No more...

I know it's early but I've already decided to make one of my new year's resolutions (effective now) - I have decided to be done letting the drama of those around me have such an effect on me.  I know that some things will be unavoidable (I am always willing to listen to/assist with where I can drama of family members) but I'm going to try my absolute best to not have the drama of others become the things that weigh me down.  For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to help "fix" those around me and in doing so, I have a tendency to internalize their problems as my own (something about me also being a perfectionist I think).  In doing so, I find myself constantly stressing because I take their problems/drama on as my own and I have found that I have stopped working on me.

I don't know why I have felt such a compelling need to respond to messages/phone calls/emails of people who only seem to need me when things are either going wrong in their lives or when it's convenient for them but I'm over it.  For example, today at church as I walked in the door, the pastor surprisingly stopped me.  It took her a minute to remember my name and then told me, "I've asked lots of people to do something for me today and after they all told me no, I figured you might be interested."  Wow....  Gee thanks.  After you asked lots of other people, you just figured you'd ask me?  She actually seemed shocked when I politely told her no.  I didn't feel guilty about saying no then and I don't feel guilty about it now.

I have been challenging myself to say "no" in situations where I really don't want to do something (as long as by saying "no" I'm not going to lose my job) and be okay with my answer.  There have been different times in my life where I felt like a slight failure if I've had to say "no" to something but I'm learning otherwise.  I'm definitely not trying to be mean/nasty with my saying '"no" but I know that there are times for my own sanity [I know, I know.... what sanity =) ] I need to do a better job at learning when to admit that I can't add anything else to my already overflowing plate.

Speaking of overflowing plates, this past week at work, I ended up working just shy of 12-hours Monday - Wednesday and then another 4 hours on Friday (it was a day off but I had to go in to sign off on payroll and have a meeting with the boss).  So out of a week where I was supposed to have two days off, I still found a way to work an almost 40 hour work week.  That means, this upcoming week, I really need to find a way to take some hours away from work.  I am hoping that either Tuesday or Wednesday I'll be able to get away with working a half day but we'll see how that goes.  I know that I just need to commit to taking the time off and just tell everyone that I'm reachable by phone if something major comes up but I feel bad doing that with my upcoming vacation.  I know, I know...  It sounds like I'm already trying to talk myself out of taking the time off of work but I think what I just need to do is tell two of my other office staff to kick me out of the building and not listen to me if I try and say no.  Maybe if they kick me out, I'll feel better about it...

Something I finally decided to do for me is I am no longer wearing any jewelry from the wasband.  I have been wearing diamond studs he gave me (they weren't given for any particular reason, they were "just because" diamonds) because they were diamonds but I have decided that I no longer want to.  I had been considering switching them out for awhile but today was the day that I finally went for it.  I went to my piercing studio so they're nice earrings but they are completely mine.  I feel pretty good about my decision.  I still have the diamonds and I will, at least for the time being, tuck them away in a safe place but I'm not going to wear them for the time being.  A decision for my own mental health if nothing else.

Well my dear readers, I am going to bring this to a close for this evening, think about getting ready for my work week and see what time I'm able to get to bed tonight.  I have been having a little bit of trouble sleeping (again) so I'm hoping to be able to get some good sleep tonight.  I hope that you have a wonderful week and be drama free from those around us!  =)