Why is it that the road to adulthood is a treacherous one? I mean, I understand that it's not supposed to necessarily easy to make it to adulthood but should it feel as if it is a road that is laced with death traps? Oaky, maybe death traps is an over-exaggeration but it definitely makes a visual impact... I'm not completely disillusioned in expecting the road to adulthood would be all sunshine and unicorns and rainbows but occasionally those things would be nice; maybe that's it's own form of disillusionment....
I'm sure part of feeling this way stems from currently fighting with a friend long-distance because she doesn't understand why I'm not happy and I need to fix it. I don't know if she was hoping if by living vicariously through me she would gather the strength to make her the cross country move that she's longing to make and she's disappointed that it didn't just all magically fall into place for me when I moved or what it is. She's often told me at different points over our friendship that I need to learn how to be happy. I've asked her before what she means by that - sometimes she answers and sometimes she doesn't - but today she just told me to figure out how to be happy.
There are times that it's intriguing to think of emotions as if they were different switches and that I could chose to turn them on and off. Even if that was possible, I don't know if that's something I would want to do. Part of what makes us human is the unexpected emotion that could hit at any time - sure sometimes they are not the emotion you want to feel at any particular time but we're not robots. I'm not exactly sure where I was going to go with that train of thought but there it is...
I spent the bulk of this weekend either doing things for work or working so I don't necessarily feel as if I had a weekend. Yesterday I babysat for one of my nephews and my niece so my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law and her parents could all go out to eat and discuss childcare arrangements as my sister-in-law is preparing to go back to work before too long. It was fun to watch both of them and my sister-in-law brought me food back from the restaurant so it wasn't too bad of an afternoon. Today I spent time building a sensory table with my Dad to take into work and then Mom and I went shopping for things to put in the sensory table (plastic dinosaurs/frogs, scoops, beans, rice, bowls with spoons, etc.). I'm hoping the kids will enjoy playing with it as much as I think they will. I'm slightly frustrated that all of the supplies have come out of my pocketbook but if the kids have fun with the items, some of that frustration might fade away.
The next two Fridays, I will have the opportunity to spend some time with my other three nephews as I babysit them so my sister and brother-in-law can go out. I'm hoping I don't fall asleep while I'm watching them since I will work a full day at my job, hopefully run home to change clothes before running over to their house and watch the boys until who knows what time. If nothing else, it gives me a reason to tell work that I have to leave mostly on time for the next couple of Friday nights and that I'll be unable to work from 5 am - 6:10 pm like I did this past Friday...
Well, my dear readers, the road to adulthood is calling me and saying that I need to finish laundry before I can head to bed at hopefully a decent time so I can (once again, hopefully) get some sleep before starting my work week very early tomorrow. On the plus side, tomorrow I am supposed to have someone start at work who has been earmarked to be the director's assistant; which means she will basically be helping me achieve anything random to my day that comes up - if someone calls out and I don't have coverage, she'll be it; if I need someone to cover a lunch, she'll do that; need someone to answer phones if I'm unavailable, her job again - hope she lasts...
Thank you for joining me, my dear readers. Just to give you a heads up, I am debating taking a hiatus for a little bit but I will hopefully let you know before that happens...
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Magic is almost gone...
It's been one of those weeks where, once again, the magic has mostly run out and I just barely was able to make things work on a daily basis. Each day I had multiple staff call out and I was called upon to make the schedule work. I'm not exactly sure how I am expected to continue to keep making things work but the fact that I've been able to each time it happens makes it difficult to convince others that things cannot continue along this path. Hopefully we'll have some new staff start soon and that will help with some things but only time will tell...
I took a couple of opportunities to branch out some this past week by joining a new member's class at my parent's church and I went to a rehearsal for one of the handbell choirs also at the church. The new member's class was interesting and over the next few weeks, I'm supposed to attend 2 or three more (I'd have to check the calendar). As for handbells, I felt like somewhat of a failure there... I had told the director that I had been part of a handbell choir before but it was a small group and the director marked music - this is a large group, the music isn't marked at all and because of time, he doesn't have time to wait for anyone. He had placed me in a part I hadn't played before, wanted me to play four bells at one time, while using techniques I hadn't been taught before. After about five minutes, he removed me from that position and had someone tutor me on learning bass chimes - we'll see how that works out in the long run...
