My dear readers,
Sorry to disappoint anyone but, due to sickness, tonight's blog post has been cancelled. Hopefully I will feel up to writing next week...
Gypsy
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Challenge Accepted...
Something I read in an article this past week made me go back to a post I wrote in December - what would you do if you weren't afraid? I issued that as a challenge to myself and today I did something where that challenge was accepted. I was looking through the catalog of classes offered through the local parks and recreation department and Mom asked if any of them interested me; that led to me, my sister-in-law and my Mom to sign up for a six-week Aqua Zumba class. Signing up for this class is either going to the dumbest thing ever or the most fun thing ever but we're going to go into it with the mentality of "challenge accepted" and "GERONIMO!" (see post from 3/13/16 if you don't understand "Geronimo").
My sister-in-law watched a video clip of Aqua Zumba that I sent to her and she's convinced that she's going to die from this class but was put some at ease when I reminded her that Mom used to be a lifeguard and I am CPR instructor certified. Since I don't really have any expectations going into the class, I'm going to embrace it as an adventure until the class starts in a couple of weeks... In anticipation of our Aqua Zumba class, Mom and I spent most of the afternoon online so we could each buy a new swimsuit. I, for one, find that to be a particularly arduous task but I finally found one that I think will work (and so did she) but we'll see what happens once it arrives and I try it on.
It's nice to have something to look forward to after surviving yet another work week. We've had some different illnesses and it started to hit some staff members and I actually had six people call-out on Friday (one of them being a bus driver; I luckily got out of driving the bus because a few of the schools we usually drop off at had the day off so one driver was able to manage all of the stops). I'm not exactly sure how I was able to bring it all together and get things covered but I somehow magically did... Going into this upcoming week, I'm really hoping that I don't have to do it again (because I'm not sure if I could repeat the magic) but I'm not entirely optimistic about it; I just received a text message from my assistant director telling me she just started to throw up so we'll see what that means for tomorrow. I really don't want to get sucked into working open to close again but I have a feeling that is what's going to be expected... On Friday when so many people called out sick, I tried to get in touch with my boss telling her I really needed some assistance - it took her six hours to get back in touch with me...
I have once again found myself in an all too familiar situation where I am working far too many hours than should be expected of one person and I'm just told to figure it out. I definitely need to find someway to obtain and maintain some semblance of a work/home balance but I have no clue where to start. In anticipation of working too many hours in one day tomorrow, I am going to bring this to a close so I can attempt to get ready to face that kind of a day and head to bed. Thank you for joining me, my dear readers and I hope you find your own challenge to accept.... =)
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Do you!
The title of this week's post isn't a question, it's meant to be a statement or even a declaration. Some people would say it's crazy but yesterday my sister and I took the opportunity to participate in an hour long dance workout class three hours away; she and her family opted to spend the night there so we drove separately, met up at the class and then because I wasn't feeling great (my major cold or whatever I've had for the last few weeks is still hanging on), I drove back after the class. Now, this wasn't a "normal" dance workout class - it's extremely upbeat, a little crazy, but it was so much fun! I found this particular person on YouTube a little while ago and have enjoyed dancing along to his workout songs in my living room so when I saw he was going to be close, I asked my sister if she wanted to go. I really enjoyed myself and got into the entire experience; she said she enjoyed it but she takes her workouts extremely seriously and seemed more interested in the mechanics of the movements but I don't know what she got out of it overall.
One of the things that the instructor said multiple times throughout the time was for each of us to "do you." He said that he and his two back-up dancers were up on stage performing "suggestions" on ways to move however, if we felt compelled to move another way to go for it. There were even times in the different songs that he said "do you" and it was an opportunity to do whatever we wanted to in that moment. Before we even started the class, he had us get on the floor and place our hand on the wood while he told some crazy story about the wood being from 1700 B.C. and that it was sacred and some other nonsense; but then he said because it was "sacred," we were in a space of no judgement and he hoped that he would be able to lead us in not only a physical workout experience but an emotional experience as well. I thought that was very cool. There were people of all shapes, sizes, age, ability, everything there but before we even began, we were told we could feel comfortable in our own skin in his class and he gave us permission to be ourselves. Even though I belly dance, there are often times that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin so it was nice to have that reminder from him.
