Busy week

Does tomorrow really have to be Monday?  I don't know that I'm quite ready for it to be Monday yet. I know that next weekend I get to reset my clocks but I don't think 1 hour is really going to make that much more of a difference...  I have been trying to get up in the morning and workout before heading into work and that's been easier some mornings over others.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see if I can convince myself to get out of bed in order to workout in the AM or not.

Yesterday after I taught my dance class I stayed at the studio and helped a friend with some of her choreography for an upcoming show.  After we worked on her piece of music, I put on a piece of music I have been toying with for awhile now and I think I just might dance to a new piece of music at the show our studio will be putting on in a couple of weeks.  I have lots of ideas of how I want the piece to come across it will be a matter on if I get it to come together in the short time I have left or not.  It's a piece of music that I wouldn't typically dance to but I have a very unique twist that I want to portray through my dance.  I'll write more about it if I can get it to all come together in time for the show.  =)

I have decided that I must really be getting old because the commercials that have been playing and store displays have really been bothering me lately...  I find it disturbing that it isn't even Halloween yet and there are already Christmas things in stores and on TV.  Christmas is still two months away and yet we already need to start decorating?  I have a problem with that.  In our family it was always a tradition to decorate for Christmas two weeks before so we weren't sick of the decorations by the time the holiday rolled around.  To each their own I guess...

At work this coming week we get to dress up for Halloween.  Someone at the building decided we would all dress like Disney characters.  At first I was going to be Jasmine since I have a belly dance costume that is turquoise and gold.  After listening to what all of the other ladies are dressing up as (princesses), I realized that no one was going to be a villain.  That wasn't okay in my opinion.  I am now going to dress like one of my most favorite villains of all time - Ursula from the Little Mermaid. I even found her eel minions today and I bought them to carry around -- I was very excited by that find/purchase!  My hair is already short and spiky so I bought some silver spray for my hair to make it look more like hers.  I am really looking forward to my villain transformation!  =)  One of my coworkers is going to dress up like Ariel so this should be lots of fun!

Well, my dear readers, I know I haven't really written about anything really deep tonight but it is time for me to sign off...  As you can see, I have a busy week ahead with working on my new dance choreography as well as putting all of my Ursula costume together.  I hope you have a great week and that you have the opportunity to have some fun!  =)  Hopefully next week I'll have a better idea on how my choreography is coming and I'll fill you in.

Duality

As I've been sitting here thinking about what to write about this week, the same word keeps coming to my head.  That word is "duality" so I think that's what I'm supposed to write about this week...  I know that I over the last several weeks/months I have been giving information about my day-to-day happenings or things that I wish could change but I don't feel as if I've written about anything really introspective for awhile.  Today is going to change that I think.  If you were looking for a fun/playful post, maybe you should stop reading now because I don't think that's the post I'll be writing tonight...

I know I've written before about feeling as if there have to be two different sides to me -- the "work me" and the "me" that I really am.  That has become increasingly more evident at work lately.  With my current position at work (management even if right now it's just temporarily) I have had to cultivate portions of my personality that don't come naturally to me.  There are times that I almost feel as if I'm a pretend version of me in order to keep people (both those that work for me currently and those who are above me management-wise) happy.  I know that I can get very focused on the tasks in front of me and I don't like to be bothered when I am in "the zone."  Because of being in this position, I have to drop whatever I'm doing whenever someone needs something (even if it's something that I think could wait).  If I get frustrated, I'm not allowed to show that frustration and I have to push those feelings aside in order to focus on their needs.  I also feel as if I have to keep a smile plastered on my face no matter what.

