Leap of Faith

I currently feel as if I'm standing on the edge of a precipice, with one foot extended, as I prepare to step forward...  That may sound overly dramatic but I am on the edge of something dramatic - I am preparing to take a leap of faith and move approximately 2400 miles cross country.  The thought of it has me somewhat scared to death but the decision has also left me with an overwhelming sense of calm.  I told my boss this past week that I'm going to be putting in my notice by the end of the year and it did not go over well; she even asked me if there was anything she could do to convince me to change my mind - the answer is "no."  Telling my staff was hard but they are all encouraging me to follow what my heart is telling me and my heart is telling me to go.  I haven't told the parents or the kids yet and I'm sure those conversations are going to be the most difficult...  Actually, I've told a couple of the parents because I've asked if I could use them as references.

I have been debating this move for some time and feel as if my landlords letting me know about selling their home has been the kick in the butt I've been waiting for in order to make this decision.  I have more decisions to make in this process but the decision to move has at least been made.  I have started to go through things in my apartment and have been trying to determine what to take with me, what to try and sell, and what I just want/need to get rid of.  Going through stuff has made my dogs even more neurotic than usual because they can definitely sense that something is going on; even if they don't understand what that is.  Because my dogs are older, I'm hoping that they do okay with this entire process.  The one has a tendency to get car sick so that's going to be an adventure in and of itself...

One of the things that has been both emotional and has brought some closure is throwing away some things from the wasband's and my failed marriage.  I'm not throwing away everything (finding some of the photos from our wedding day did bring a smile to my face) but I am getting rid of love letters I've found and the journals I kept during his time out to sea.  I'm not sure why I kept those things when the divorce became finalized but I think I am ready to get rid of those things and move on with my life.

Another thing I did today in order to move on with my life is I was going through my closet, getting rid of some clothes and I came across my wedding dress.  The dress I wore to my wedding was a formal crushed velvet dress with a faux fur wrap around the shoulders with a mermaid tail train.  The wedding dress made it's way into the bag of donated clothes and the bags made their way to the donation site today.  Also in the donation bag went the wedding night nightgown/robe and the outfit I wore to my brother's wedding the day the wasband and I met.  I wasn't ready to get rid of these items after the divorce was finalized but I think it was definitely important for me to get rid of them before moving.  In a sense I am closing this entire chapter of my life in order to take the next step.

Along with other emotional things from this weekend, today I had my final performance at the dance studio.  We haven't had a night like this at the studio in some time but we transformed the studio into a nightclub and had the chance to sign up and perform.  The troupe opened the show with a few of our group choreographies and then towards the end of the show, I danced a solo.  Since it was the last time I would have the opportunity to solo at the studio, I decided to dance the first solo tonight that I ever danced at the studio (a middle eastern version of "I Put a Spell on You") and then I danced to one of the group choreographies that has kind of become "my" dance - our Story dance.  When my instructor introduced me, she said that it was going to be my last performance at the studio and some of the dancers got emotional.  Even though it was emotional for me too, I was able to keep it together and give almost the performance I wanted - I wish I would have done more with the first piece but doing my first piece "one more time" at the studio was a little overwhelming today.  I am glad I danced both of the pieces though.

Well my dear readers, after this emotional weekend as I stand on the edge of this precipice preparing to take my leap of faith, I should probably bring this to a close for this evening.  I have at least one job interview lined up this week and I'm hoping for a few more possibilities to come my way so please keep your fingers crossed or say a prayer for me - this Gypsy would appreciate it!  Thank you for joining me along this next section of my quest!  =)