Respectfully Disagree

So I got caught...  The choir member who gave me the piece of paper last Sunday asked me during choir practice on Thursday what I was writing (because she correctly guessed I wasn't taking notes about the sermon).  I started to tell her about my blog and about what I wrote about last week.  When I told her about feeling like a fraud, it took a couple of times of me saying the word fraud and then she finally spelled it out (f-r-a-u-d) to make sure she heard me correctly.  When I said yes, that I had been feeling like a fraud, she responded that she respectfully disagreed with me.  Now I'm honestly okay with that because everyone is entitled to their own opinions (which I told her) and I also told her that I'm entitled to feel how I'm feeling regardless if she agreed or not.  She asked if I would be okay with her reading what I wrote and I took her a printed out copy of my post from last week today.  I took it to her this morning and I was touched because she had tucked extra paper in her choir folder specifically for me in case I needed it again.  We'll see if she has anything to say about my writing when I see her at choir practice this coming Thursday...

I do think it's interesting that this is the first time I've really talked about my blog with the individual in the church choir since she and I have sat next to one another almost the entire time I've been in the choir (I joined the choir in 2008 and have been writing my blog since 2009).  When she and I were talking about it, she asked if I would be bothered if she read what I wrote.  I told her that every Monday morning, my Grandma and I have breakfast together since she reads it every week (Good morning, Grandma!).  Although I don't necessarily go around and advertise that I write, I honestly don't mind who may come across and read what I write; because, once again, I think it's okay to respectfully disagree with people's opinions (the key is being respectful about it though).

How I've been feeling lately came up at the dance studio this past week and it did not sit well with my dance instructor.  We've been learning a new choreography for an upcoming performance in March and I'm definitely struggling with it.  It's not so much the moves I'm struggling with but the particular style of the dance.  It's a very flirtatious/girly dance and that's not my favorite style - I tend to lean more towards the dramatic.  When I told her that I've been struggling, she said that when we struggle it tends to be right before we have a breakthrough.  While I can see what she's trying to point out, I just don't know if that's what's going to happen in this particular instance.  It seemed to me as if she took what I said very personally and that's not how I meant it - I just wanted her to have an insight into how I was feeling.  She said that I would be bored if I quit dancing and I said that it might just be that I needed to take a break for awhile and then come back to it.  If I take any sort of a break it will be after this particular performance since we had to sign a contract saying we would only miss two rehearsals and they needed to be because of emergencies - I don't think because I want a break counts as an emergency...

Because of how I've been feeling lately, I'm wondering if I am in need of some sort of a drastic change.  I'm not sure what that drastic change will be but it might be what I need to push me in a different direction.  I know that changes don't necessarily have to be big ones but I'm thinking because of feeling "fraud-ish" it might have to be that drastic change to push me beyond that feeling.  I am going to give some careful consideration to what this drastic change will be so I don't add regret to how I'm feeling.

I'm sure that it doesn't help at all that I've been health wise under the weather yet again.  It's been raining and the temperature has been fluctuating so there is some fuzzy stuff growing outside (which I'm allergic to) and I'm not sure if I've ever fully gotten over what I had a few weeks ago when I went to the doctor.  Because I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose, sleep has been restless (even though you need more sleep when you're sick) and that has changed my temperament as well.  I've been drinking my orange juice today and taking some medication so I'm hoping that will push me over the hump.  Tomorrow, first thing, I get to head to get my yearly work physical so, depending on how I'm feeling, I might talk to the doctor to see if he thinks it's allergies or if I still have a cold/sinus infection hanging on.  It's one of those times where I'm hoping it's just allergies...

On that note, I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight so I can take some more sinus medication and hope to get some sleep tonight.  I hope you have a good week my dear readers and if you have to disagree with anyone, I hope you are able to respectfully disagree with them - remember, we're working on being kind.  Thank you again for joining me!  =)