I have been sick more often in the last six months or so than I have been in the last six years I think... I am sick yet again and even took most of Friday off of work in order to rest and take medications. I had started feeling like I was coming down with something on Tuesday and felt progressively worse as the week went on. I had no voice on Thursday so opted to skip singing choir rehearsal but I did go to handbells. On Friday morning, I called my boss's boss (since my boss is on vacation), to tell her that I had put in 51 hours of work and needed to go home sick. She paused and then asked me if she had heard correctly when I said I worked 51 hours (and to remind you, I only get paid for 40 hours) and I told her yes. She didn't seem happy about the number of hours I had clocked and told me to go ahead and go home, hoping that I felt better. After about three days of living on my couch (other than to go to church for Easter Sunday and a quick trip to the grocery store), I am feeling some better even though I'm not feeling 100% human yet.
It's starting to hit me (like a ton of bricks) that there is a direct correlation to my health and my stress levels. Some things have been going on at work lately that have caused me to work more hours than usual (which have already been too many hours in each work week) and I am once again sick. I honestly probably should have taken another day off of work last week and I guilted myself into being there. I need to find a way to start taking better care of myself and stop letting work dictate my well-being. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that or what I'm going to cut out but I know I need to do something.
Unfortunately the kids are out of school again this week so that means we are open from very early in the morning until late at night and someone has to be there. On Mondays, the person who's "me" when I'm not there is off so I will need to be there from open to close. I am hoping that I get quite a bit accomplished at work tomorrow so I can potentially take some time off during the week (or at least take a lunch break out of the building) but we'll see what's in store for me going back in after Friday off. I know that there is a meeting with some pretty important people that I have to attend at on Thursday but I have all of my information together already for that meeting so that's one less thing I have to prepare for.
I wore a new pair of dragon earrings to work this past week and on the day I wore them, I said I didn't want to blame it on them but it was a day that I didn't think I should be allowed around people. I was hoping that the dragons would help ward off evil/demons and draw the weirdos to my aid (thanks for helping to put that into words, Mom!). Along any quest, there are always those prerequisite weirdos who assist along the way; and, if nothing else, they help in supplying the comic relief to the person on their quest. I think I need more weirdos to assist in my quest...
Well, my dear readers, I know this isn't an overly long post this week, but I think this Gypsy needs to take some more medication, get myself ready for tomorrow, and get to bed early tonight since I know that my alarm is going to go off very early in the AM. I hope we all find the weirdos that we need to help get us through the week! Thanks for joining me along my quest! If anyone reading has some thoughts on how to help me create some balance (and stop being sick), please feel free to comment! =)
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Why not be me?
I had someone approach me at church today and tell me that she wants to go clothes shopping with me. I saw that as a real compliment since I have my own signature style. Today I was wearing black and white vertical striped pants, a black tunic top, a long textured fuchsia vest and sandals with black beads and clear rhinestones. Now, I'm sure a lot of people would say, "wow, that's a lot of outfit" but I was happy with it and that's what important. The woman who I was talking to about my outfit gave me a boost of confidence since she herself has a very classic style but she said that she wished she could dress more like me. Lately I had been questioning some of my style and I was glad to have it validated.
Since I worked a six-day work week, I decided to indulge and took myself on a date last night. I took myself to the movies which is one of my vices. I think one of the reasons I like the movies so much is I can say I've been in a social situation but I don't have to worry about the anxiety I feel in more conventional social situations. I got to the theatre early since the movie I went to see had just come out this past week and there was hardly anyone in the theatre until right before the movie started. A group of younger people sat behind me and they were making rude comments that I was doing my best to ignore. I could hear them talking about the "lonely lesbian whale" sitting in front of them. There were many assumptions in that one statement and I was impressed that I was able to tune them out. I find it frustrating that teens think it's okay to make comments like that about people...
While I didn't want to take what they said to heart, I kind of did. I don't understand why people make assumptions based on how I look. I know that I could stand to lose some weight but just because I have short/shaved hair, that doesn't make me a lesbian. I know that teens can be cruel; I remember what middle school and high school was like. I do have to make my peace with teenagers as I am currently responsible for the teen side of the building at work. The person who was in charge of overseeing the teens was the also the sports coordinator and she recently had her position split to just being the sports coordinator - so someone has to take on the teens; and per my boss, that gets to be me.
