself whiplash in the process. Neither one of those things is a very easy task...
I've been frustrated with myself over something that happened at work and I'm still working through how to deal with it. I found myself in a situation that left me feeling backed into a corner and that's not something that I do well with. That feeling of being backed into a corner usually leaves me with a fight or flight (i.e. shut down mode for me) attitude. And because of what this particular situation entails, neither fight or shut down mode would be a good option for me right now.
I'm trying to know find a balance between everything that I have to do on a daily basis as well as taking care of myself. Taking care of myself has once again fallen to the wayside and I can feel it's weighing me down. I am still attempting to figure out how I'm going to find a way to take care of myself along with the other things that I feel as if I have to do but I know that I also have to figure all of this out before I implode. I did have an emotional breakdown when I was talking to Mom on the phone today (THANKS for listening/helping, Mom) and I do feel at least a little bit better after letting some of the pent up tears out. I honestly don't remember the last time I had an emotional meltdown such as the one this afternoon but I probably should do it more often...
One of the things that I was reminded of today is that it really is okay to fail -- the world is not going to come to an end, I'm not going to fall into a hole -- as long as I dust myself off and try again. Yes, I am a perfectionist but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to fail at times and I have to be okay with that. That is something that I know I'm going to struggle with but I do have to start by giving myself permission to fail at times and not fall to pieces because of it. I have to learn to "fail big and stick around and make them wonder why I'm still smiling" and while I know it's going to be a process but it's a part of the journey that I need to work on and not just run from it.
Other than the emotional roller coaster, I also had two dance gigs this weekend. On Friday night we had an opportunity to dance at the studio to live music (where the troupe had created a choreography to perform to the live music) and it was a fun night. I got to see some people I haven't seen in awhile and got to watch some beautiful dancing. Then last night, I had the opportunity to solo for one of my most favorite dancers in the area for one of her fundraising events (she's the one who I dance for just about every month for her event). For this performance I didn't use one of the choreographies that I have written but I danced to one of the troupe pieces. It's one that I have loved ever since the first time I saw it and I've always wanted to dance it as a solo. The crowd seemed to enjoy it and I felt very good when the performance was over.
Well, since I have had a lot going on between the emotional roller coaster and the dancing, I am going to sign off for tonight and attempt to get some other things done before going to bed. Luckily I get to have tomorrow off of work so I can mentally/emotionally prepare myself for the week ahead. Before I do sign off though, let me say a big "thank you" to those who have served and who are serving in the armed forces!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sleepy...
I don't know if it's one thing or a combination of things (a very long week at work, the workout schedule I've created for myself, the time change, not enough sleep, etc) but I have had a difficult time staying awake the last couple of days. Of course, I haven't been able to stay asleep at night and have found myself tossing and turning some but I have been falling asleep on the couch. Maybe I should either move my couch into the bedroom or just sleep on the couch at night and see if that helps...
I know that one of the things that I can do for myself to help with being tired all of the time is changing my eating habits. There are days that I work out a lot that I know that I'm probably not eating enough to go along with the calories that I'm burning. I have a App on my phone that I can use to track my eating/exercise habits and there are days when I've keyed in my information and it has told me that I'm not eating enough. Those are the days where I am just not able to eat anymore because I'm just not hungry. I guess I will just have to look at what food I'm eating on those days. This whole thing is definitely a process...
I don't know why I was hoping this to be a faster process but I was really hoping to see some sort of results from the diet/exercising by now. I have had people point out and remind me that it took time to put the weight on so it'll take time to take it off -- at least if I want to do it the healthy way. I know that there would be "fast" and unhealthy ways to take weight off but in doing so I could potentially gain all of that weight back and then some which is something that I really don't want to have happen. I want all of this work to mean something and that means a new way to look at food and what food I consume. See, I know all of these things in my head but I just want to see different results when I look in the mirror.
Maybe one of the reasons I'm having such a difficult time with all of this is because I'm stressing myself out. I tend to hold things close to my heart when I should just let them go rather than stressing out on things that I can't change. I have always had a difficult time letting go of things and I do often take things personally. For most of my life I have been able to tell others not to take things to heart or to dwell on them - especially the things that they can't change. I am able to give that advice to others but not take my own advice when it comes to matters such as this. One of the things that I hope to work on for myself (yes, yet another thing for me to work on) is to let things go that I cannot control/change and not take things so personally. I know this will not be an easy or a quick process but I think it's one that I definitely need to make for my own well being and my sanity. I know that I am often quick to take care of others and not myself but it's something that I need to do -- I know that I've said it before but this time I'm going to make an effort to actually do it -- is I need to make myself a priority.
I don't know if it's been because I've been tired or what but I am so sick/tired of all of the political ads that have been on TV and on the radio that I cannot wait until Wednesday when this Election is over and done with. I myself have registered to vote but I really don't like the smear tactics going on by all of the candidates and back/forth on all of the different propositions being voted on this week.
In an effort to not have issues such as this continue to bug me tonight, I think that I'm going to bring this to a close and try and relax before heading to bed. Have a great week, dear readers! =)
I know that one of the things that I can do for myself to help with being tired all of the time is changing my eating habits. There are days that I work out a lot that I know that I'm probably not eating enough to go along with the calories that I'm burning. I have a App on my phone that I can use to track my eating/exercise habits and there are days when I've keyed in my information and it has told me that I'm not eating enough. Those are the days where I am just not able to eat anymore because I'm just not hungry. I guess I will just have to look at what food I'm eating on those days. This whole thing is definitely a process...
I don't know why I was hoping this to be a faster process but I was really hoping to see some sort of results from the diet/exercising by now. I have had people point out and remind me that it took time to put the weight on so it'll take time to take it off -- at least if I want to do it the healthy way. I know that there would be "fast" and unhealthy ways to take weight off but in doing so I could potentially gain all of that weight back and then some which is something that I really don't want to have happen. I want all of this work to mean something and that means a new way to look at food and what food I consume. See, I know all of these things in my head but I just want to see different results when I look in the mirror.
Maybe one of the reasons I'm having such a difficult time with all of this is because I'm stressing myself out. I tend to hold things close to my heart when I should just let them go rather than stressing out on things that I can't change. I have always had a difficult time letting go of things and I do often take things personally. For most of my life I have been able to tell others not to take things to heart or to dwell on them - especially the things that they can't change. I am able to give that advice to others but not take my own advice when it comes to matters such as this. One of the things that I hope to work on for myself (yes, yet another thing for me to work on) is to let things go that I cannot control/change and not take things so personally. I know this will not be an easy or a quick process but I think it's one that I definitely need to make for my own well being and my sanity. I know that I am often quick to take care of others and not myself but it's something that I need to do -- I know that I've said it before but this time I'm going to make an effort to actually do it -- is I need to make myself a priority.
I don't know if it's been because I've been tired or what but I am so sick/tired of all of the political ads that have been on TV and on the radio that I cannot wait until Wednesday when this Election is over and done with. I myself have registered to vote but I really don't like the smear tactics going on by all of the candidates and back/forth on all of the different propositions being voted on this week.
In an effort to not have issues such as this continue to bug me tonight, I think that I'm going to bring this to a close and try and relax before heading to bed. Have a great week, dear readers! =)
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