In an attempt to have an adventure yesterday, I find myself in a little bit of pain today... Let me explain... Yesterday's weather was gorgeous so after teaching my dance class, I decided to drop the convertible top and go for a drive. All was well and good until I found myself like an hour away; as I headed for home, we got stopped in traffic for about 20 minutes (complete standstill on the highway) before I thought it would be a good idea to put the top up. All of that sun (and it was some of the first sun on my upper arms this season), while it felt good, caused me to get a sunburn. The sun must have been more on one side than the other since I have one arm where the sunburn is worse. Oh, well... I will just have to deal with it and keep putting aloe on it.
This past week, my Mom sent me a new definition of the term FREAK (and it came at a time that I really needed it) -- 'a person who is envied because they are a fabulously unique individual that can kick ass and has no need or desire to follow the flock.' I am ready to show that I am a fabulously unique individual. How am I going to do this you may ask? I am going to be myself. I am a freak and I am proud to be a freak!
Some people may feel as if being a self-proclaimed freak is a bad thing (I know that when I was in high school it was an insult to be called a freak and I was called a freak often) but I have found it to be liberating. I am finding that I apologize less for things that I shouldn't have necessarily apologized for in the first place. It's taken me a long time to realize that I apologize for way too much on a regular basis - and it's for things that I shouldn't even be apologizing for. Saying 'I'm sorry' has become an automatic response and I'm working on correcting that. If your automatic response is 'sorry,' I have found the word becomes less effective when it's actually necessary to say those words. That's one of the reasons we don't have the kids say 'I'm sorry' to one another at work because those words don't mean anything to them - they're just words.
But back to being a freak. If you find yourself in a place in your life that may not be ideal for you, find a way to be a freak. And not just any freak, be your own freak. That's the joy of being a self-proclaimed freak! Each of us can be a freak in our own right and freakhood (yes, I just invented that word) is individualized to each and every one of us. Being a freak doesn't guarantee that life is suddenly going to be easy (because not everyone understands letting your freak flag fly) but it can give you the confidence to remain a freak even when people question what you are trying to accomplish. Just remember, being a freak is all about doing things for you and to give yourself the permission to be who you truly feel you are.
Yes, some of these things I am directing to myself as well as saying them to you. I guess I have given myself stuff to think about in the upcoming week. I have a big week at work (I will write about how those adventures go next week) so I should probably sign off for the night. Best of luck with your freakhood this week, my dear readers! =)
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Standing my ground
Well, dear readers, it is almost the end of another weekend and I am left wondering why it's already time to go back to work in the morning... I had a list of things as long as my arm that I wanted to accomplish this weekend and it didn't happen. Yes, I was able to get some of the things checked off the list (which I do recognize and pat myself on the back for those accomplishments) but with other items, I started them and other things popped up to be added to the list as well. I guess I have to just do what I tell the kids at work, sometimes you just have to keep trying and not give up. I will just have to take a little bit of time if/when possible this upcoming week to keep trying to get the items on the list done so I can cross them off of the to-do list. We'll see how that goes...
I had some interesting situations at work that caused me to question or not if I should continue my attempts in letting my freak flag fly. I have a coworker who has made it quite clear that she doesn't like me and it seems as if she is expecting me to change who I am to suit her needs (she even gave me the silent treatment at work - which was honestly fine by me). At one point, I almost gave into her expectations and I questioned if I should change myself or not... After really giving it some thought and introspection, I decided that I was NOT going to change for her just because she doesn't like me. If she doesn't like me or my personality, I am not going to let it bother me nor am I going to change who I have worked so hard to become just because she wants me to. I am pretty proud of myself for that realization and for the fact that I'm standing my ground.
While I know my personality is one that can be challenging at times (and I am okay with admitting that about myself), I am tired of changing who I am so people can "like" me. I have friends who like me. Other people that I encounter can accept me or not but they don't have to necessarily like me. Just like I am not required to like people that I come in contact with. It is up to me to choose how I interact with people but I'm done giving people the control over me to think they can change who I am. I also have the choice if I'm going to continue to give that control to those around me or not. As of right now, I am going to do what is necessary to hang tight to that control over me and I chose to not change who I am just because it might be easier for someone else. That felt really good to write that. I'm going to write it again... I CHOSE TO NOT CHANGE WHO I AM JUST BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE EASIER FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
This afternoon I went back and reread some of my old blog posts. The ones I selected to read made me get introspective and made me think about some of the things that I've overcome and realize how far I've actually come in the last number of years. There are times I have felt as if I've made little to no progress but I saw today that I truly have. Am I 100% where I want to be, no, but I'm getting there. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, is cause for a celebration and recognition. I am going to try and make an effort to find something weekly (and then maybe work myself up to find something daily) that I have accomplished and celebrate said accomplishment. I know that's going to take some work on my part but it's something that I'm going to set as a goal to work on.