Even though I had never learned what I was expected to know, I felt like a failure and like I was demoted from the part from bells to the chimes. I know that I need to get to the point where I embrace the chime part but I'm not there currently. Hopefully I will get to that point before the next rehearsal this week.
Yesterday was a bright spot in the bleak week because some of my family members gathered at my youngest brother's house for food and family fun. We spent several hours playing video games, some balloon game my nephew invented and eating yummy food prepared by my brother and sister-in-law. Days like that definitely help to boost my spirits and I hope that I can carry those feelings into this upcoming week.
I have been beating myself up quite a bit this past week for things that were out of my control and it's been somewhat difficult to separate all of the reasoning behind feeling this way. I know that I have felt beaten down by things happening at work as well as feeling somewhat like a loser for not being able to afford a house I have fallen in love with and I'm sure that it also stems from not getting enough sleep - again.... Since I'm behind on sleep, I should put the computer away for tonight in an attempt to head to bed. Hopefully sleep will not elude me tonight...
I took a couple of opportunities to branch out some this past week by joining a new member's class at my parent's church and I went to a rehearsal for one of the handbell choirs also at the church. The new member's class was interesting and over the next few weeks, I'm supposed to attend 2 or three more (I'd have to check the calendar). As for handbells, I felt like somewhat of a failure there... I had told the director that I had been part of a handbell choir before but it was a small group and the director marked music - this is a large group, the music isn't marked at all and because of time, he doesn't have time to wait for anyone. He had placed me in a part I hadn't played before, wanted me to play four bells at one time, while using techniques I hadn't been taught before. After about five minutes, he removed me from that position and had someone tutor me on learning bass chimes - we'll see how that works out in the long run...
Even though I had never learned what I was expected to know, I felt like a failure and like I was demoted from the part from bells to the chimes. I know that I need to get to the point where I embrace the chime part but I'm not there currently. Hopefully I will get to that point before the next rehearsal this week.
Yesterday was a bright spot in the bleak week because some of my family members gathered at my youngest brother's house for food and family fun. We spent several hours playing video games, some balloon game my nephew invented and eating yummy food prepared by my brother and sister-in-law. Days like that definitely help to boost my spirits and I hope that I can carry those feelings into this upcoming week.
I have been beating myself up quite a bit this past week for things that were out of my control and it's been somewhat difficult to separate all of the reasoning behind feeling this way. I know that I have felt beaten down by things happening at work as well as feeling somewhat like a loser for not being able to afford a house I have fallen in love with and I'm sure that it also stems from not getting enough sleep - again.... Since I'm behind on sleep, I should put the computer away for tonight in an attempt to head to bed. Hopefully sleep will not elude me tonight...
Sunday, March 12, 2017
401st post
It just came to my attention that this is the 401st post I'm making to my blog. I don't know at this point if I've had a lot to say or if I've reached beyond my limit... I would like to think I've had some epiphanies in that time but I don't know if I can say that with 100% certainty.
This past week, my Mom, sister-in-law and I survived our first Aqua Zumba class and we're looking forward to heading back next week; at least I think we are. When we got to the fitness center, we weren't exactly sure where we were going but we confidently went a direction we thought was right and we ended up finding our way. After we changed into our swimsuits and took our "cleansing showers," we went into the pool area where we were instructed to pick up a set what looked to be barbells made out of pool noodles. The pool water was warm, the music was fun and the barbells ended up being resistance training for part of the class. We all ended up with some sore muscles but we laughed a lot so those are the things that are important.
Something else that I'm looking forward to is in a few weeks, I have the opportunity to take another dance fitness class from the person I took a class from a few weeks ago with gave us the phrase, "Do you." I have invited my sister, my sister-in-law and my brother's long-time girlfriend to attend the class with me; so far, I know my sister-in-law and I have purchased tickets but I'm not sure about anyone else. I think it's fun that my sister-in-law has decided to become adventurous with me; either that or she thinks I'm completely crazy and just wants to be there to see me crash and burn... I'm definitely hoping it's because she's just wanting to be adventurous with me but I guess time will tell...
