Because it is the time of year for Haunted Houses, spooky costumes, creepy movies, etc., kids in my program are talking about what they're afraid of. They are talking about it amongst themselves, they're asking the staff and me, "what are you afraid of?" They think it's funny that I'm afraid of (okay... petrified of) spiders and snakes. What I don't tell them is some of the other things that I'm afraid of... I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of not being good enough. I'm afraid of losing me....
This past week has been a roller coaster ride for me and while I enjoy some roller coasters (mostly old wooden ones), for the most part, I'm not a fan of most of them. I don't know if that comes from feeling completely and utterly out of control while on them or what it is but I don't always enjoy them even though I used to when I was younger. Maybe some of it also comes from feeling as if I don't fit on them and I'm just waiting for the safety mechanisms to fail. Needless to say, because of all of these factors, feeling as if my life is a roller coaster adds to my stress levels.
One of the things I've been dealing with involves work and two of my staff. In two different instances, I had to talk with them individually concerning their interpretations of what was said and then talking to the other staff about it rather than approaching the source of information - me. I know that the boss can sometimes be "scary/unapproachable" but it's always better to find out what someone said and they mean versus trying to guess what was said and come up with your own interpretation. I have been guilty of doing this myself but I have really be making an effort to incorporate the phrase (especially when emotions are running high), "so what I hear you saying is..." and then repeating back to them what you heard. I introduced this to both staff members and they looked at me as if it was a completely foreign concept - even though I've said it in conversation to both of them. Go figure...
My boss is coming back this week after being at a week-long conference so I'm sure she's going to want to meet with me at some point this upcoming week on top of everything else I have going on. My operations clerk will be at a training for a few days this week, we've opened up basketball registration (and my sports coordinator is off tomorrow and Friday), updated paperwork is due from all of the families this week, I get to work for my sports coordinator this upcoming Saturday (because she asked for the day off) and I have all of my work to accomplish... I also have a new food service worker that is being trained so she's potentially going to need some assistance in the kitchen on top of everything else... I really don't want to have to work any more hours than I already do (in addition to an additional day) but I just might have to in order to get everything done.
In an effort to work through some of the overcrowding in my mind, I am attempting to teach myself loom knitting. I am starting by making myself a scarf but would potentially like to work up to making a shawl or a blanket. We'll see how ambitious I feel once I continue the scarf. I started it on Friday after work and I'm about two-thirds done with it at this point. I love the yarn that I picked - it's shades of fire colors (yellow-orange through dark red). I am enjoying the process of it all (even if it's been a little frustrating at times) and think I'm going to be super happy when it's all done. I haven't had a project like this since I was creating cross-stitch baby blankets for my nephews so I'm glad to have something like this to work though some of the things weighing down my mind.
Well my dear readers, I think I'm going to bring this to a close for this evening and see if I can get more rows completed on my scarf before heading to bed. I hope you have a fantastic week and if you must face your fears, I hope you make it through unscathed. Thanks for joining me! =)
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
it's not worth it...
I'm staring my post early this week (it's currently Wednesday evening.... okay.... it's Wednesday, late night) because something happened today that I don't want to forget about. Today was my first day back at work after being gone for my sister's wedding and a staff member approached me to let me know some things staff were saying while I was gone. Staff had been asking me before I left about the upcoming wedding so I was talking about it. According to what I was told today, the staff were annoyed by all of it and felt "obligated to listen to me drone on and on about nonsense" because I'm the boss and they blamed me for not being able to get their work done. It's not that I'm opposed to hearing stuff like this because I can use it as constructive criticism (I think) and grow from it (or use it in my acting... it's a line from the original Fame movie; if you don't know the original, I highly recommend it!). What bugs me is gossip. I have been fodder for gossip before so it's not a new concept but I think we should be more professional than that and leave it out of the workplace....
All of this lead me to a profound statement I made to another staff member at the end of the work day. I had been working all day on a project that my boss assigned (which I completed - yay, me!) so I was behind closed doors for most of the day (I was also thinking about the conversation with the staff member from the morning). When I emerged from my office, I saw one of my staff at a computer after she was supposed to be off the clock. She assured me she had clocked out and I told her she should be headed home. She told me that she just wanted to finish something really quick and I responded, "the work will still be here tomorrow; you don't want to be like me, it's not worth it..." As soon as those words were out of my mouth, I realized how profound it was - I'm telling her that she should do what I do, yet I turn around and work too many hours on a regular basis (I can't remember the lat time I worked a "normal" shift...). If I'm telling her to not do what I do, why in the world am i doing it?! I don't necessarily have the answer to that question but it has definitely given me some thinking to do...