When I was at work yesterday, I talked with two out of the three teen staff to see if we could change some of the things happening in the teen program. One of the things that definitely needs to change is, we need to make that side of the building a place the teens want to come and hang out. I don't know if it's just our teens or teens everywhere but they are obsessed with role playing board games that take place in a different realm/world. I gave the staff a challenge to pass along to the teens - why not rename the teen side of the building as their own realm and make the doors into some sort of a portal - along with the challenge, they're not allowed to name it after someplace that already exists in a game/book/movie/etc; it has to be original. I'm hoping that the teens/staff embrace this challenge because I think it could be a lot of fun to see what they come up with. I think it's important to encourage that creativity and for them to have a place that they feels belongs to them.
I'm hoping that if I can help them discover a place that belongs to them, I can also discover a place that belongs to me. I also hope to one day find a place that can accept me for me and where I don't feel as if I have to squelch my personality/style in order to please others. What I need to do is grab my muchness with both hands and run with it so I can let my freak flag fly again. I think, once again, I have felt the need to take the flag down and pack it away so others can be happy; by doing so, I'm not happy.
Well, my dear readers, as I contemplate some of these things, I am going to bring this to a close for this evening. The kiddos here are on Spring Break for the next two weeks so that means I am facing 12 hour work days starting at just after 6 am so I should probably decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow, get some food together for the day and head to bed. I hope you have a good week and I'll catch you on the flip side - thank you for joining me! =)
Since I worked a six-day work week, I decided to indulge and took myself on a date last night. I took myself to the movies which is one of my vices. I think one of the reasons I like the movies so much is I can say I've been in a social situation but I don't have to worry about the anxiety I feel in more conventional social situations. I got to the theatre early since the movie I went to see had just come out this past week and there was hardly anyone in the theatre until right before the movie started. A group of younger people sat behind me and they were making rude comments that I was doing my best to ignore. I could hear them talking about the "lonely lesbian whale" sitting in front of them. There were many assumptions in that one statement and I was impressed that I was able to tune them out. I find it frustrating that teens think it's okay to make comments like that about people...
While I didn't want to take what they said to heart, I kind of did. I don't understand why people make assumptions based on how I look. I know that I could stand to lose some weight but just because I have short/shaved hair, that doesn't make me a lesbian. I know that teens can be cruel; I remember what middle school and high school was like. I do have to make my peace with teenagers as I am currently responsible for the teen side of the building at work. The person who was in charge of overseeing the teens was the also the sports coordinator and she recently had her position split to just being the sports coordinator - so someone has to take on the teens; and per my boss, that gets to be me.
When I was at work yesterday, I talked with two out of the three teen staff to see if we could change some of the things happening in the teen program. One of the things that definitely needs to change is, we need to make that side of the building a place the teens want to come and hang out. I don't know if it's just our teens or teens everywhere but they are obsessed with role playing board games that take place in a different realm/world. I gave the staff a challenge to pass along to the teens - why not rename the teen side of the building as their own realm and make the doors into some sort of a portal - along with the challenge, they're not allowed to name it after someplace that already exists in a game/book/movie/etc; it has to be original. I'm hoping that the teens/staff embrace this challenge because I think it could be a lot of fun to see what they come up with. I think it's important to encourage that creativity and for them to have a place that they feels belongs to them.
I'm hoping that if I can help them discover a place that belongs to them, I can also discover a place that belongs to me. I also hope to one day find a place that can accept me for me and where I don't feel as if I have to squelch my personality/style in order to please others. What I need to do is grab my muchness with both hands and run with it so I can let my freak flag fly again. I think, once again, I have felt the need to take the flag down and pack it away so others can be happy; by doing so, I'm not happy.
Well, my dear readers, as I contemplate some of these things, I am going to bring this to a close for this evening. The kiddos here are on Spring Break for the next two weeks so that means I am facing 12 hour work days starting at just after 6 am so I should probably decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow, get some food together for the day and head to bed. I hope you have a good week and I'll catch you on the flip side - thank you for joining me! =)
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Geronimo!
If you're a fan of Doctor Who, today's title makes sense to you already and you hear it being yelled. For those of you who aren't Doctor Who fans, "Geronimo!" is a battlecry of sorts when the Doctor is venturing into dangerous (or exciting) situations and he's often diving in headfirst into that situation. I am trying to embody that mentality as I go into this upcoming work week and hang onto that feeling going forward. I feel as if I'm facing some uphill battles at work so having a battlecry like "Geronimo!" is going to help me face those challenges head-on.
