Doctor's orders...

Well, I had to breakdown, go to the doctor (again....), I am on medication, and have been instructed that I am not supposed to go to work tomorrow.  I was given doctor's orders to take my medication, drink lots of fluids, and get as much rest as I possibly can.  I started not feeling well the middle of last week and I actually ended up taking a half day off of work.  Then yesterday I ended up having a day where I stayed in my pajamas on the couch all day and really only moved to fill up my cup with juice, let the dogs out or head to the bathroom.  Yesterday and today I woke up with a severe coughing fit where I was hacking up all sorts of colorful junk and left me short of breath.  Since it happened two days in a row, I decided to head to the doctor.  I am one who completely and utterly hates going to the doctor so it's very surprising that I have ended up there twice in just over a month; because of this, I am going to listen to the doctor and take tomorrow off of work.

So I didn't go against doctor's orders, as soon as I left the clinic, I sent a message to my boss to say that I was supposed to take the day off tomorrow per the doctor.  I then sent a message to one of my coworkers to let him know that I wouldn't be at work tomorrow.  Both my boss and my coworker were supportive and told me that they were glad that I was listening to the doctor.  It was definitely nice to get their responses and realize that I actually can take time off of work to focus on me when needed.  It feels good to know that I'm actually going to go through with taking the day off to feel better, too.

Earlier in the day, I had actually considered going against the doctor's orders, go into work tomorrow, and just suffer through the day.  I have things that need to get accomplished but those things aren't that pressing that I should push myself beyond what the doctor said.  I didn't end up bringing any work home with me this weekend so tomorrow really will be an opportunity to just rest/relax so I can feel better.  The last couple of nights I found a position to sleep in so I could breathe (for the most part) and I actually got 8+ hours of sleep each night - which is a rarity for me.  I'm hoping to be able to get some good sleep again tonight...

Something else out of the ordinary that I did this past week (other than going to the doctor); after weighing all of the pros/cons and taking time to really think about it, I drove my car to the dealership and traded it in for the newest model.  My car was a 2008 which I purchased in 2012 so it was getting to the point where I was going to have to put money into repairs.  After talking with the dealership, I opted to lease my 2015 since I was a little upside-down on the loan of the car I was trading in; I've never leased before but I really feel it's going to be the best option for me overall.  Because I've been sick, I haven't had a lot of opportunities to enjoy my "new baby" but I will have it for three years with the lease so I'll have plenty of chances.  =)

Well, my dear readers, I know that this post isn't very long this week but I think that I need to start following doctor's orders, take some more medication and head to bed.  I hope you all have a wonderful week and that you are able to take the opportunity to be you!  =)

Monkeys and Circuses continued

Hello again, my dear readers; how are you doing with your monkeys and your circus?  I have been able to let go of a couple of monkeys that aren't mine to take care of but I've still got some others that I'm hanging onto that I need to release.  I know that I need to learn to do a better job at not collecting monkeys from people because it seems easier at the time to do so and then regret that decision later.  Yes, I could always turn the monkey back to the respective owner but I then feel guilty after the fact and I have a tendency to just learn to deal with hanging onto them.  It's all a work in progress...

Another area that's been a work in progress is the circus that is my life.  I am still working on getting the generators up and running 100%, the popcorn popped, the cotton candy spun and make sure everyone is where they're supposed to be.  Maybe part of the problem is my circus is too large - acts stretched between too many tents, the acrobats have to be lion tamers too, the clowns also walk the tightrope, and the animals all have to learn how to juggle.  I need to learn how to downsize the circus and allow the performers to do the stunts they are comfortable with -- this will make my job as ringmaster immensely easier.

The ringmaster of a circus doesn't have to be personally involved in every act or take the place of their performers.  I feel as if I have had to be ready at any given moment to jump into the performance and announce and keep everyone happy and ready to go on at any time.  It's exhausting...  I guess I just need to get better at managing the circus instead of micromanaging as I unfortunately have a tendency to gravitate towards.

Actually a situation arose at work this week where I chose not to micromanage and one of the staff members came to me and asked me while I was ignoring the situation.  My response was that I was waiting to see how the situation progressed since everyone involved knew their rolls/responsibilities. That didn't seem to sit well with the person who approached me but I actually felt relieved to not have to be involved.  Did the people involved complete the task how I would?  No; but the task got accomplished and that's what was most important.  Or at least that should've been what was most important.

This upcoming week at work is (thankfully) going to be a short week - we get tomorrow off of work. Knowing that I have to squeeze five days of work into four usually stresses me out but I'm going to not let it get to me this week.  I know what things have to get done and I will work on creating a list of things that can wait until the following week if I don't get to them; and then call it good.  I know that this may be a struggle for me but it's definitely something that I need to get a handle on.

Well, my dear readers, it is probably that time again that I need to bring this to a close for this evening.  I hope that you have a wonderful week where you are able to take charge of the circus in your own life and only take care of monkeys that belong to you.  =)

"nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy"

If you can't read this week's post title, don't worry; I can't either because it's in Polish.  You might be asking, "How does it translate?"  Simply, "nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy" translates, "not my circus, not my monkeys" - basically, "not my problem."  To some, that may seem harsh but for my own sanity (or for what little sanity I have left) I need to make this my mantra.  I need to focus on my own monkeys and stop collecting the monkeys of other people and take care of theirs while ignoring my own.  Because I've been collecting a troop of monkeys, I've unfortunately neglected the circus that is my life and that has allowed the lights to go out and the popcorn to go stale...