It is now Sunday and this statement has stuck with me for the week ("don't be like me, it's not worth it"). Not only has this statement stayed with me mentally but it's also stayed with me emotionally. When I was talking to my Mom on the phone today about my week, I mentioned this particular conversation and I actually felt myself getting a little choked up while I was talking about it and this was days ago. I think part of what is making me emotional about it all is the truth in the statement. People shouldn't strive to try and be like me - not only because I try to be an individual but also because I know I work too hard and too many hours without any sort of recognition and I don't necessarily want to set anyone else up to experience that.
I had to work yesterday for a "parent's date night" (I worked from about 5 - 11 pm) and I know that one day this week will be a long day because we have a mandatory staff meeting (those run from 6 - 8 pm after working from 8 am - 6 pm already). Because I'm putting in these extra hours, I am really hoping that I'll be able to flex some of that time around and work at least one half day. We'll see how well that works for me...
As I head into a new week, I not only want to remember/embrace what I said, I want to find a way to gain balance. Not only do I want to find balance, I know that I really need to - for my physical well-being and for my mental health. I need to find time in my days to get back into some sort of work out regime because I really haven't been happy with how I'm looking these days. I'm even considering talking with a specialist in order to discuss the different surgery possibilities but I know I need to be "healthy" in order to have that be an option. I know that this would lead to a drastic life style shift but I know I need to do something.
Well, my dear readers, I think I'm going to bring this to a close. I bought a loom knitting kit today and I am learning how to use it so I think I'm going to play with it some before heading to bed. I hope you have a magnificent week and have opportunities to be you. Thanks for joining me along my journey! =)
All of this lead me to a profound statement I made to another staff member at the end of the work day. I had been working all day on a project that my boss assigned (which I completed - yay, me!) so I was behind closed doors for most of the day (I was also thinking about the conversation with the staff member from the morning). When I emerged from my office, I saw one of my staff at a computer after she was supposed to be off the clock. She assured me she had clocked out and I told her she should be headed home. She told me that she just wanted to finish something really quick and I responded, "the work will still be here tomorrow; you don't want to be like me, it's not worth it..." As soon as those words were out of my mouth, I realized how profound it was - I'm telling her that she should do what I do, yet I turn around and work too many hours on a regular basis (I can't remember the lat time I worked a "normal" shift...). If I'm telling her to not do what I do, why in the world am i doing it?! I don't necessarily have the answer to that question but it has definitely given me some thinking to do...
It is now Sunday and this statement has stuck with me for the week ("don't be like me, it's not worth it"). Not only has this statement stayed with me mentally but it's also stayed with me emotionally. When I was talking to my Mom on the phone today about my week, I mentioned this particular conversation and I actually felt myself getting a little choked up while I was talking about it and this was days ago. I think part of what is making me emotional about it all is the truth in the statement. People shouldn't strive to try and be like me - not only because I try to be an individual but also because I know I work too hard and too many hours without any sort of recognition and I don't necessarily want to set anyone else up to experience that.
I had to work yesterday for a "parent's date night" (I worked from about 5 - 11 pm) and I know that one day this week will be a long day because we have a mandatory staff meeting (those run from 6 - 8 pm after working from 8 am - 6 pm already). Because I'm putting in these extra hours, I am really hoping that I'll be able to flex some of that time around and work at least one half day. We'll see how well that works for me...
As I head into a new week, I not only want to remember/embrace what I said, I want to find a way to gain balance. Not only do I want to find balance, I know that I really need to - for my physical well-being and for my mental health. I need to find time in my days to get back into some sort of work out regime because I really haven't been happy with how I'm looking these days. I'm even considering talking with a specialist in order to discuss the different surgery possibilities but I know I need to be "healthy" in order to have that be an option. I know that this would lead to a drastic life style shift but I know I need to do something.
Well, my dear readers, I think I'm going to bring this to a close. I bought a loom knitting kit today and I am learning how to use it so I think I'm going to play with it some before heading to bed. I hope you have a magnificent week and have opportunities to be you. Thanks for joining me along my journey! =)
Sunday, October 11, 2015
We survived!
The wedding is over and we all survived. During the rehearsal, one child fell in the reflecting pool (which we knew was only going to be a matter of time and we were taking bets on who it was going to be) but other than that, we survived. Luckily the day of the wedding was a little warmer than what they were originally forecasting (originally they were calling for 60 and overcast; it ended up being in the high 60s and sunny) but on the preemptive side, Mom bought the bride and us bridesmaids faux fur stoles that not only kept us warm but helped us look like movie stars. The bride was beautiful and the ceremony was lovely; filled with some comic relief courtesy of two of my nephews - one just wanted to be allowed to run around and adventure and the other one didn't want to be involved in the wedding (even though he's my sister's son and she was the one getting married) and he's terrified of bubbles. Oh, well. Memories to tuck away to help remember the day.
