I was faced with a draining week that left me exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. After such a crazy week, I decided to treat myself to a movie after work on Friday. I went to opening night of the movie but I guess too many people hadn't heard about it since the theatre didn't have too many of the seats filled. Looking back, my movie choice might not have been the best after such a draining week but I thought the movie was fabulous (I went and saw Wish I Was Here and if you don't know the premise, the movie is about a man who's questioning his life when he finds out his father is dying). Parts of the movie were difficult to digest but I think they gave me some things to think about.
One of the thoughts presented in the movie was the main character and his brother imagined themselves as super heroes growing up but now maybe they weren't the heroes but ones that needed saving. That put some things into an interesting perspective for me -- I have often felt the need to "save" others and while I don't want to necessarily be a damsel in distress, it would be nice to be saved every so often. It might be less exhausting that way at least...
I'm not sure if it's because I had such a rough week or what but I have been feeling like in different aspects of my life I'm taking one step forward, four back, three in a circle, down a winding path, in the dark and the batteries in my flashlight are dead. I have heard the saying that sometimes you must be lost in order to find yourself and maybe that's the path that I'm on since I definitely feel lost. I'm sure that's some of the stress talking but it is how I've been feeling. I feel as if I've been questioning so many different things that I don't have the answers for anything and that's not a feeling I like.
Because I have perfectionist tendencies, I still haven't made it a full work week leaving when I'm "supposed" to. I think I need to do a better job in adopting Yoda's philosophy of "do or do not there is no try" when it comes to leaving at the end of my day. In my head I know that they can survive without me (they've done it when I've been away on training or on vacation) but I have a tendency to say "oh, I'll just do one more thing and then I'll leave..." and that turns into another thing and another and another... I know that I need to get to the point where I just leave and know that the work will be there for me to accomplish the next day. Since I often try to cram as much work as I can into each day, there are times I have to redo the work the next day because I completed it while tired; not a good combination.
Well, I know this is a shorter post tonight but I should probably bring this to a close so I can get some sleep tonight. This upcoming week is the last week of summer programming for my building and while it's been fun, I am SO ready for it to be over... I am going to leave this week on time (see how I didn't write try to leave on time?!) and we'll see how all of that goes. I hope each and everyone of you have a wonderful week ahead and I hope to see you back here next week! =)
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Progress
I need to start this week's post with a confession (I haven't done that in some time)... While I didn't end up working 8-hour days this past week, I did manage to only work three 12-hour days and two 10-hour days. On Wednesday and Thursday I walked out of the building after putting in a 10-hour shift and I have to admit that it felt pretty good doing it. I didn't necessarily do anything exciting with my extra time - one day I went shopping (just for little odds and ends) and the other day I went for a 40 minute walk around a big lake that's near the ocean. Even though I didn't do things that most people would see as very exciting, I felt those two days to be extremely liberating. I will just have to make sure to do it again...
On the two days that I left work "early," I was tempted to bring work home with me. I am very glad that I talked myself out of it because that would have been counterproductive to leaving work before putting in a 12-hour day. It's not that I had things that were pressing to bring home I just felt slightly guilty leaving work before working the hours I've been doing all summer thus far. In my rational thoughts, I know that I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about since I've been working 60-hour work weeks up until this past one where I only worked 56. I'm shooting for another week where I attempt to work 8-hour days but I'll take 10-hour ones as well. We'll see how well that goes for me...
I know that I definitely need to work on not feeling guilty about things such as only working a 10-hour work day (especially when everyone else in the building only is required to work 8-hour days). I don't quite know how to go about not feeling guilty but it is something for me to work on. This past week at work, I started to read a book on the importance of not shouldering the tasks of others but to empower them to complete the tasks for themselves. This is not a foreign concept to me but following through with it is foreign. The people-pleaser in me needs to get beyond wanting to "fix it" for everyone so I don't continue to allow my entire candle to melt (please refer to last week's post if you're confused).