There were times in the class that I started to get a little frustrated with myself because I wasn't picking up the dance moves like I wanted to (they were songs that I hadn't done before) but then I reminded myself that it wasn't important to perfect the moves it was important to enjoy the overall experience. Not only did I work up a sweat during the hour but I felt as if I was able to embrace what he wanted us to get out of the time he was leading us in the dancing. I think it definitely helped remind me that it's okay to be myself and whatever version of myself that I want to be and that should be enough - no one else needs to approve.
This reminder was especially important after this past week at work. Because my assistant director has been on vacation, I worked from open to close for all of last week (and have to do again tomorrow); which meant last week I worked 65.25 hours and got paid for 40 of them (gotta love salary) and tomorrow will be another 13 hour day. Because I have still been sick and exhausted, it forced me into a pretty dark space mentally and emotionally and I wrote some things on a post-it note one day out of frustration. Part of me is glad that I didn't hand the post-it note to my boss but part of me wishes that I would have. This is what the post-it note said (I write really small so it all fit on one post-it): "There are times where i feel as if the system itself is so far broken that not even someone with my level of knowledge/expertise can fix it. How much more time/energy should be invested into what feels as if it is a sinking ship? At what point do you say there are too many holes for one person to plug themselves as the ship is underwater before you drown? i am not one tho easily or willingly wants to give up but at what point does it become about self preservation?" In a way it kind of shocked me that not only was I able to write what I was feeling down but that I was also able to accurately explain how I was feeling.
I sent a photo of the post-it note to one of my brothers who, after we texted back and forth a little about it, told me I could change/adapt or I could fade away - there really isn't a third option. While I know he's right, the thought of it definitely scares me. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time (or if you're family), you know that I don't do change well and, depending on the change, I can shut down completely. At this point, I need to determine what I can/will accept and what I can't/won't and go from there. I'm not exactly sure what all that is going to entail but I am going to work on it.
Because I have been tired/sick I used today as a "be a bum" day and didn't do much of anything. I know that a day such as today has been well earned/deserved but it also leaves me feeling slightly guilty about not accomplishing much. I haven't really spent much time looking for a place to live mostly because it's depressing realizing that I can't afford much (especially after paying my first health insurance premium this week and also paying for 1.5 years of my car registration) and it's also depressing feeling as if I'm failing in different aspects of my life.
Rather than getting into all of that tonight, I am going to focus on the experience from yesterday and find opportunities to "do me" this week and I hope you, my dear readers, can find/embrace opportunities to "do you!" =)
One of the things that the instructor said multiple times throughout the time was for each of us to "do you." He said that he and his two back-up dancers were up on stage performing "suggestions" on ways to move however, if we felt compelled to move another way to go for it. There were even times in the different songs that he said "do you" and it was an opportunity to do whatever we wanted to in that moment. Before we even started the class, he had us get on the floor and place our hand on the wood while he told some crazy story about the wood being from 1700 B.C. and that it was sacred and some other nonsense; but then he said because it was "sacred," we were in a space of no judgement and he hoped that he would be able to lead us in not only a physical workout experience but an emotional experience as well. I thought that was very cool. There were people of all shapes, sizes, age, ability, everything there but before we even began, we were told we could feel comfortable in our own skin in his class and he gave us permission to be ourselves. Even though I belly dance, there are often times that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin so it was nice to have that reminder from him.
There were times in the class that I started to get a little frustrated with myself because I wasn't picking up the dance moves like I wanted to (they were songs that I hadn't done before) but then I reminded myself that it wasn't important to perfect the moves it was important to enjoy the overall experience. Not only did I work up a sweat during the hour but I felt as if I was able to embrace what he wanted us to get out of the time he was leading us in the dancing. I think it definitely helped remind me that it's okay to be myself and whatever version of myself that I want to be and that should be enough - no one else needs to approve.
