Armor

After the last week or so that I've had, I feel like there are new dents in the armor I wear; some of those dents being bigger than others.  I know that each new challenge is the opportunity to learn/grow from your experiences but other times those new challenges just presents another opportunity to knock you on your butt.  In the last few weeks, I feel as if I have been knocked on my butt several times.


If last week's work drama wasn't enough for one person to have to deal with, I heard back from the HR department and work is NOT going to cover the lenses of my glasses getting scratched up with a child knocked them off of my face and onto the pavement.  I disagree with the ruling but from the claims website they sent me; I'm really not seeing that there are any options for me to pursue (unless I can convince the parent's of the child to cover part or all of the cost to replace the lenses).  Also at work this week, I found myself helping someone else get caught up with their work.  It's not that I mind helping out (it's the people pleaser in me, I guess) but I don't want it to become a situation where they are able to take credit for work that I have done.  I know that people can see me doing the work but it's still a difficult tightrope to have to walk.


Another tightrope that I'm attempting to balance on is I'm working with new dance music.  I have narrowed down my musical selection but have just under a week now to work on how I'm going to dance to it (this upcoming week is where we once again turn the dance studio into a Middle Eastern looking nightclub for us to perform in).  Along with working on this new piece, I'm also going to perform my "standard" sword solo; so in total I will be soloing for just over 10 minutes -- this will be the longest solo I have ever performed.  Yes, I have danced with the troupe for over 45 minutes at various different shows but I see solos as totally different.  I know that I'll have the stamina and endurance to dance for the 10 minutes; it's my fear that I won't be able to keep the interest of the audience for that amount of time.  I guess all I can do is my best though, right?


I feel my armor also got chipped this past week by a couple of different people asking me when I'm going to start dating again.  It's not that I don't want to but I feel as if there are some obstacles in my way in terms of being able to do so -- I don't have very much free time; it's been so long that I don't know where to start; also because it's been so long I'm not sure I remember what to do...  I know that part of finding yourself in a relationship is the willingness to put yourself out there and be vulnerable and that thought is a scary one for me.  Maybe one of these days I'll feel comfortable with removing the armor and putting myself out there again.  There was a new gentleman who sat in the back at church today but, typical me, I did not go up and shake his hand.  Maybe if he's there again next week I will try and muster up the courage to welcome him.  We'll see, though.


Another area of my life where I don't know if I need to repair/remove my armor has to do with my personal weight-loss challenge.  I have been able to continue to lose weight (a staggering amount for me actually) but I still have issues with my body image when I look in the mirror.  I know that my weight is going down because I can see the numbers on the scale as well as see the difference in how my clothes are fitting.  Where I don't necessarily see my weight loss is when I look in the mirror.  I still have issues of how I see myself in the mirror.  I know that's something that I may or may not struggle with the rest of my life but it is hard for me.


If I haven't had enough challenges in the last couple of weeks, yesterday I felt a tickle in my throat, I began to cough and my nose plugged up.  I'm really hoping that it's just allergies and that I'm not getting sick.  I have too many upcoming things to be coming down with something.  Since I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something or not (knock on wood that it's just an allergy attack!), I think I'm going to shut this down for tonight and relax a little bit before heading to bed.  Have a great week everyone!  =)