This past week at work once again left me with people calling out "sick" and me having to rearrange the daily schedule (sometimes more than once a day) in order to make sure all of the classrooms had coverage throughout the entire day. There were a few times that I myself had to go into a room in order to make things work but we made it through another week. On the plus side, one of my bus drivers is going to try to come into work this upcoming week (he's been really sick and was even hospitalized) so driving the bus will be one thing that's taken off of my plate. My assistant director is also theoretically coming back to work this week after being off for surgery for a week however she's already asked me if she can continue to work half days until she "feels up to" working a full day again. Like a dummy, I already have told her that if that's what she needs to do, that's what she needs to do; I should ask her one of these days if she really wants her job or not and if the answer is that she does, she needs to come into work for a full day and complete the job that is being asked of her.
I am hoping that I am able to make it through the upcoming week unscathed but we'll see if that's what happens or not. So I can attempt to gather myself to prepare for the week ahead, make my lunch for tomorrow, and fold/put laundry away, I should probably bring this to a close for tonight. Thank you for joining me, my dear readers, on this my 401st blog post. Hopefully something I've written along the way has been meaningful to you or inspired you... =)
This past week, my Mom, sister-in-law and I survived our first Aqua Zumba class and we're looking forward to heading back next week; at least I think we are. When we got to the fitness center, we weren't exactly sure where we were going but we confidently went a direction we thought was right and we ended up finding our way. After we changed into our swimsuits and took our "cleansing showers," we went into the pool area where we were instructed to pick up a set what looked to be barbells made out of pool noodles. The pool water was warm, the music was fun and the barbells ended up being resistance training for part of the class. We all ended up with some sore muscles but we laughed a lot so those are the things that are important.
Something else that I'm looking forward to is in a few weeks, I have the opportunity to take another dance fitness class from the person I took a class from a few weeks ago with gave us the phrase, "Do you." I have invited my sister, my sister-in-law and my brother's long-time girlfriend to attend the class with me; so far, I know my sister-in-law and I have purchased tickets but I'm not sure about anyone else. I think it's fun that my sister-in-law has decided to become adventurous with me; either that or she thinks I'm completely crazy and just wants to be there to see me crash and burn... I'm definitely hoping it's because she's just wanting to be adventurous with me but I guess time will tell...
This past week at work once again left me with people calling out "sick" and me having to rearrange the daily schedule (sometimes more than once a day) in order to make sure all of the classrooms had coverage throughout the entire day. There were a few times that I myself had to go into a room in order to make things work but we made it through another week. On the plus side, one of my bus drivers is going to try to come into work this upcoming week (he's been really sick and was even hospitalized) so driving the bus will be one thing that's taken off of my plate. My assistant director is also theoretically coming back to work this week after being off for surgery for a week however she's already asked me if she can continue to work half days until she "feels up to" working a full day again. Like a dummy, I already have told her that if that's what she needs to do, that's what she needs to do; I should ask her one of these days if she really wants her job or not and if the answer is that she does, she needs to come into work for a full day and complete the job that is being asked of her.
I am hoping that I am able to make it through the upcoming week unscathed but we'll see if that's what happens or not. So I can attempt to gather myself to prepare for the week ahead, make my lunch for tomorrow, and fold/put laundry away, I should probably bring this to a close for tonight. Thank you for joining me, my dear readers, on this my 401st blog post. Hopefully something I've written along the way has been meaningful to you or inspired you... =)
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Running out of magic....
Over the last few weeks, I don't think I have had a single day at work where everyone who was scheduled to work has shown up. Most days, I have had multiple call-outs for different reasons and the "magic" I am able to use in order to manipulate the schedule is dwindling. When there are multiple call-outs, I usually then have to schedule myself in at least one room to cover staff lunches (and I then find myself eating my lunch in a classroom vs. eating my lunch at my desk since I just can't seem to find the opportunity to leave for my own lunch) and there are times where it becomes a juggling act of who is going to cover where and when. I told my boss this past Friday that I am going to take over creating the schedule as I'm expected to make it work on a daily basis; currently creating the weekly schedule has been done by my Assistant Director yet it has been up to me to maintain on a daily basis - this system is no longer working for me and I don't know that it ever did work...