Even though it has been a whirlwind trip, I have enjoyed spending time with family and welcoming my new brother-in-law into the family. Today Mom and I took one of my nephews to the zoo and we had an absolute blast. He had a great time and so did we - he even got to experience his first carousel ride (he got petrified right before it started but was all smiles as soon as it began). Tomorrow is my last day here and I know I'll see some of my family members but some that I only saw on the wedding day will have to wait until my next visit (which will hopefully be in December).
I bought a new book in the airport before I left and one of the first phrases caught my attention and has stuck with me - "cherish yourself a little." When I first read it, I scoffed a little bit then I went back, read it again, and realized the profoundness of that statement. Or at least how it was profound to me. I too often brush off any sort of compliment I'm given and I hardly ever compliment myself so I definitely can't say that I've mastered the art of cherishing myself. I know it's going to take some hard work and introspection but I want to change this.
I want to start looking at myself and talking to/about myself as I talk with my friends. I know that I need to be kinder to myself and take better care of myself. One of the things I want to come with a plan for is how I approach work. I am still working too many hours, am too stressed, I don't really eat at work and I don't take off the time that I should. In terms of work, I think I do a pretty good job with coming up with game plans to accomplish tasks - I need to take this skill and apply it to my life in general. When the work day is done, I need to leave. If I work extra hours, I need to work a half day or take a day off. I need to do more things for me - I haven't been to the aquarium or whale watching in forever and those things help to refresh me.
I see that I've used the word "I" quite a bit in that last paragraph and I think it's because I'm realizing it's time for me to be a little bit selfish. I need to start putting myself and that may require some major sacrifices on my part. I am becoming increasingly aware of this, especially as I get older. I am supposed to be in the "prime of my life" but I don't necessarily feel that way. I have some thoughts in my head of how to potentially change this but I want to see about putting some plans into motion before I write about them here.
Well, my dear readers, on that note, I'm going to sign off of here for this evening, read a little bit and head to bed. Tomorrow is my last day here with the family, I travel all day on Tuesday and am back to work on Wednesday. I am going to indulge in spending the last day here and take time to fully enjoy being back with family before going back to the "real world." I hope you find opportunities for muchness in your own lives - I will be grabbing at my own opportunities with both hands! =)
Even though it has been a whirlwind trip, I have enjoyed spending time with family and welcoming my new brother-in-law into the family. Today Mom and I took one of my nephews to the zoo and we had an absolute blast. He had a great time and so did we - he even got to experience his first carousel ride (he got petrified right before it started but was all smiles as soon as it began). Tomorrow is my last day here and I know I'll see some of my family members but some that I only saw on the wedding day will have to wait until my next visit (which will hopefully be in December).
I bought a new book in the airport before I left and one of the first phrases caught my attention and has stuck with me - "cherish yourself a little." When I first read it, I scoffed a little bit then I went back, read it again, and realized the profoundness of that statement. Or at least how it was profound to me. I too often brush off any sort of compliment I'm given and I hardly ever compliment myself so I definitely can't say that I've mastered the art of cherishing myself. I know it's going to take some hard work and introspection but I want to change this.
I want to start looking at myself and talking to/about myself as I talk with my friends. I know that I need to be kinder to myself and take better care of myself. One of the things I want to come with a plan for is how I approach work. I am still working too many hours, am too stressed, I don't really eat at work and I don't take off the time that I should. In terms of work, I think I do a pretty good job with coming up with game plans to accomplish tasks - I need to take this skill and apply it to my life in general. When the work day is done, I need to leave. If I work extra hours, I need to work a half day or take a day off. I need to do more things for me - I haven't been to the aquarium or whale watching in forever and those things help to refresh me.
I see that I've used the word "I" quite a bit in that last paragraph and I think it's because I'm realizing it's time for me to be a little bit selfish. I need to start putting myself and that may require some major sacrifices on my part. I am becoming increasingly aware of this, especially as I get older. I am supposed to be in the "prime of my life" but I don't necessarily feel that way. I have some thoughts in my head of how to potentially change this but I want to see about putting some plans into motion before I write about them here.
Well, my dear readers, on that note, I'm going to sign off of here for this evening, read a little bit and head to bed. Tomorrow is my last day here with the family, I travel all day on Tuesday and am back to work on Wednesday. I am going to indulge in spending the last day here and take time to fully enjoy being back with family before going back to the "real world." I hope you find opportunities for muchness in your own lives - I will be grabbing at my own opportunities with both hands! =)
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Extra time?