I'm not naturally a bubbly/giggly person so I find it difficult at times to keep a smile on my face at all times.  That may seem odd coming from an admitted people pleaser such as myself but it's just not in my personality to be that bubbly all the time.  I actually find it exhausting to be that person all the time.  As of tomorrow I am going to a more "normal" schedule and will only be working 8 hour days and I think that will definitely help (I've been working 12 hour days for lots of weeks now...) but I know that it won't fix everything.  Maybe instead of fighting this duality in personality that I'm feeling right now, I need to embrace the "work me" and just know that that's who I need to be at work but that doesn't mean that's who I have to be all of the time...  I feel this pull of duality in being a people pleaser all the time.

I have set certain physical and weight loss goals and some of those goals I feel as if I have had to set in order to please others.  I see it as failure when I physically can't keep up with those goals in the time frame I originally gave myself.  I know that I have to look at is a lifestyle change and not a "quick fix" but I do get frustrated at times when I'm not necessarily seeing the results that I want to see.  Yes, I wrote last week that the sizes on clothes are just a number (or that's how they need to be looked at) and I guess I have struggled with that epiphany a little as the week went on.  I need to get back to the thoughts about body image I had last week...

I guess another aspect of this duality is this battle I seem to have with myself.  There are times I think I'm a people pleaser who really doesn't like to be a people pleaser and there are times I wonder if I'm any good at it or not.  That's something for me to ponder this upcoming week I think.

On that note, I have more that I could write about but I think that I'm going to head to bed and get ready for the week ahead.  I hope that we all have opportunities to work on our muchness this week!

Something for me

I had the best time this evening and I can't wait to share it with you, my dear readers...  I had a dear friend and her husband offer to take me out to dinner to celebrate both my birthday last week as well as me paying off the last of my divorce debt.  They let me pick the restaurant (they had suggested two places because they wanted me to have a memorable/special experience) and they made reservations for us to sit by the window so we could see the ocean.  We started out with drinks (we WERE celebrating after all) and I ordered one called the Creamsicle and that's exactly what it tasted like!  They brought us a plate of complementary calamari (which I couldn't eat due to food allergies but she said it tasted delicious) while we perused the menus.  Because it was a seafood restaurant there was quite a bit on the menu that I had to cross off my list automatically but the item that caught my attention right away was the gnocchi.  I took the advice of the waitress and had did half and half on the sauce -- half marinara and half Gorgonzola cream sauce.  I know that I consumed too many calories (and I had some sort of pineapple deliciousness for dessert) but I honestly didn't care.  I had a great time with them and there was great conversation so I was okay with the calorie consumption.  It was fun to do something for me.

Yesterday I started to do something that I never thought I was going to do -- I started to do yoga.  I did the full (major) workout yesterday and then could barely move to get out of bed this morning so I thought it would be good to do the yoga stretch workout at least so I could function.  I've been doing a different workout routine but found that I had been building solid muscle rather than lean muscles.  I did a belly dance workshop when I was home this summer where we did a yoga warm up and cool down and I remember the muscle groups that were sore so figured it might be a place to start.  So I bought a yoga DVD and a yoga mat and have decided to give it a try.  We'll see if I can keep it up or not and if I get the result that I'm hoping for...

Other than the yoga, I did something else yesterday that I'm pretty proud of myself for.  I decided to go to a store to look at some clothes and didn't have anything in particular in mind that I was looking for.  I ended up finding a jacket that I really liked but when I tried it on, the size I thought I needed pinched at the arms and didn't fully zip over my chest.  There are many times that if I have to go up a size, I don't buy the item of clothing because I focus on that size number.  Yesterday, I liked the jacket, I liked how it looked, I liked how it made me feel so I bought the jacket and didn't mind the size.  I'm hoping to remember that the next time I go clothes shopping.

Today, other than my morning yoga stretch and then having too many calories for dinner, I had a pretty productive day!  After my yoga stretch, I did about a 30 minute ab workout (ouch) and then got busy.  I took the trash out, did a sink full of dishes, did some laundry, put a bunch of clothes away and then I took a cat nap on the couch.  While I was putting clothes away, I was multitasking by talking to my parents on the phone at the same time.  =)  I feel pretty accomplished after all of that.  Tomorrow I get to have the day off of work so I'm hoping to take some "me" time after what I got done today.

