Rain, rain, go away...

It's been raining here for several days straight and it has made for some long and dreary days. I'll take the snow any day but I'm one who really doesn't like the rain (maybe I was a cat in a former life or something). It probably doesn't help matters that neither one of my dogs like to go outside when it's raining and I have had to clean up a couple of indoor messes because they didn't want to go potty in the rain. I know that the rain is necessary to help things grow and to wash away some of the things that cause me to sneeze (I am allergic to pollen) but, on the other hand, the rain causes other things that make me sneeze - I am allergic to mold as well. Maybe my aversion to rain has to do with being in one too many rainstorms or it has to do with the rain always seems to be associated with feeling sad... Hmmm..... maybe what I just need to have happen is getting caught in the "perfect" rain like in 'Singing in the Rain' or in those romantic movies where you get caught in the rainstorm when you're on a picnic with the one you love... I guess in order for that to happen though, I would need to go on a date or two....

I am truly beginning to think/feel that if I am ever going to find someone, I need to continue to work on myself and my self-confidence issues. I am still trying to figure out how I can be so confident when I'm in front of a group dancing (while balancing a sword!) but I'm so not confident when it comes to other aspects of my life. Unfortunately I can't go around with my sword all of the time so I'm going to have to try and figure out how to take that feeling with me in my other day to day activities. If anyone has any ideas in how to do that, I'm all ears!

I know that at some point I am going to have learn to let things go; especially things that I can't change. This is something that I definitely don't know how to do. I have people tell me often that I need to learn how to let go of things before they eat me up inside but that is a skill that I haven't learned. I tend to internalize everything and take things to heart (even things that may seem insignificant). For as long as I can remember, I have internalized things. Because of this fact, it does cause me to toss and turn nights. One of these days I will find a way to de-stress before I go to bed - maybe then I'll get a full night's sleep.

As I've been thinking about it, I think maybe one of the things I need to consciously do each evening before going to bed is something for me. Whether it be writing, reading a book just for enjoyment, cross-stitching I need to find someway to relax in order to sleep at night. Because I haven't been sleeping overly well and because of stress at work, I have a feeling those are a couple of reasons why it's taken so long for me to get over this cold that I caught back around the Holidays. Thankfully I am starting to feel better but I'm still not 100% yet.

I was at least over my cold enough to perform last night. I was invited to dance at a fundraising event last night and we raised $244 dollars for a local charity. Myself and four other troupe members opened the show with one of our choreographies (another gal and myself lead the dance because our instructor opted to watch). Near the end of the first set, I danced my sword solo (and, from the crowd response, I was one of the biggest hits of the entire show). To open the second set, my instructor, me, and one other troupe member danced another troupe choreography. A great time was had by all! I had a lot of fun last night and am very glad that I took a nap yesterday afternoon (even if it was just a short one). =)

On that note, since I didn't get a nap today (I was busy doing dishes, laundry and vacuuming), I should probably turn off the computer and relax before going to bed. Gotta get up early for work in the AM. Hopefully the rain will be done soon.... Nighty night, all!

"How did you end up here?"

I have been asked this question several times over the last week or so. For whatever reason, this week several people have found out that I didn't grow up in this area and the question, "How did you end up HERE?" came up as it usually does... Well, I answered said question with the story of how I ended up here (the whole moving to the area with the wasband, him choosing to divorce me here and I stayed in the area for my job and then dancing) and I actually had one person tell me, "that kind of stuff actually happens in real life and not just in the movies?" Honestly if I had to fashion my life after a movie, I probably would have picked a different one. Oh, well... I am making the best of my situation and actually trying to thrive in spite of it all.

I discovered another aspect of my life that the same question (just in a different format) applies to - how did I end up as a 31 year old who doesn't really know how to cook? It's not that I don't have the capability to cook (as my Grandma tells me, "If you can read, you can cook"); it's mostly that I've never really had the desire to cook. Today I feel pretty accomplished - I made myself vanilla flavored French toast. Yum!! Not to toot my own horn but it was AMAZING! I guess I will just have to be careful with my new found interest in cooking because I definitely don't want to gain my weight back.....

I do think that starting to cook for myself is going to help boost my confidence some and it might also help some with my weight loss because if I cook for myself I won't eat as many prepackaged meals or eat out because they're "easier" meals. Granted, cooking for one can be a challenge from what I have discovered when I've attempted to cook in the past because I, for one, don't like to eat the same thing day after day. So, I guess I will have to start finding recipes that I do like and then finding ways to cut the ingredients so I don't make as much (since most recipes are for 4 or more servings and I don't need to make that much for myself).

Something else that I know will help my eating habits is attempting, once again, to remove some of the stress from my life. I know that I have written about it before and haven't really found ways in which to reduce said stress but I want to make a more conscious effort to do so. I know that there are some stressors that I can't necessarily control but I can work on not always having them take over my brain (especially when it comes time to sleep). I think one of these days someone needs to invent a device that allows you to turn off the thoughts running through your head so you can sleep at night. That would definitely be something I would invest in if invented....

I am also going to attempt to find time to introduce into my schedule that I want to do again. I seem to spend so much time doing things that I feel I have to do for other people that I've put aside things that I've wanted to work on. I have two blankets that I've wanted to cross-stitch (something I enjoy doing) and I haven't worked on either of them for awhile now. Yesterday I spent several hours working on one of them and that felt really good. Since I have tomorrow off of work, I think I am going to spend more time working on it just for some "me" time.

Actually, I think I'm going to turn off the computer for tonight and work on some stitching and to see where I end up... Hopefully it's in a good place... =)