Well, speaking of goal setting, I should probably sign off for tonight in order to work some more on the baby blanket that is almost completed. I have just a little bit longer until I promised that it would be finished so I'm trying my hardest to reach that goal. Have a fabulous week my dear readers and LET THOSE FREAK FLAGS FLY!! =)
I had some interesting situations at work that caused me to question or not if I should continue my attempts in letting my freak flag fly. I have a coworker who has made it quite clear that she doesn't like me and it seems as if she is expecting me to change who I am to suit her needs (she even gave me the silent treatment at work - which was honestly fine by me). At one point, I almost gave into her expectations and I questioned if I should change myself or not... After really giving it some thought and introspection, I decided that I was NOT going to change for her just because she doesn't like me. If she doesn't like me or my personality, I am not going to let it bother me nor am I going to change who I have worked so hard to become just because she wants me to. I am pretty proud of myself for that realization and for the fact that I'm standing my ground.
While I know my personality is one that can be challenging at times (and I am okay with admitting that about myself), I am tired of changing who I am so people can "like" me. I have friends who like me. Other people that I encounter can accept me or not but they don't have to necessarily like me. Just like I am not required to like people that I come in contact with. It is up to me to choose how I interact with people but I'm done giving people the control over me to think they can change who I am. I also have the choice if I'm going to continue to give that control to those around me or not. As of right now, I am going to do what is necessary to hang tight to that control over me and I chose to not change who I am just because it might be easier for someone else. That felt really good to write that. I'm going to write it again... I CHOSE TO NOT CHANGE WHO I AM JUST BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE EASIER FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
This afternoon I went back and reread some of my old blog posts. The ones I selected to read made me get introspective and made me think about some of the things that I've overcome and realize how far I've actually come in the last number of years. There are times I have felt as if I've made little to no progress but I saw today that I truly have. Am I 100% where I want to be, no, but I'm getting there. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, is cause for a celebration and recognition. I am going to try and make an effort to find something weekly (and then maybe work myself up to find something daily) that I have accomplished and celebrate said accomplishment. I know that's going to take some work on my part but it's something that I'm going to set as a goal to work on.
Well, speaking of goal setting, I should probably sign off for tonight in order to work some more on the baby blanket that is almost completed. I have just a little bit longer until I promised that it would be finished so I'm trying my hardest to reach that goal. Have a fabulous week my dear readers and LET THOSE FREAK FLAGS FLY!! =)
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Courage
One of the things I remember my Dad telling me when I was little was that I could do anything or be anyone I wanted to be (maybe that's one of the reasons why I teach -- is because I can change who I am every day...). I took what he told me to heart then and I still do. When my Dad tells me that I can do something, it helps give me the confidence to know that I can. I know that not everyone has been as lucky to have their Dad support them no matter what, but I have been one of those lucky ones. My Dad has always been there for me to support me (even if/when he didn't necessarily agree with my decisions) and I have appreciated that more than I can ever tell him. Even when my Dad couldn't be there in person because of work, I knew that I always had his support. It was a comfort to know that he wished he could be there even if work called him away. I love you, Daddy!
This past week, I took a "mental health day" from work (I took the day off from work) and I found myself at the beach. Since it was the middle of the work week, the beach itself was pretty much deserted and I was able to walk the beach, climb rocks, explore tide pools and watch the waves crash upon the rocks and sand. It was glorious! I think I just might have to plan more of these kinds of days from work. I mean, work survived, nothing major happened in my absence so it shows me that it is possible for things to go on when I'm not there. Plus it was very good for me to take the day off of work. I was able to go back to work refreshed and that's one of the things that was important to me. The only downside to my "mental health day" was that it was over before I knew it... Oh, well. I guess that's what makes them all the more special when they get to happen.
With taking a "mental health day" I was hoping that it would allow me to work some on my muchness but I don't feel as if that happened. Yes, I did take the day for myself and I had fun exploring at the beach but I also thought some about the things I "should've" been doing instead. I don't like that feeling. I need to learn how to give myself permission take things one at a time and if I don't get it done, I will find a different time/place to accomplish those tasks. I think that's one of the most important things -- finding the way to grant myself that permission... A task to work on...