Something else that I was able to make progress with is I ate breakfast every day before work this past week. I had three days of different types of scrambled eggs (made in the microwave in a coffee cup) and two days of different types of granola. They weren't necessarily overly exciting meals but I did find that I had more energy so I feel as if the effort was worth it. I have found some yummy looking smoothie recipes that I'm hoping to try this upcoming work week just to try some things that are different (since I tend to get bored eating the same types of things over and over - ironic since I had yogurt and pretzels almost every day for lunch all four years in high school).
I've been working again with portion control and not necessarily denying myself things I want but limiting the quantity I allow myself. I've been counting food into bags so I can take the baggies to work (one at a time) rather than having the entire box sitting on my desk. I have tried just not buying it in the past but I find that I fall off the proverbial diet wagon faster when I do so have learned that course of action isn't the best for me. Just like everything else, I guess it's just a work in progress.
Another area in which I'm going to attempt to make some progress is I'm looking for a new potential piece of music to use with my sword. I love the piece that I've been dancing to but I'm looking for another piece to add to my repertoire. I haven't found anything yet but I know the "vibe" I'm looking for it to have so that's a step in the right direction. I'm hoping to find a piece that has a "warrior" feel to it (Mom is working to design a new costume for me which I know makes me a very lucky gal!!!) and I know it's out there somewhere just waiting for me to stumble across it.
I'm also working on helping out my sleep patterns some since I don't always get the best of sleep. On that note, I should probably bring this to a close and get my things together for my work day tomorrow. Wish me luck in leaving the building at least early (for me) tomorrow and I'll let you know how that all works out for me. I hope that you have a fabulous week ahead of you and that you can do at least one thing each day that's just for you! =)
On the two days that I left work "early," I was tempted to bring work home with me. I am very glad that I talked myself out of it because that would have been counterproductive to leaving work before putting in a 12-hour day. It's not that I had things that were pressing to bring home I just felt slightly guilty leaving work before working the hours I've been doing all summer thus far. In my rational thoughts, I know that I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about since I've been working 60-hour work weeks up until this past one where I only worked 56. I'm shooting for another week where I attempt to work 8-hour days but I'll take 10-hour ones as well. We'll see how well that goes for me...
I know that I definitely need to work on not feeling guilty about things such as only working a 10-hour work day (especially when everyone else in the building only is required to work 8-hour days). I don't quite know how to go about not feeling guilty but it is something for me to work on. This past week at work, I started to read a book on the importance of not shouldering the tasks of others but to empower them to complete the tasks for themselves. This is not a foreign concept to me but following through with it is foreign. The people-pleaser in me needs to get beyond wanting to "fix it" for everyone so I don't continue to allow my entire candle to melt (please refer to last week's post if you're confused).
Something else that I was able to make progress with is I ate breakfast every day before work this past week. I had three days of different types of scrambled eggs (made in the microwave in a coffee cup) and two days of different types of granola. They weren't necessarily overly exciting meals but I did find that I had more energy so I feel as if the effort was worth it. I have found some yummy looking smoothie recipes that I'm hoping to try this upcoming work week just to try some things that are different (since I tend to get bored eating the same types of things over and over - ironic since I had yogurt and pretzels almost every day for lunch all four years in high school).
I've been working again with portion control and not necessarily denying myself things I want but limiting the quantity I allow myself. I've been counting food into bags so I can take the baggies to work (one at a time) rather than having the entire box sitting on my desk. I have tried just not buying it in the past but I find that I fall off the proverbial diet wagon faster when I do so have learned that course of action isn't the best for me. Just like everything else, I guess it's just a work in progress.
Another area in which I'm going to attempt to make some progress is I'm looking for a new potential piece of music to use with my sword. I love the piece that I've been dancing to but I'm looking for another piece to add to my repertoire. I haven't found anything yet but I know the "vibe" I'm looking for it to have so that's a step in the right direction. I'm hoping to find a piece that has a "warrior" feel to it (Mom is working to design a new costume for me which I know makes me a very lucky gal!!!) and I know it's out there somewhere just waiting for me to stumble across it.