Over the last several weeks, I have been working so many hours that I haven't had the opportunity for too much "me" time.  This is something that I know I need to make more of a priority.  I know that I've said that before but I'm going to work on it again.  I'm not sure yet exactly how I'm going to do that or what that's going to look like but it's something I'm going to give some thought to.

On that note, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close.  I hope you all have a fabulous week and that you can do at least one thing for YOU this week.  I look forward to see what I'm going to do for myself...

Mad Hatter day

I'm starting tonight with a disclaimer (I know...  I haven't started with one of these in awhile):  I have no idea what came over me today but I decided that today was the day I needed to strip all of the old caulk from around my bathtub and replace it with new.  Both of my hands are full of blisters, I have a couple of knuckles with chunks out of them and I sliced one of my fingers with a putty knife (which I had to use to remove caulk that did NOT want to be removed).  I'm having some trouble typing because of this...

I've been trying to also regain some sort of rational thought after my work week this past week...  I was sent to a week-long training (total of 40 hours) and while it was interesting, it robbed me of being able to have coherent thoughts by the end of the week.  I suppose it also didn't help that I was going into work before the class each day, after class each day and still was going to dance class and working out at home.  Friday was the longest day of the work week because we were open until 11 and I worked a full day and then some (it ended up being about a 17 hour day and I was able to run home for about a half hour to let my dogs out and to change clothes before going back to work).  Granted, I was able to get quite a bit accomplished (schedules for about 3 weeks are done and did some online training) but finally had to stop when things didn't make sense anymore.  I'm planning on checking oven my schedules tomorrow just to make sure they make sense and I didn't try to schedule one person in like 3 areas at one time or anything silly just because I was exhausted.  Fingers crossed they make sense!

It's also been an interesting day in the sense that today is my birthday and I think it's ironic that today is also Mad Hatter Day (the numbers on his hat are 10/6).  I've always been sort of drawn to the Mad Hatter so I guess that's pretty perfect in a way.  As you've read about before, I love the Mad Hatter's concept of muchness and I just am touched by how much he cares not only for Alice but for the others in Wonderland.  Yes, the Hatter is kind of crazy (aren't we all?) but he does have a genuine concern for getting Alice where she needs to be (whether it be to the White Queen or back to the "real" world).  I think I would learn a lot about life if I could be a member of one of the Mad Hatter's tea parties...  Maybe one of these days I will have my own version of the Mad Hatter's tea party and I will find my muchness...

Today I took myself out to lunch and for my birthday I didn't care about what the number of calories were in what I ordered.  Did I have too many calories for lunch?  I probably did but I ordered exactly what I wanted and that's what's most important.  (It was exactly as yummy as I wanted it to be!!)  My lunch could've had even more calories in it - I got a free dessert for my birthday and while part of me wanted the cheesecake, I opted to get a mousse instead (even though the waitress tried to convince me to order a different dessert because I ordered the cheapest one on the menu -- but I got the one I wanted).

On the way back from my solo lunch (it was a couple of towns over), I decided to drop the top on my car, turn up the music and sing at the top of my lungs as I cruised down the highway.  That's something I haven't done in I don't know how long.  Sure, I've dropped the top of my car as I've gone down the highway but I don't tend to sing at the top of my lungs.  I don't know if it's because I'm afraid other people are going to hear me or why I stop myself but today I just didn't care.  I had my phone plugged into the speaker system, had my music on shuffle and the songs it was picking spoke to my muchness levels and I just had to SING!  I definitely found a way to unfurl my freak flag and let it fly today!

Well my dears, I think I need to bring this to a close for this evening.  I have just a little bit longer to this birthday and I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything else or just relax before the work week ahead of me...  I will leave you with one final thought (I've shared it before but I think it's appropriate...), why is a raven like a writing desk?  Maybe one day we'll have the answer....