I have been back at work for a week and I have already found myself slipping into some old, bad habits.  Rather than delegating tasks, I've been taking them on myself and the feelings of being on vacation have mostly faded away already.  I wrote last week about creating a schedule for myself at work so I don't have it take over my entire life.  I haven't taken the opportunity to create a schedule however rather than trying to overdue it daily by working almost 12 hour days, I did cut back to 10 hours a day so that's a start...

One of the things I am going to do this week is to start prioritizing my monkeys and get my life circus operational again.  Because I have already found myself slipping into old habits, I have in turn found myself stressing after being back at work for only five days.  I knew that things were going to be hectic coming back after my extended vacation but I didn't have to allow myself to obsess over work (even at home) and take things to such a personal level.  I really need to learn how to leave work in my office at the end of the day and know that it will still be there the next day rather than over analyzing everything while I'm at home.

The last two nights I have found myself going to bed late (between 12:30 and 1 am), sleeping for about 30 minutes and then being wide awake for 1.5 - 2 hours.  I have a feeling some of this is due from not totally switching off after work.  I found myself reading in the middle of the night but I know that I will have to reread some of what I read because my mind kept wandering.  Maybe I need to pick up a hobby that I can do in the middle of the night where my mind can think through things but I can have my hands on autopilot (like knitting or crochet or something).  Granted it might be better for my sleep if I clubbed myself before going to bed but that would probably present other issues long term...  I am hoping that if I get to the point where I can embrace "nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy" ("not my circus, not my monkeys") that I will be able to sleep through the night.

One way that I did impress myself this past week is every day I wore outfits to work where I was able to embrace my muchness.  I actually had several coworkers and quite a few parents comment on my "new" look.  When I commented that I used to dress like that all the time, some of them said that they did remember that but others didn't.  I was glad to hear that some of them remembered that I used to dress that way daily and it did sadden me that some people didn't either know about it or they didn't remember.  I will just have to do my best in my upcoming work week.

Speaking of upcoming work week, I should probably think about bringing this to a close for the evening and prepare myself for the week ahead.  I know that I have at least one long work day - I will be instructing a First Aid/CPR class on Tuesday - and then dance class starts back up this week in preparation for a big show we just found out about today.  I will let you know next week if I've been able to get the lights back on and fresh popcorn popped for my circus and get the monkey situation under control.  I wish you the best of luck wrangling your own monkeys this week my dear readers!  =)

I'm not ready...

I am definitely not ready to have to go back to the "real world" tomorrow...  I am headed back to work after three weeks off (two weeks on vacation and the third week the building was closed for the holidays) and while I know it all has to end at some point, I don't feel ready.  One of the things that concerned me about my vacation is my parents told me that it took a couple of days for me to relax and for them to see "me."  I knew that I've been stressed but I hadn't realized it had gotten so bad; I see now just how bad I had allowed things to become.

While I was on vacation, I had the opportunity to spend lots of time with my parents and one of my two-year-old nephews (who my parents watch while my brother and sister-in-law are at work); I wish I would have had the opportunity to spend more time with my seven-year-old nephew, my other two-year-old nephew, my sister, my brother and sister-in-law, and my other brother but I understand that life does have to go on even if I'm there visiting.  What was nice is having the freedom to do what I wanted during my time off; sure, I woke up early to help with the little monster when he was dropped off but it was nice to not feel like I was being pulled in a thousand different directions at every turn.  There were some things that I did that were scheduled but I didn't necessarily feel as if I had to do those things and it was nice to have the option to sit and read or take a nap when I wanted.

I have also realized that one of the reasons for how I've been feeling the last number of days is the fact I am homesick.  I absolutely love any amount of time that I get to spend with my family and it's hard to be the one that lives so far away.  I haven't understood until recently how difficult it must have been for my parents - they are the ones who both moved away from their families and had to make it on their own; only getting to see family once, maybe twice a year if they were lucky.  I know that my parent's choices influenced my own (my dad was in the military when we were little and the wasband was in the military) but I guess I didn't realize just how difficult it would be at times.

From spending time with my nephews this trip, I see just how much I've missed out on since my last visit.  Both of the two-year-olds (one is my sister's son and the other is my brother's son - amazingly the boys were born two days apart) have grown/changed so much since I was there this past May and the seven-year-old is in school and definitely growing up.  Because I work with kids I see on a daily basis just how fast kids grow up and I think that makes me miss my nephews all the more.  Maybe one of these days I'll get to spend more time with them and/or have the opportunity to live closer to where they are; unfortunately today is not that day.

I know that I should be thankful to have a job, and when it comes down to it I am, but there are definitely times where I struggle with my job.  One of the things I'm going to do in this upcoming year (notice I didn't write "plan on" or "hope to"....  I'm going to) is I'm going to make work my job and not have it be my entire life.  In an effort to make this a reality, my plan is to meet with my boss to create a schedule for myself rather than having my shift be the hours the building is open and then some.  By creating a schedule for myself for work, I know that I can then plan other aspects of my life accordingly.

In an effort to prepare myself for not only my first day back at work but the week ahead, I'm going to bring this to a close for the evening.  I was able to accomplish my goals for today and then some:  my original goals were to complete unpacking from my trip (since I still hadn't), go grocery shopping and to vacuum the living room; in addition to those things I also, cleaned out my pantry cupboards (threw out quite a bit of expired food), did a little bit of laundry and I even did the dishes.  YAY ME!  Well, my dear readers, I think I have earned some time of just sitting on the couch and vegging before (hopefully) heading to bed at a decent time so I can get up bright and early for work.  I hope 2015 brings opportunities for each of us (you, my dear readers, and me) to express our individuality and not feel the need to explain ourselves to others.  =)