Transitions......

So I survived the big 3-0 birthday and want to know why I didn't get my copy of the "I now have insider information to life" booklet..... Okay, so I wasn't really expecting a booklet explaining the mysteries of the adult universe, but a girl can dream... ;)

One of the things that I did notice about turning 30 is my world didn't fall apart (which is a good thing). I also noticed that I don't necessarily have any more input than I did when I was 29 either. But I did get a good piece of advice for my birthday, "who says life has to end at 30?! You can make this the BEST time of your life yet!!" I hope to....

Something else I noticed, I noticed a few days after my birthday - - the indent on my left ring finger caused by my wedding band is no longer visible. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I mean, it is yet another outward symbol of me moving on (and it's been almost two years since the wasband left) but I guess I had just gotten used to the indent being on my finger.

I guess these new discoveries lead me to a new/different/scary transition point in my life. There are times I feel as if I've had so many transitions in the past 23 months that I am just like a snowflake or a raindrop twisting and twirling in the wind or a wave being tossed about by the ocean. I guess it's time for me to try and take hold of my life rather than just leaving it all up to fate.

Like I said last week, I don't want to fight anymore... Yes, I have a "spirit" to me that I don't want to diminish but it gets so tiring fighting life all of the time. Maybe being so tired comes from fighting decisions that I have been faced with lately that may lead me down a different path in life. I have another potential opportunity this coming week (another job interview) that I am interested in but wary as well. I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case it falls through, but this opportunity would open up other doors/opportunities for me as well (more money would allow for me to go back to school and have a slightly bigger apartment than the one I have now; it would also allow for me to grow professionally). I guess all I can do is interview my best and go from there...

Yes, that may sound like I am just leaving things up to fate but when it comes to interviewing there is only just so much that I could do. I can answer the questions to the best of my capabilities and then the decision making process really does leave my control. Just have to wait and see...

Maybe I need to apply one of the songs we use during transition time in my classroom (we use this particular song during clean-up time which is pretty apparent...). The song lyrics are "Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody, everywhere! Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody do your share!" I guess it's time to roll up my sleeves and clean-up some of the more "dirty" corners of my life. Time to plug in the iPod, since I don't have my own eight-track player, (we used Dad's old eight-track tapes to clean to growing up - and yes, they were old then) and clean in time to the music.

On a more positive note, I have a belly dance solo that I will be working on this upcoming week for a performance a week from today. It is a show that is being performed at a restaurant and the theme of the show is Halloween (so "my" song, I Put a Spell on You is ironically appropriate). =)

I will let my readers know how the cleaning goes and how the performance goes next time. =)

As if I didn't have enough to worry about....

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, I was told today by my landlord that there have been several break-ins in the neighborhood over the last couple of months. I don't have a lot of valuable stuff but I don't need what little stuff I do have to disappear.... Now, if they want to take some of my random stuff in storage boxes, that would be one thing, but I don't think they would stop at just that....

Hopefully, I won't have to worry about any of that and if they do choose to target my area, my little bundles of fur (the doggies) will scare them off. Even though my pups are small, they think they are big dogs and they have pretty loud barks if provoked. Plus, if mine start barking, there are three big dogs upstairs and I have a feeling they would start barking as well. I guess I will just have to start being even more careful....

It's sad that this is something that we have to face in the world today. I know that times are tough for almost everyone these days, but the fact that people steal from others is a shame. We all try to work as hard as we can for what we have and then there is the fear that someone could just come along and take it all away. In my opinion, that's just really sad.

Something that did make me feel better today was a long-distance phone hug. I'm not going to say who gave it to me (cough-cough, Dad, cough-cough), but it made me feel better. Even just the thought of a big bear hug from Dad, helped make me feel better. It's sad at times to think that I haven't seen my family (other than my one brother coming out to visit in July) in almost a year. Growing up, I thought that what I really wanted was to be on my own away from my family. Now, I'm realizing while I may not want to be exactly where they are (because it's very difficult to find a job there right now), I would like to be closer to them.

Maybe that's one of the things that makes being a grown-up so interesting.... Things that you thought were important aren't necessarily; and things that weren't so important before, can become important. Growing up is never easy, but it makes it easier when you have the love/support of your family. That is something I have realized being so far away from family, on my own. While I have friends, family is different; at least in my opinion. Maybe one day I will be closer to them.

Life is every growing and changing and I can either choose to go along with it or fight it... I don't want to fight it anymore.... I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't want to fight things I can't necessarily change on my own.