Not only do we have an inspection visit this week (with a group of big wigs coming to the building), I have a parent meeting to prepare for, I'm down a staff member (she resigned and her last day was this past Friday), I have a staff member who has received a small promotion and is now acting like all tasks are beneath her, and with all of this, business still has to operate as usual. I'm still trying to learn how to balance things all of these challenges at work and still keep what's left of my sanity in the process. I know that there would be some that would tell me that it's just a job and I shouldn't let it overly stress me out but I don't operate that way - I'm too much of a perfectionist for that. I want to do the best job that I can everyday and that takes effort. I am to the point currently though that I'm asking myself is all of the effort worth what I'm getting back?
In my head I can rationalize that I work too many hours and there is no recognition for the amount of work I accomplish or the amount of time I dedicate to work. So why do I do it? I want to be a good manager and I want to do the best job I can. I guess I'm hoping that one of these days I'll be recognized for those accomplishments even if I know that it's a long shot. Even though I've never necessarily been my own cheerleader (I often find the criticisms in myself versus praising myself for the good) this is something that I might need to work on since I'm not getting it from other people. This is probably another opportunity to go into the unknown yelling "Geronimo!" and hope for the best!
Yesterday the dance troupe had two performances at a large belly dance festival about two hours away. Now, I'm not usually one who likes to ride with someone else to these things but a friend who's not in the troupe wanted to go and she asked if I wanted to ride with her. I said yes and we actually had a really good adventure. It started to rain a little bit on the way there but we were listening to good music and had some good conversation so we didn't really mind. We got to the festival, did some shopping (I got a couple of pairs of new earrings that I fell in love with and I also bought a hamsa painting), and then I had to get ready to perform. Everyone in the troupe survived both performances (and the costume change) and people said we did a really good job. I had two new costumes courtesy of Mom that people wanted to steal and that always makes me very proud to be in possession of her beautiful creations.
On the drive back from the festival, the rain picked up, traffic was heavy and we got a little lost but we had more good music and conversation so it was all okay in my book. One of the things we talked about was dealing with our interactions with people and how it's like having a castle - people you don't know yet or don't trust, you keep outside the city walls and beyond the wall/moat because you don't know what "weapons" they are trying to bring in; people you work with are allowed inside the city walls but they are still outside of the castle because they also have "weapons" they might try and attack you with; friends are invited into the castle and unless they are really good friends, they are kept inside the great hall; family and close friends are invited into your library because that's where you have your advisory meetings; as the ruler of your castle, you have to be wary of who you invite into your chambers because that's where you are most vulnerable - so do you let people in or completely lock them out? Now that metaphor of the castle made a lot of sense to me but I know that my city walls are thick, there are multiple archer turrets, it has a couple of drawbridges to go through and the moat is deep/wide. Not only do I have these things to protect my castle, there is a dragon guarding my castle and that dragon is me. What I have to remember is not to scare everyone (including my advisors) away in my dragon form...
Well my dear readers, I am going to bring this to a close for tonight so I can attempt to go to bed (since I'm not overly tired with it being the first day of Daylight Savings time). As I go into this week, I am going to remember to face every challenge head-on while I shout "Geronimo!" I hope you can do the same! =)
Not only do we have an inspection visit this week (with a group of big wigs coming to the building), I have a parent meeting to prepare for, I'm down a staff member (she resigned and her last day was this past Friday), I have a staff member who has received a small promotion and is now acting like all tasks are beneath her, and with all of this, business still has to operate as usual. I'm still trying to learn how to balance things all of these challenges at work and still keep what's left of my sanity in the process. I know that there would be some that would tell me that it's just a job and I shouldn't let it overly stress me out but I don't operate that way - I'm too much of a perfectionist for that. I want to do the best job that I can everyday and that takes effort. I am to the point currently though that I'm asking myself is all of the effort worth what I'm getting back?
