New

Well, I can add another accomplishment to my name. This past week, my car decided to have one more system failure (the airbag system) and the garage told me it would most likely be astronomical to repair. I had it! So, yesterday, despite the rain, a good friend and myself journeyed 2 hours away and I traded in my car on a 2008 smart car. It's one I've wanted forever and I did it. It's mine. No one else had to be a co-signer. No one else's name is on the registration. It's just mine. On the car I traded in, the wasband was originally a co-signer (I refinanced and it was in just my name) and he was still an "or" on the registration (thankfully he was listed as an "or" and I didn't need to contact him in order to sell it in). I am excited about my purchase and am proud of myself for doing what I needed to do.

A good friend of mine went with me and he was a great help in the entire process. Any other time I have gone to look at a car it was with the wasband and he just took everything for what we were told - he didn't negotiate at all and was just okay with whatever they told us. My friend helped me through the subtle art of negotiation and getting what you want when it comes to buying a car. I learned a lot in going through the process and I got the car I wanted out of it! =)

One thing I will say about my new car is I seriously hope that I don't have near as many issues with it as I did with my other car. Granted, I don't know much about cars but the little I do know is they have a lot of moving parts that can potentially break and cause problems. I'm just hoping that because it's a newer car than the one I had that it'll be in better shape. I guess only time will tell.

Okay, okay. Enough about my car.... If any of you are wondering about the challenge that I issued you as well as myself, I didn't do so well with complimenting myself... I hope you, dear readers, did a better job than I did. I tried and I did better with it towards the end of the week when a good friend of mine asked me to text her daily with my self-compliment and she helped to hold me accountable. Why do I find it so difficult to find something good to tell myself each day? I don't find it difficult to compliment family/friends so why is it so difficult when it's directed to the person I see in the mirror?

I think part of the challenge, at least for myself, is to look past the initial "flaws" I see when I look in the mirror and attempt to turn them into positives. Turn the "flaws" into the things that make me unique. Maybe that will be my challenge to you and to myself this week - - find one thing about yourself that you see as a "flaw" and turn it into something that makes you a unique individual! We'll see how we do come next week...

{Something I forgot to write!! Last weekend my troupe got to perform at one of the largest belly dance festival on the main stage! We got a lot of compliments from our performance overall. I also had one of the belly dancing "legends" approach me afterwards and tell me that they couldn't keep their eyes off of me during our performance - that I just emoted joy and passion! Yay!!}

What you say...

As kids, we're taught to say, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." When did we decide that was an okay thing to teach children to say? Words hurt. Words can attack. Words can sometimes even be more damaging than physical damage. These words don't only need to be the words you direct at other people but directed towards yourself as well. The reason I know this is because I don't often have the kindest words to say to myself...

We did an exercise in belly dance class today that was geared towards expressing good things about ourselves to another troupe member (we paired off and had to take turns telling the other person only good things about ourselves; then we switched and had to tell them good things about them). I, personally, HATE exercises like that! Not because I can't think of good things about other people but about myself. There is a line from the movie Pretty Woman that often comes to my mind in situations such as this, "the bad things (people tell us) are easier to believe."

Don't get me wrong; I have had people pointing out the good qualities they see in me ever since I was little. However, a relationship I was in during High School showed me that people can say cruel and hateful things to someone they say they love. Hearing those things chipped away at what little self control I had as a teenage girl and has really made me doubt myself ever since then. The next relationship I was in screwed me up in a different way because he would often tell me one thing and mean another (and he would then get annoyed/upset when I didn't know what he really wanted). The relationship after that was with the wasband and if you've been following my musings you know how his words cut me to the bone.

I know that there have been times in my life where I have said things in anger and words that I didn't mean. This is something that I'm going to challenge myself to work on. Since I have been hurt by words of other people, I know that my words can also hurt others. I don't want to be the cause of hurting someone else because of what words come out of my mouth. I guess we all just need to consider the other phrase that we learned as children, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

My challenge to all of you (and more importantly, myself) is to find one nice thing to say about yourself each day. I know, I know. It might be a little strange or weird but I think that it's something that we should all attempt. Good luck!