I'm also working on helping out my sleep patterns some since I don't always get the best of sleep. On that note, I should probably bring this to a close and get my things together for my work day tomorrow. Wish me luck in leaving the building at least early (for me) tomorrow and I'll let you know how that all works out for me. I hope that you have a fabulous week ahead of you and that you can do at least one thing each day that's just for you! =)
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Melted candle
Well, my dear readers, I need to start this week with a confession... Remember how I wrote last week about taking the opportunity to work 8 hour days this past week vs. 12 hour days? Yeah, that didn't happen. I ended up working three 8 hour days, one 13 hour day and one day that was just over 14 hours (this was the day of the staff meeting and I was actually able to leave for a grand total of 20 minutes to run to the apartment, let the dogs out, and then get back to work). Needless to say, I'm exhausted. Someone told me this week (one of the parents of a child in the program) that I am burning the candle at both ends and I think I had a pretty good response - I told her that I felt as if my whole candle was melting and not just from it having wicks at both ends. That's not something I feel particularly proud of but it's honestly how I'm feeling. This coming week I don't think I have any other option - I need to not put in yet another 60 hour work week. I just can't. I definitely need a new candle...
It's not that I have anything exciting to accomplish with the potential copious amounts of spare time but I have some things that I need to take care of. I have laundry/dishes piling up and things around the apartment need to be straightened up. But on the other hand, do I need to have things planned in order to work a "normal" workday? I had it pointed out to me that I shouldn't feel as if I have to dedicate my entire life to work just because I'm the only one that doesn't have a "family." I have let people for quite some time make me feel as if I'm the one who has to take on the extras because I don't have a family to come home to. Mom jokingly suggested when I was taking to her today that maybe I need to invent a family to come home to so I don't always have to put in the extra time at work... The possibility of that is an intriguing one.
One of the things that I've decided is because I'm working too much, my stress levels are astronomical, therefore I'm not eating/sleeping the way I should, and my weight is not at a place that I want it to be. I know that I need to get back to a place where I can find the time to workout, plan better/healthier meals, and get to a place where I'm more okay with what I see when I look in the mirror. Yes, I've talked before about being my own worst critic when it comes to my reflection but I don't feel as if right now I'm taking it too far. I need to do something to get myself under control/healthy and I think I need to cut back on the stress in order to start and make that happen.
I did dig out the easy-to-use cookbooks that I was using but allowed to get buried under random things. I know that just digging them out isn't the only answer - I actually need to use them as well. I started looking at some of the recipes that I had bookmarked and I think I'm going to need to make a conscious effort to make some of the meals in the upcoming week. I have never really enjoyed cooking and don't feel as if I am a very good cook. Even though that's the case, I need to start making food for myself and stop just taking the easy way out in terms of food. Luckily the recipes in the books are very simple so keep your fingers crossed for me in the upcoming weeks, please!
I've come to the realization that once again I'm attempting to be too many versions of me to too many different people and I'm losing bits and pieces of myself along the way. Yes, I'm wearing my fun earrings/shoes to work but I felt this past week as if they just weren't enough. That's probably the stress talking but I know that I need to find ways to get back to being me. I don't exactly know what that's going to take but my heart/head tell me that I need to find a way to make it happen. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!
Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to take the time to look for some recipes that jump out at me for the upcoming week I should probably bring this to a close. Wish me luck in the week ahead that I'll be able to have one or more days at work that are 8 hour ones vs. 12 hour ones and I will let you know next week how that goes. I hope that each and every one of you have a fabulous week and that you can show who you truly are! It is also my hope that if you do find yourself burning your candle at both ends that you have a candle left by the end of the week and not just end up with a pile of wax. =)
It's not that I have anything exciting to accomplish with the potential copious amounts of spare time but I have some things that I need to take care of. I have laundry/dishes piling up and things around the apartment need to be straightened up. But on the other hand, do I need to have things planned in order to work a "normal" workday? I had it pointed out to me that I shouldn't feel as if I have to dedicate my entire life to work just because I'm the only one that doesn't have a "family." I have let people for quite some time make me feel as if I'm the one who has to take on the extras because I don't have a family to come home to. Mom jokingly suggested when I was taking to her today that maybe I need to invent a family to come home to so I don't always have to put in the extra time at work... The possibility of that is an intriguing one.