In my head I can rationalize that I work too many hours and there is no recognition for the amount of work I accomplish or the amount of time I dedicate to work. So why do I do it? I want to be a good manager and I want to do the best job I can. I guess I'm hoping that one of these days I'll be recognized for those accomplishments even if I know that it's a long shot. Even though I've never necessarily been my own cheerleader (I often find the criticisms in myself versus praising myself for the good) this is something that I might need to work on since I'm not getting it from other people. This is probably another opportunity to go into the unknown yelling "Geronimo!" and hope for the best!
Yesterday the dance troupe had two performances at a large belly dance festival about two hours away. Now, I'm not usually one who likes to ride with someone else to these things but a friend who's not in the troupe wanted to go and she asked if I wanted to ride with her. I said yes and we actually had a really good adventure. It started to rain a little bit on the way there but we were listening to good music and had some good conversation so we didn't really mind. We got to the festival, did some shopping (I got a couple of pairs of new earrings that I fell in love with and I also bought a hamsa painting), and then I had to get ready to perform. Everyone in the troupe survived both performances (and the costume change) and people said we did a really good job. I had two new costumes courtesy of Mom that people wanted to steal and that always makes me very proud to be in possession of her beautiful creations.
On the drive back from the festival, the rain picked up, traffic was heavy and we got a little lost but we had more good music and conversation so it was all okay in my book. One of the things we talked about was dealing with our interactions with people and how it's like having a castle - people you don't know yet or don't trust, you keep outside the city walls and beyond the wall/moat because you don't know what "weapons" they are trying to bring in; people you work with are allowed inside the city walls but they are still outside of the castle because they also have "weapons" they might try and attack you with; friends are invited into the castle and unless they are really good friends, they are kept inside the great hall; family and close friends are invited into your library because that's where you have your advisory meetings; as the ruler of your castle, you have to be wary of who you invite into your chambers because that's where you are most vulnerable - so do you let people in or completely lock them out? Now that metaphor of the castle made a lot of sense to me but I know that my city walls are thick, there are multiple archer turrets, it has a couple of drawbridges to go through and the moat is deep/wide. Not only do I have these things to protect my castle, there is a dragon guarding my castle and that dragon is me. What I have to remember is not to scare everyone (including my advisors) away in my dragon form...
Well my dear readers, I am going to bring this to a close for tonight so I can attempt to go to bed (since I'm not overly tired with it being the first day of Daylight Savings time). As I go into this week, I am going to remember to face every challenge head-on while I shout "Geronimo!" I hope you can do the same! =)
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Monsters need love, too
My boss made a comment this week about her doing everything that she could to stay above water. She didn't seem to appreciate my (surprisingly snappy) comeback; I said that I understood the feeling however I stopped trying to tread water awhile ago and am just hoping that someone will feed me an air hose. What impressed me is I said what I felt in the moment and even though it seemed to annoy her, I felt good expressing it. There are times I feel as if I suppress what I'm thinking/feeling in order to not rock the boat but in this instance I felt as if it was important to say what was on my mind and exactly how I've been feeling.
I came across a quote this week that has really stuck with me; one of the reasons it stuck with me I think is it described me in a scarily accurate way. The quote is one by A.R. Lucas (who I'd never heard of before) and it reads, "She's stubborn. She hates being touched and she doesn't like many people. Her hair is nearly as black as the heart she wants the world to think she has. In the eyes of some she's a monster, but monsters come in many forms, and some monsters aren't really monsters at all. Sometimes monsters are just fairies that are scared to be loved. And sometimes they're the ones that deserve love most." We just have to remember, monsters need love too...
I have often related to Maleficent and I thought of her when I read the part in that quote about fairies that are scared to be loved. She was a fairy who people labeled a monster and she just wanted/needed someone to love her. I know that Maleficent is not someone that most would relate to or even understand but I am one of those people. I loved the story line of the Maleficent with Angelina Jolie that even though Maleficent cursed Aurora out of anger, she did regret her curse and tried to remedy it eventually. We all make hasty decisions at times (and some of those hasty decisions stem from anger or hurt feelings) but I think if you then try to remedy it, that's what's important. I am a proponent of people getting second chances (and sometimes third and fourth chances) but I do get frustrated when people take advantage of those chances and seem to expect to receive more chances.