This reminder was especially important after this past week at work. Because my assistant director has been on vacation, I worked from open to close for all of last week (and have to do again tomorrow); which meant last week I worked 65.25 hours and got paid for 40 of them (gotta love salary) and tomorrow will be another 13 hour day. Because I have still been sick and exhausted, it forced me into a pretty dark space mentally and emotionally and I wrote some things on a post-it note one day out of frustration. Part of me is glad that I didn't hand the post-it note to my boss but part of me wishes that I would have. This is what the post-it note said (I write really small so it all fit on one post-it): "There are times where i feel as if the system itself is so far broken that not even someone with my level of knowledge/expertise can fix it. How much more time/energy should be invested into what feels as if it is a sinking ship? At what point do you say there are too many holes for one person to plug themselves as the ship is underwater before you drown? i am not one tho easily or willingly wants to give up but at what point does it become about self preservation?" In a way it kind of shocked me that not only was I able to write what I was feeling down but that I was also able to accurately explain how I was feeling.
I sent a photo of the post-it note to one of my brothers who, after we texted back and forth a little about it, told me I could change/adapt or I could fade away - there really isn't a third option. While I know he's right, the thought of it definitely scares me. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time (or if you're family), you know that I don't do change well and, depending on the change, I can shut down completely. At this point, I need to determine what I can/will accept and what I can't/won't and go from there. I'm not exactly sure what all that is going to entail but I am going to work on it.
Because I have been tired/sick I used today as a "be a bum" day and didn't do much of anything. I know that a day such as today has been well earned/deserved but it also leaves me feeling slightly guilty about not accomplishing much. I haven't really spent much time looking for a place to live mostly because it's depressing realizing that I can't afford much (especially after paying my first health insurance premium this week and also paying for 1.5 years of my car registration) and it's also depressing feeling as if I'm failing in different aspects of my life.
Rather than getting into all of that tonight, I am going to focus on the experience from yesterday and find opportunities to "do me" this week and I hope you, my dear readers, can find/embrace opportunities to "do you!" =)
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Tough week...
The joys and excitement from the circus last weekend is gone and this past week has left me feeling burned out and exhausted...
There has been lots of "drama" at work this past week and it's only feeling as if it's going to be worse going into this week. My assistant director didn't do much assisting this past week as she had different reasons to only work half days or less and she will be on vacation for the next week and a day so I will be on my own (and then she'll be back for 2.5 weeks before she's out for at least another week to have surgery and recovery). My boss (the founder of the program) has been out of country for the last couple of weeks on vacation and I'm not sure exactly when she's coming back into the building. I just feel as if I've found myself in a similar situation to the job I just left; where I feel as if it's up to me to accomplish all of the work, putting in too many hours for too little pay, and I'm the only one being held to that standard. I just don't understand it even though I find myself in the midst of allowing it to happen - again.
It also didn't help this past week that I went to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to switch my driver's license and car registration - only to be told I didn't have the necessary paperwork with me and I would need to come back. In complete frustration, I called Mom on the way to pick up the needed paperwork so I could get things taken care of and I had a complete and utter hissy fit over the phone. I was irritated/annoyed at the situation and myself and I took it out on her (which I did apologize for later). Rather than looking at it as a bureaucracy and there is always going to be red tape, I seemed to internalize it as a personal failure of mine for the screw up. Because I was so worked up, I was afraid I was going to fail the knowledge test I needed to take in order to switch my license. I missed fewer than the number I was allowed to miss and only slightly obsessed over the answers I got wrong...
One of the things that was a plus from this past week is I used some of my "training" from my childhood in two different instances at work. Growing up, my parents did Christian clowning where they would transform into their clown characters, go into churches and teach Bible lessons. Because of this, my siblings and I had some unique childhood experiences where we got to not only attend clown conventions but got to participate in the different classes on clown make-up, balloon animals/sculptures, magic, puppetry, etc. (How many of you can admit to doing that?!) So what could I possibly have used from that at work this week? One day I walked into a class just to see what they were up to and one of the teachers was attempting to make balloon animals for the kids based on instructions that came with the balloons and she had never made one before - needless to say, it wasn't going very well for her so I jumped in and assisted (I wasn't sure if I still could make balloon animals still since it's been years and years but I did pretty well with it).