One of the things that I've decided is because I'm working too much, my stress levels are astronomical, therefore I'm not eating/sleeping the way I should, and my weight is not at a place that I want it to be. I know that I need to get back to a place where I can find the time to workout, plan better/healthier meals, and get to a place where I'm more okay with what I see when I look in the mirror. Yes, I've talked before about being my own worst critic when it comes to my reflection but I don't feel as if right now I'm taking it too far. I need to do something to get myself under control/healthy and I think I need to cut back on the stress in order to start and make that happen.
I did dig out the easy-to-use cookbooks that I was using but allowed to get buried under random things. I know that just digging them out isn't the only answer - I actually need to use them as well. I started looking at some of the recipes that I had bookmarked and I think I'm going to need to make a conscious effort to make some of the meals in the upcoming week. I have never really enjoyed cooking and don't feel as if I am a very good cook. Even though that's the case, I need to start making food for myself and stop just taking the easy way out in terms of food. Luckily the recipes in the books are very simple so keep your fingers crossed for me in the upcoming weeks, please!
I've come to the realization that once again I'm attempting to be too many versions of me to too many different people and I'm losing bits and pieces of myself along the way. Yes, I'm wearing my fun earrings/shoes to work but I felt this past week as if they just weren't enough. That's probably the stress talking but I know that I need to find ways to get back to being me. I don't exactly know what that's going to take but my heart/head tell me that I need to find a way to make it happen. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!
Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to take the time to look for some recipes that jump out at me for the upcoming week I should probably bring this to a close. Wish me luck in the week ahead that I'll be able to have one or more days at work that are 8 hour ones vs. 12 hour ones and I will let you know next week how that goes. I hope that each and every one of you have a fabulous week and that you can show who you truly are! It is also my hope that if you do find yourself burning your candle at both ends that you have a candle left by the end of the week and not just end up with a pile of wax. =)
Sunday, July 6, 2014
What if...
These two little words don't have a lot of strength when they're alone but when placed side by side, they make a powerful statement. On a regular basis, people (me included) use the question of "what if" in a negative fashion - what if I made more money?; what if I lived in a better place?; what if I could change my appearance?; what if... what if... what if.... I've been giving things some thought and I've been wondering what would happen to people's attitudes/thoughts if they changed "what if" to a more positive question.
What if I take some time off for myself? What if I decide to buy something frivolous for me just because? What if I take a road trip? What if I would stop doing the things I feel as if I "have" to do? What if I would decide to only work an 8 hour day instead of a 12 hour one? What if I were to let my freak flag fly regardless of who's around? What if I were to speak up for myself in situations where I usually bite my tongue?
Yesterday I decided to take a road trip (and I didn't talk myself out of it even though the thought crossed my mind). I have wanted for awhile now to go to one of the zoos in the state and I have always found reasons not to go. Yesterday I opted to push all of those reasons aside, jumped in my car, drove just over two hours from where I live and I spent the day at the zoo. I would've preferred it to be a more sunny day but I think the zoo would've been more crowded if the sun had been shinning. I had fun at the zoo and got some really neat photos! On the drive back, the sun decided to come out and the temperature climbed, so I dropped the convertible top, turned the music up and sang along at the top of my lungs. I got a little bit of a sunburn but I think it was definitely worth it for the fun I had!
On Friday, the dance troupe I belong to danced in the 4th of July parade. I let some of the other members ride on the float and I walked/dance the entire parade. My knee wasn't too happy with me by the end of it but I still had fun. After the parade, a friend of mine asked if I would join her for lunch and that's what I did (after I scraped all of the make-up and glitter off first). =) Once I got back from the lunch, I crashed on the couch for a bit and took a much needed nap (maybe it was in preparation for my zoo trip I didn't know I would be taking).
After this weekend, I have made a decision - it's one that's been in the making for some time, I just haven't committed to it before now. I have decided to take the next couple weeks off from singing in the church choir and that will leave me with two days in the week where I feel as if there are things I have to do (one night a week after work is rehearsal and then one day of the weekend to sing). I feel pretty good about my decision (even though there are some who have tried to talk me out of it - especially the choir director) and I feel as if it's something that I need to do for me. If nothing else, I feel as if I need to do it for my sanity.