Clothes

This past week I found myself looking at some clothes on-line. That was my first mistake... I have never been one who enjoys buying clothes. I have always found it difficult to find articles of clothing that I like, fit my personality and plain just fit my body type. I know that I shouldn't focus on what size things are but rather choosing the size that fit - - however, I have an issue with buying one size at one store and then finding something I like somewhere else and based on their size chart, I would have to go up 3 or 4 sizes (according to the measurements that were given). Because I found that to be annoying/depressing, I made the comment to a friend of mine that I was considering from now on only buying/wearing caftans and muumuus. Needless to say, she yelled at me and told me that I wasn't allowed to think about that or do it.

It doesn't help that I have once again hit a plateau when it comes to my weight loss goals and I think I need to go back to eating more salads than other stuff. Maybe I just need to shake things up when it comes to how I approach my dance workouts... Granted we do have some upcoming shows where we are going to be pushing our endurance (we have more than an hour of choreography that we'll be starting to work on again - - we have been working on one piece in particular due to a huge show next weekend) so we'll see if that helps or not too.

I guess one of the things that I need to work on is not just focusing on the end goal but to also celebrate the small accomplishments along the way. I know that I have been able to do that for short intervals in the past but it's something that I am going to strive towards once again. At the end of most of our belly dance classes, our instructor has us give ourselves pats on the back to acknowledge what we've accomplished during that class - I will usually participate in said exercise but I don't always believe it. Something else that I need to get over.

I need to find some way to get out of this "funk" that I've been in the last couple of weeks. It doesn't help that I have still have a plugged head and have been coughing on and off, plus I haven't been sleeping well at night, and I have been overextending myself at work. I guess I just have to find a way, once again, to bring some balance into my life. One of the things I am thinking of doing to shake things up a bit is I've found a new piece of music that I would like to play around with for a new dance solo. I'm not sure when I'm going to have it polished or ready to perform but I think it might help. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I heard something in a show that hit kind of close to home - - "a dream is something that fills up the empty places inside of you. When you lay awake at night, what do you feel is missing?" I guess those will be some things that I will need to truly ponder in the upcoming week (and it is something that I want to make the time to do).

Maybe one of the things that will help is to take a break from looking at clothes on-line, focus on some other things and then only look into buying clothes that I can try on first (rather than just looking at measurements). I don't know about any of you out there, but I'm having a little bit of trouble adjusting to daylight savings time this weekend so I think I'm going to sign off for tonight and try and get some sleep in order to get ready for my busy week ahead...

Wonderland

Currently I have Alice in Wonderland playing in the background and Alice just fell down the rabbit hole. Watching her plummet made me think about that feeling and I realized that I often feel as if I could be Alice... She follows this rabbit, falls into a hole (not knowing where it will lead) and then finds herself in a land that often leaves her confused. I can relate.

Granted, I myself have never followed a white rabbit down a hole (that I know of) but I can imagine how dazed and confused she would be afterwards. There are times I almost would rather be in a place such as Wonderland because then my confusion would at least make a little more sense... Yes, if I were in Wonderland I would have to deal with things such as the Red Queen, the Bandersnatch and a Jabberwocky but they are nothing if not predictable. Even Absalom in his riddles are predictable (even if he does tend to talk in circles).

I don't know. Maybe part of my quest is to find my own vorpal sword so I can slay my own Jabberwocky. I don't want to have to stand out there alone and face the beast but maybe that's a part of my destiny. That's something I'm learning about quests/destiny - - you often find yourself facing those types of dangers alone. I know that I have people 100% cheering me along the way and will be there to help tend my wounds but it's the standing there alone that's hard. I know that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger but that's a difficult thought to cling to when a Jabberwocky is bearing down on you. Sorry, don't mind me, dear readers. I guess I'm feeling a little down from my Jabberwocky knocking me to the ground so many times.

I guess I just have to remember something that Alice said, 'sometimes I have as many as 6 impossible thoughts before breakfast." Maybe that's something I need to try and things will start to turn around. I will let you know how that goes...

(I know this isn't as long as I usually write but I got sucked into Wonderland and it's time for me to think about heading to bed. This past week was a very long one and the week ahead looks to play out to be a similar one. I will be sure to let you know how my adventures go and I wish you your own impossibilities.)

P.S. Can anyone out there tell me how a raven is like a writing desk?