Feelings

I was reminded of something today...  I was reminded that my feelings are just as valid and important as the feelings of those around me.  This isn't necessarily a foreign concept to me but it is a difficult one for me to internalize and connect with on a daily basis.  This is something that I know that I need to change.  I need to focus on myself with the same diligence and passion that I focus on others in my life.  As I've written on numerous occasions, I work so hard on a regular basis to help those around me that I get pushed to the wayside.  And pushing myself to the wayside is something I do almost on autopilot and it's something I do without second thought (except to kick myself later over doing it).  Yes, I know I've said it before, but this is something that I'm going to work on.

If I want those around me to treat me with respect and to not just push me by the wayside, I have to stop doing it to myself.  I have to learn lead by example in this aspect and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that yet...  One of the things that was suggested to me is to think about what I might say in certain situations while I'm in a "rational" state of mind so that when I find myself in a stressful/emotional situation, I will have my "catch phrase(s)" on hand and ready so I won't feel flustered.  I find that when I get into stressful situations I go either into "shut down" mode or I go into the "fly off the handle" mode and neither of those are productive.  I need to find a way to plan ahead and know what I'm going to say in those situations (even if it's just "I need to take a step back, think about it, and I'll then get back to you") and go from there.

As I sit here thinking about things, I think I have become an expert at deflection and focus on helping others so I don't have to help myself.  That's something that needs to change in order for me to continue to help those around me.  If people don't see that I'm willing to put in the effort to help me, why should they turn to me for assistance or to take my advice when it's offered?  I know that I won't be able to fix things over night but because I've brought it to my own attention, maybe it's now something that I can begin to work on...  We'll see...

I think a big part of this stems from once again feeling over stressed and not currently having an outlet to change that stress for myself.  Yes, I'm still dancing however, we're preparing for a really big/important show in a month so that's stressful in and of itself.  I guess this is just an opportunity for me to challenge myself within my personal dancing as my outlet for stress relief and see how that goes.  If that doesn't work, I just may have to think about something else...  I'm not sure what that avenue of stress relief may be at this point but I may need to get out my thinking cap...  On the upside to a new performance though, Mom completed/sent me a beautiful costume this past week (even though it offered it's own set of challenges/stress to her as she worked on it) and I'm taking it to the studio tomorrow to show it off.  It's a costume that is the complete opposite of something I would normally gravitate towards but Mom did an amazing job with it and I hope I will do it justice when I dance in it.

Tomorrow is a day that I get to have off of work and I'm hoping that I can spend at least a little bit of time on myself.  Not focusing necessarily on things that I feel as if I have to do but on things that I want to do.  As it's getting later, I'm not sure what I'm going to spend my time on tomorrow but I'm hoping that it will be something fun.  I think for tonight though I'm going to bring this to a close, maybe curl up on the couch with the dogs and watch a movie or something.  Have a great week, dear readers!