I have at least another week before I can let my Assistant Director know about this change as she is out on leave (again). Since I started in January, I have heard about how sick she's been with multiple sinus infections from everyone and this past Friday she had surgery to clear out her sinus cavities. Okay, I can understand and be sympathetic to not feeling well as I myself haven't felt well since I started working here but I've been there every single day and work above and beyond my requisite daily 8 hours. She has been working half days for the past week and a half (when she didn't call out for not feeling well) and when she has been there, it's seemed to gather sympathy and accomplish little. I was actually told by another staff member that I was not being compassionate towards my Assistant Director because as she was talking about not feeling well (again) and her surgery (again), I walked away to actually accomplish some work (my Assistant Director and I share a large workstation). I can be compassionate but I was there to get a job done; because, honestly, someone needed to... On the plus side, it looks like I won't have to work open to close this upcoming week since my boss said she'd close so I didn't have to; however, this past Friday, she told me I should try to leave "on time" and I left after 5 pm.
I find it ironic that I work so much throughout the week and yet I had a staff member this past week tell me (while she was having nothing less than a temper tantrum) that I have done practically nothing in the nine weeks I've worked at the center. This particular staff member and her assistant had a falling out this past week and they each took their opportunity to take out their frustrations with one another on me. I don't mind them taking their frustrations out on me because I actually prevented the argument to continue in front of the kids in their class but I took offense to her saying that I haven't done anything in the time since I've arrived as Director. Are there things that I could have done differently in my time so far? Absolutely. But wanting to have done things differently doesn't mean I've accomplished nothing...
This upcoming week I am hoping to have the opportunity to refresh/rejuvenate myself and do something outside of work because Aqua Zumba class starts this Thursday night. I'm not exactly sure what kind of expectations I have going into the class since I've never done it before but I'm hoping more than anything else that it will be fun. I'm sure attending the class with my sister-in-law and Mom are going to help make it fun but I am hoping we also enjoy the class (especially since I am the one who convinced my sister-in-law to sign up for it). If nothing else, having the class, it makes it so I have to attempt to leave work at a decent time in order to get home, grab something to eat, and get ready to head to the pool for class.
Well, my dear readers, since I've been sitting here for approximately the last 20 minutes trying to think of something else to write and not coming up with anything, I should probably bring this to a close for the evening in an attempt to gather what magic I can in order to make it through the upcoming week. I hope your weekend has allowed you to do just that! =)
I have at least another week before I can let my Assistant Director know about this change as she is out on leave (again). Since I started in January, I have heard about how sick she's been with multiple sinus infections from everyone and this past Friday she had surgery to clear out her sinus cavities. Okay, I can understand and be sympathetic to not feeling well as I myself haven't felt well since I started working here but I've been there every single day and work above and beyond my requisite daily 8 hours. She has been working half days for the past week and a half (when she didn't call out for not feeling well) and when she has been there, it's seemed to gather sympathy and accomplish little. I was actually told by another staff member that I was not being compassionate towards my Assistant Director because as she was talking about not feeling well (again) and her surgery (again), I walked away to actually accomplish some work (my Assistant Director and I share a large workstation). I can be compassionate but I was there to get a job done; because, honestly, someone needed to... On the plus side, it looks like I won't have to work open to close this upcoming week since my boss said she'd close so I didn't have to; however, this past Friday, she told me I should try to leave "on time" and I left after 5 pm.
I find it ironic that I work so much throughout the week and yet I had a staff member this past week tell me (while she was having nothing less than a temper tantrum) that I have done practically nothing in the nine weeks I've worked at the center. This particular staff member and her assistant had a falling out this past week and they each took their opportunity to take out their frustrations with one another on me. I don't mind them taking their frustrations out on me because I actually prevented the argument to continue in front of the kids in their class but I took offense to her saying that I haven't done anything in the time since I've arrived as Director. Are there things that I could have done differently in my time so far? Absolutely. But wanting to have done things differently doesn't mean I've accomplished nothing...
This upcoming week I am hoping to have the opportunity to refresh/rejuvenate myself and do something outside of work because Aqua Zumba class starts this Thursday night. I'm not exactly sure what kind of expectations I have going into the class since I've never done it before but I'm hoping more than anything else that it will be fun. I'm sure attending the class with my sister-in-law and Mom are going to help make it fun but I am hoping we also enjoy the class (especially since I am the one who convinced my sister-in-law to sign up for it). If nothing else, having the class, it makes it so I have to attempt to leave work at a decent time in order to get home, grab something to eat, and get ready to head to the pool for class.
Well, my dear readers, since I've been sitting here for approximately the last 20 minutes trying to think of something else to write and not coming up with anything, I should probably bring this to a close for the evening in an attempt to gather what magic I can in order to make it through the upcoming week. I hope your weekend has allowed you to do just that! =)
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