Another opportunity I had was on Friday when it came time to lead chapel for the kids; with about 10 minutes to prepare, I threw something together and it turned out that it worked really well! At my previous job, I had used a "draw and tell" book where you draw small parts of a picture as you tell the story and you have an overall picture at the end. When I found out that I would be leading chapel, I wondered if there were "draw and tell" Bible stories for kids so I typed it into an online search engine and found one that I thought I could do. I told the story, introduced the basic sign language to "Jesus Loves Me" (since Valentine's Day is coming up) and then led a basic prayer. In the two different chapels I led (each one had two of our older age group classes), I had kids tell me that it was the "best-est" and "fun-est" chapel ever! I have ordered the book to go along with the Bible "draw and tell" stories in anticipation that I will be leading chapel again in the upcoming weeks.
In an attempt to not come across as overly whiny and/or pathetic (as I am currently feeling and am in jeopardy of putting some of those thoughts/feelings out there), I think I am going to bring this to a close for tonight, hopefully push some of those thoughts from my mind, and get ready for the week ahead. I hope you embrace opportunities for you and that you can find ways to bring yourself job - I am going to attempt to do the same... Thank you for joining me, my dear readers.
There has been lots of "drama" at work this past week and it's only feeling as if it's going to be worse going into this week. My assistant director didn't do much assisting this past week as she had different reasons to only work half days or less and she will be on vacation for the next week and a day so I will be on my own (and then she'll be back for 2.5 weeks before she's out for at least another week to have surgery and recovery). My boss (the founder of the program) has been out of country for the last couple of weeks on vacation and I'm not sure exactly when she's coming back into the building. I just feel as if I've found myself in a similar situation to the job I just left; where I feel as if it's up to me to accomplish all of the work, putting in too many hours for too little pay, and I'm the only one being held to that standard. I just don't understand it even though I find myself in the midst of allowing it to happen - again.
It also didn't help this past week that I went to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to switch my driver's license and car registration - only to be told I didn't have the necessary paperwork with me and I would need to come back. In complete frustration, I called Mom on the way to pick up the needed paperwork so I could get things taken care of and I had a complete and utter hissy fit over the phone. I was irritated/annoyed at the situation and myself and I took it out on her (which I did apologize for later). Rather than looking at it as a bureaucracy and there is always going to be red tape, I seemed to internalize it as a personal failure of mine for the screw up. Because I was so worked up, I was afraid I was going to fail the knowledge test I needed to take in order to switch my license. I missed fewer than the number I was allowed to miss and only slightly obsessed over the answers I got wrong...
One of the things that was a plus from this past week is I used some of my "training" from my childhood in two different instances at work. Growing up, my parents did Christian clowning where they would transform into their clown characters, go into churches and teach Bible lessons. Because of this, my siblings and I had some unique childhood experiences where we got to not only attend clown conventions but got to participate in the different classes on clown make-up, balloon animals/sculptures, magic, puppetry, etc. (How many of you can admit to doing that?!) So what could I possibly have used from that at work this week? One day I walked into a class just to see what they were up to and one of the teachers was attempting to make balloon animals for the kids based on instructions that came with the balloons and she had never made one before - needless to say, it wasn't going very well for her so I jumped in and assisted (I wasn't sure if I still could make balloon animals still since it's been years and years but I did pretty well with it).
Another opportunity I had was on Friday when it came time to lead chapel for the kids; with about 10 minutes to prepare, I threw something together and it turned out that it worked really well! At my previous job, I had used a "draw and tell" book where you draw small parts of a picture as you tell the story and you have an overall picture at the end. When I found out that I would be leading chapel, I wondered if there were "draw and tell" Bible stories for kids so I typed it into an online search engine and found one that I thought I could do. I told the story, introduced the basic sign language to "Jesus Loves Me" (since Valentine's Day is coming up) and then led a basic prayer. In the two different chapels I led (each one had two of our older age group classes), I had kids tell me that it was the "best-est" and "fun-est" chapel ever! I have ordered the book to go along with the Bible "draw and tell" stories in anticipation that I will be leading chapel again in the upcoming weeks.
In an attempt to not come across as overly whiny and/or pathetic (as I am currently feeling and am in jeopardy of putting some of those thoughts/feelings out there), I think I am going to bring this to a close for tonight, hopefully push some of those thoughts from my mind, and get ready for the week ahead. I hope you embrace opportunities for you and that you can find ways to bring yourself job - I am going to attempt to do the same... Thank you for joining me, my dear readers.
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