It was another long week for me and I'm still reeling a little bit from it. The employee that contacted me last week ended up calling out from work Monday, Thursday and Friday and on Thursday/Friday I had another employee with time off so we were very short handed. I ended up being in programming to help cover and that meant that I fell a little behind on my work. I don't like feeling as if I let anyone down so not getting work done frustrates me. I have to keep reminding myself that I get done what I get done and leave it at that. I just found this quote and need to embrace it - Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~ Emerson
This weekend I didn't necessarily get as much accomplished as I could have or should have. I worked for about six hours yesterday, had a couple of errands to run and then I had a gig to get ready for. My dance instructor had a Libra party last night to celebrate all of the Libra gals in her life (herself included) by having a dance party at the studio. I had no clue what I was going to perform but I got it between two choices - the first piece I ever danced (a middle eastern version of the song I Put a Spell on You) or a piece that I do a veil/sword improvisational dance - she picked the improv piece. By the time I got home, I was exhausted. Today I've done several load of laundry, gave my two dogs haircuts/baths and I started to put some items towards my suitcase (I leave Wednesday afternoon for my sister's wedding).
I'm potentially working 12 hour days tomorrow and Tuesday. On Wednesday I will go in about 6:30 or so and leave (hopefully no later than) about noon. I then will head to the airport at about 2:00 pm and arrive at my destination Thursday morning about 9:30 am. I'm not one who is usually able to sleep on planes but I'm hoping that I'll be able to shut my eyes for a little bit so I'm not doomed - I don't really want to be a zombie when my parents and one of my nephews pick me up from the airport. At some point before 2 pm Wednesday, I will need to finish picking up my apartment and packing my suitcase. I also need to figure out what I'll be wearing overnight to travel - I'm not one that wants to wear yoga/pajama pants to travel but I definitely want to be comfortable since I'll be traveling for so many hours (and be in 4 different airports - counting where I'm taking off/landing).
People have been asking me if I'm going to be doing anything special this week for my birthday. My response has been, um.... when do I have time for that?! My birthday is on Tuesday and I figure if I celebrate at all it'll be when I'm with my family later in the week. Honestly, I would like to take the day off of work and only do things that I want to do but with getting ready to travel and being open for full day programming at work (kids are out of school - I'm very lucky that I was able to get the time off for my sister's wedding that I did...). This year isn't necessarily one of those milestone birthdays for me (I'm 35 this year) but maybe one of these days I'll take the opportunity to celebrate me...
Well my dear readers, I should probably bring this to a close for this evening and get one thing crossed of my "to do" list before I head to bed. I hope you take opportunities for muchness for yourself this week and maybe bring muchness to someone else in your world. Thank you for joining me along my journey for another week! =)
This weekend I didn't necessarily get as much accomplished as I could have or should have. I worked for about six hours yesterday, had a couple of errands to run and then I had a gig to get ready for. My dance instructor had a Libra party last night to celebrate all of the Libra gals in her life (herself included) by having a dance party at the studio. I had no clue what I was going to perform but I got it between two choices - the first piece I ever danced (a middle eastern version of the song I Put a Spell on You) or a piece that I do a veil/sword improvisational dance - she picked the improv piece. By the time I got home, I was exhausted. Today I've done several load of laundry, gave my two dogs haircuts/baths and I started to put some items towards my suitcase (I leave Wednesday afternoon for my sister's wedding).
I'm potentially working 12 hour days tomorrow and Tuesday. On Wednesday I will go in about 6:30 or so and leave (hopefully no later than) about noon. I then will head to the airport at about 2:00 pm and arrive at my destination Thursday morning about 9:30 am. I'm not one who is usually able to sleep on planes but I'm hoping that I'll be able to shut my eyes for a little bit so I'm not doomed - I don't really want to be a zombie when my parents and one of my nephews pick me up from the airport. At some point before 2 pm Wednesday, I will need to finish picking up my apartment and packing my suitcase. I also need to figure out what I'll be wearing overnight to travel - I'm not one that wants to wear yoga/pajama pants to travel but I definitely want to be comfortable since I'll be traveling for so many hours (and be in 4 different airports - counting where I'm taking off/landing).
People have been asking me if I'm going to be doing anything special this week for my birthday. My response has been, um.... when do I have time for that?! My birthday is on Tuesday and I figure if I celebrate at all it'll be when I'm with my family later in the week. Honestly, I would like to take the day off of work and only do things that I want to do but with getting ready to travel and being open for full day programming at work (kids are out of school - I'm very lucky that I was able to get the time off for my sister's wedding that I did...). This year isn't necessarily one of those milestone birthdays for me (I'm 35 this year) but maybe one of these days I'll take the opportunity to celebrate me...
Well my dear readers, I should probably bring this to a close for this evening and get one thing crossed of my "to do" list before I head to bed. I hope you take opportunities for muchness for yourself this week and maybe bring muchness to someone else in your world. Thank you for joining me along my journey for another week! =)
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