The next thing I would like to work on for myself is to make a conscious effort to cut back some at work, delegate tasks and then be okay with how those individuals complete said assigned tasks (and not feel the compulsive need to go back and re-do the work just because they didn't complete it the same way that I would). There has been talk about me not being there for the full 12 hours but I haven't cut back yet. This past week left me questioning my effectiveness in being in a leadership role and looking back on the things that happened I'm wondering if those feelings are partially coming from feeling as if I'm burning out. I'm going to toy with the idea as I go into work this week and see if there are any days as if I feel as if I can leave early or just leave for some time during the day. I know there will be at least one day that I have to leave to come home and let my dogs out since we have a mandatory staff meeting one day after work.
Well, my dear readers, I have definitely given myself some things to think about this week and I hope that I will be able to focus on my more positive what ifs. I should probably bring this to a close so I can put some laundry away or something to get ready for the week ahead. I hope you all have a fabulous week ahead and that you'll find at least one thing you can do for yourself this week - I know that something I'm going to work on. See you next week! =)
What if I take some time off for myself? What if I decide to buy something frivolous for me just because? What if I take a road trip? What if I would stop doing the things I feel as if I "have" to do? What if I would decide to only work an 8 hour day instead of a 12 hour one? What if I were to let my freak flag fly regardless of who's around? What if I were to speak up for myself in situations where I usually bite my tongue?
Yesterday I decided to take a road trip (and I didn't talk myself out of it even though the thought crossed my mind). I have wanted for awhile now to go to one of the zoos in the state and I have always found reasons not to go. Yesterday I opted to push all of those reasons aside, jumped in my car, drove just over two hours from where I live and I spent the day at the zoo. I would've preferred it to be a more sunny day but I think the zoo would've been more crowded if the sun had been shinning. I had fun at the zoo and got some really neat photos! On the drive back, the sun decided to come out and the temperature climbed, so I dropped the convertible top, turned the music up and sang along at the top of my lungs. I got a little bit of a sunburn but I think it was definitely worth it for the fun I had!
On Friday, the dance troupe I belong to danced in the 4th of July parade. I let some of the other members ride on the float and I walked/dance the entire parade. My knee wasn't too happy with me by the end of it but I still had fun. After the parade, a friend of mine asked if I would join her for lunch and that's what I did (after I scraped all of the make-up and glitter off first). =) Once I got back from the lunch, I crashed on the couch for a bit and took a much needed nap (maybe it was in preparation for my zoo trip I didn't know I would be taking).
After this weekend, I have made a decision - it's one that's been in the making for some time, I just haven't committed to it before now. I have decided to take the next couple weeks off from singing in the church choir and that will leave me with two days in the week where I feel as if there are things I have to do (one night a week after work is rehearsal and then one day of the weekend to sing). I feel pretty good about my decision (even though there are some who have tried to talk me out of it - especially the choir director) and I feel as if it's something that I need to do for me. If nothing else, I feel as if I need to do it for my sanity.
The next thing I would like to work on for myself is to make a conscious effort to cut back some at work, delegate tasks and then be okay with how those individuals complete said assigned tasks (and not feel the compulsive need to go back and re-do the work just because they didn't complete it the same way that I would). There has been talk about me not being there for the full 12 hours but I haven't cut back yet. This past week left me questioning my effectiveness in being in a leadership role and looking back on the things that happened I'm wondering if those feelings are partially coming from feeling as if I'm burning out. I'm going to toy with the idea as I go into work this week and see if there are any days as if I feel as if I can leave early or just leave for some time during the day. I know there will be at least one day that I have to leave to come home and let my dogs out since we have a mandatory staff meeting one day after work.
Well, my dear readers, I have definitely given myself some things to think about this week and I hope that I will be able to focus on my more positive what ifs. I should probably bring this to a close so I can put some laundry away or something to get ready for the week ahead. I hope you all have a fabulous week ahead and that you'll find at least one thing you can do for yourself this week - I know that something I'm going to work on. See you next week! =)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
