Don't mind the sawdust...

I saw a sign this past week that said, "Don't mind the sawdust; this circus is under renovations."  After seeing the sign, it struck me that my own circus needs some renovations, too.  I know I've written about it before but I need to do something - the clowns/acrobats/animals/trapeze-ists/trainers/everyone else are tire and they need some semblance of a change of pace.  Going non-stop at at a breakneck pace will take a toll on the best of us and this particular ringmaster (me) is just plain tired...

I have been traveling yet another week and I am not looking forward to heading back into work tomorrow.  I got back to may apartment late last night after traveling through/to four different airports, having a suitcase that didn't make it back until today and I'm just ready for things to be quiet and stop moving.  The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of travel and my body/mind doesn't necessarily know what time it is.  This past week I was traveling for a death in the family and the week before that I was traveling for work.  I was very glad to get the opportunity to spend time with family but as always the time was entirely too short and we all made whirlwind trips for the funeral so we didn't get to spend lots of time together.  Mom and I even made an additional whirlwind day trip up further north to see my grandma; it added to the busyness of an already hectic trip but I was very glad that we got to spend some additional time with her (it was wonderful to see you grandma!).

While at the gravesite after the service, I talked to one of my uncles (on my Mom's side) about work. He's always worked an insane amount of hours (sometimes 12-14+ hours a day, 7 days a week) and it dawned on me that I'm guilty of doing the same.  When I talked with him about it, his response was, "don't be like me, even I don't want to be like me anymore, just don't do it."  He didn't really supply any insight of how I'm supposed to make this change but since it really surprised me coming from him, I do want to give it some serious thought.

One of the things my Mom and I talked about while we were visiting was how many people in my family (on both sides - immediate and extended) have addictive personalities of one form or another.  We have people with addictions to drugs, alcohol, food, work, etc. and it's damaging to all of us in it's different forms.  In my immediate family, in multiple people there are addictions to food and work and I am personally addicted to both of those things.  I know that I need to come up with a plan to overcome these addictions because they are both adding to my mental/physical/emotional stress and that's not healthy.  Knowing myself, I need to come up with some sort of a game plan before I can make a change because without said game plan, I will be more likely to just give up (because I am a perfectionist).

Something else Mom and I talked about is in our family we have a "BSA - with emphasis on the BS..."  The BSA stands for "B (last name which I'm not going to use here) Standard Answer" which we all tend to use to answer any question about ourselves - it's the "I'm fine" answer even when you're dying inside; or the "sure I can do that" when you already have 10,000 things on your plate; or even the answer of ignoring ourselves to put the needs/wants of others first.  This way of responding is something that I want to add to my "to do list" of things to change.  On one hand, I know it's good to want to help others but it's not always a good thing when you constantly put yourself last in order to make that happen.

On that note, my dear readers, this ringmaster is going to sign off for tonight in order to gear up for whatever comes my way when I head into work tomorrow.  I need to prepare myself by picking a very "me" outfit to put on so I have that armor for whatever I'm walking into.  I hope you have a great week and have opportunities to let the sawdust settle in your personal circus.  Thanks for joining me! =)