We have some upcoming inspections at work and some people are stressing out over them. Now, my opinion about inspections are, inspectors are going to find what they're going to find and they will tend to find more if they feel as if you're trying to hide things from them. That being said, not everyone at work shares my view on inspections and they are worry themselves sick about them. We received some new inspection criteria on Friday and other than printing it out, I honestly didn't really look at it (I had a class to teach Friday afternoon/evening and the class "script" changed so I was focusing on that). I felt as if I had a very solid plan for going over the criteria last year and I will start that process tomorrow; I took the criteria, highlighted it based on programming and then turned it into a spreadsheet. Now, I know that process doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me. I feel as if because I have a plan in place, and am going to start implementing it tomorrow, I'm in good shape. I don't know if everyone at work would agree with me but that's my view.
My boss is one of those people who stresses out over inspections and she called me I don't know how many times about the inspection criteria on Friday. I haven't let her down with an inspection yet (at least I don't really think that I have) and I just want to point that out to her and ask that she trust that I have a plan. I guess all I can do is go into work tomorrow, start my process and go from there. I know that trust has to be earned and I guess I have to earn that trust again with this new criteria. That's all I can do, right?
Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to start implementing my inspection plan tomorrow at work, I should probably attempt to get a good night's sleep. We are currently in the middle of a thunderstorm (and I don't do well with rain/thunderstorms) so I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some good sleep tonight. It's supposed to rain off and on all week so I'm also hoping that I don't have to build an ark for myself to keep from being washed away... With all of the rain, I'm not sure how much muchness I'll be able to bring to myself but I'll need to do something to keep my spirits up with the rain. I hope that you have a wonderful week and thank you for joining me along my quest (monster and all). =)
I came across a quote this week that has really stuck with me; one of the reasons it stuck with me I think is it described me in a scarily accurate way. The quote is one by A.R. Lucas (who I'd never heard of before) and it reads, "She's stubborn. She hates being touched and she doesn't like many people. Her hair is nearly as black as the heart she wants the world to think she has. In the eyes of some she's a monster, but monsters come in many forms, and some monsters aren't really monsters at all. Sometimes monsters are just fairies that are scared to be loved. And sometimes they're the ones that deserve love most." We just have to remember, monsters need love too...
I have often related to Maleficent and I thought of her when I read the part in that quote about fairies that are scared to be loved. She was a fairy who people labeled a monster and she just wanted/needed someone to love her. I know that Maleficent is not someone that most would relate to or even understand but I am one of those people. I loved the story line of the Maleficent with Angelina Jolie that even though Maleficent cursed Aurora out of anger, she did regret her curse and tried to remedy it eventually. We all make hasty decisions at times (and some of those hasty decisions stem from anger or hurt feelings) but I think if you then try to remedy it, that's what's important. I am a proponent of people getting second chances (and sometimes third and fourth chances) but I do get frustrated when people take advantage of those chances and seem to expect to receive more chances.
We have some upcoming inspections at work and some people are stressing out over them. Now, my opinion about inspections are, inspectors are going to find what they're going to find and they will tend to find more if they feel as if you're trying to hide things from them. That being said, not everyone at work shares my view on inspections and they are worry themselves sick about them. We received some new inspection criteria on Friday and other than printing it out, I honestly didn't really look at it (I had a class to teach Friday afternoon/evening and the class "script" changed so I was focusing on that). I felt as if I had a very solid plan for going over the criteria last year and I will start that process tomorrow; I took the criteria, highlighted it based on programming and then turned it into a spreadsheet. Now, I know that process doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me. I feel as if because I have a plan in place, and am going to start implementing it tomorrow, I'm in good shape. I don't know if everyone at work would agree with me but that's my view.
My boss is one of those people who stresses out over inspections and she called me I don't know how many times about the inspection criteria on Friday. I haven't let her down with an inspection yet (at least I don't really think that I have) and I just want to point that out to her and ask that she trust that I have a plan. I guess all I can do is go into work tomorrow, start my process and go from there. I know that trust has to be earned and I guess I have to earn that trust again with this new criteria. That's all I can do, right?
Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to start implementing my inspection plan tomorrow at work, I should probably attempt to get a good night's sleep. We are currently in the middle of a thunderstorm (and I don't do well with rain/thunderstorms) so I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some good sleep tonight. It's supposed to rain off and on all week so I'm also hoping that I don't have to build an ark for myself to keep from being washed away... With all of the rain, I'm not sure how much muchness I'll be able to bring to myself but I'll need to do something to keep my spirits up with the rain. I hope that you have a wonderful week and thank you for joining me along my quest (monster and all). =)
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