I think in order to find that permission, I need to remember those things my Dad told me. I get the chance to decide who/what I want to be. I don't need to wait for someone else to tell me who that is because I get to decide it for myself. I also don't have to decide today who I want to be and who I am doesn't have to be set in stone. If/when I choose, I can change who I am and that's okay. But the fact is I get to decide that for me. I know that my family will be there for me (especially when I may stumble/fall/get lost along the way) and knowing that definitely helps.
One of the things I'm going to work on over the next week or so is finding the courage to be who I am inside and letting other people see that me. I'm going to sign off for tonight in order to take an introspective look at things before going to bed tonight. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear about it!! Have a good week, my dear readers and I'll see you next week! =)
This past week, I took a "mental health day" from work (I took the day off from work) and I found myself at the beach. Since it was the middle of the work week, the beach itself was pretty much deserted and I was able to walk the beach, climb rocks, explore tide pools and watch the waves crash upon the rocks and sand. It was glorious! I think I just might have to plan more of these kinds of days from work. I mean, work survived, nothing major happened in my absence so it shows me that it is possible for things to go on when I'm not there. Plus it was very good for me to take the day off of work. I was able to go back to work refreshed and that's one of the things that was important to me. The only downside to my "mental health day" was that it was over before I knew it... Oh, well. I guess that's what makes them all the more special when they get to happen.
With taking a "mental health day" I was hoping that it would allow me to work some on my muchness but I don't feel as if that happened. Yes, I did take the day for myself and I had fun exploring at the beach but I also thought some about the things I "should've" been doing instead. I don't like that feeling. I need to learn how to give myself permission take things one at a time and if I don't get it done, I will find a different time/place to accomplish those tasks. I think that's one of the most important things -- finding the way to grant myself that permission... A task to work on...
I think in order to find that permission, I need to remember those things my Dad told me. I get the chance to decide who/what I want to be. I don't need to wait for someone else to tell me who that is because I get to decide it for myself. I also don't have to decide today who I want to be and who I am doesn't have to be set in stone. If/when I choose, I can change who I am and that's okay. But the fact is I get to decide that for me. I know that my family will be there for me (especially when I may stumble/fall/get lost along the way) and knowing that definitely helps.
One of the things I'm going to work on over the next week or so is finding the courage to be who I am inside and letting other people see that me. I'm going to sign off for tonight in order to take an introspective look at things before going to bed tonight. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear about it!! Have a good week, my dear readers and I'll see you next week! =)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Me time
Well, I officially made another child at work this past week threaten to call my Mommy and tell her what I "meanie" I was being (I told him that it was not okay to yell at rest time and that during clean up he needed to put the toys away that he had been playing with... yup, I'm horrible). Part of me just wanted to ask him where he thought I learned how to be a "meanie" but I didn't think about that until later... =) He never did end up calling my Mom (even though I told him to go ahead and call her) and he had forgotten all about it the next day and I was suddenly his "bestest teacher ever." I have never really understood why following through with something causes me to be classified as a "meanie" (i.e. if you do this, then your consequence will be ________). I think if more people (children as well as adults) were asked to follow those types of clear cut guidelines the world just might be a better place.
When dealing with people in general I believe I am firm but fair. Don't get me wrong, I do have a soft side (which doesn't come out as often as some around me would like...) but I've realized that I get to show that side when I chose - not just show it to make people like who I am. I am getting to the point where I like who I am and that's what's most important, right? I know that I am still definitely a work in progress and still need to find ways/opportunities to let my freak flag fly. I hope you, my dear readers, are doing better with this concept on a regular basis than I am. I am working at it but not as consistently as I'd like at this point.
Maybe part of my hesitation in truly letting my freak flag fly stems from fear of what people might think if I show the "all of me" that's hiding inside. Some of that fear could also be I haven't identified all of who the real me is yet because of thinking that "me" might be weird or wrong... Yes, I know that I'm weird (I'm the epitome of weird in my day to day duality of working with kids during the day and belly dancing the rest of the time) but do I really want people to know all of my weirdness? Maybe part of why I'm having a difficult time with letting my freak flag fly proudly is because I'm denying that side of myself to shine through. Something to think about and work on for sure...
One of the things I am doing for myself this week is I have taken a random day off of work for "me time." You heard it folks, the person who always works (sick or well, tired or rested, want to be there or not), is taking an entire day off of work that is not associated with a vacation or travel or dance or anything. I am taking a day to do whatever it is that I get in my head to do and I will have no one telling me "no." I am elated. While some people would have a day off of work planned minute to minute of things that HAVE to be done in that day off -- I have absolutely nothing planned. Who knows what kind of antics I might find myself in the middle of but I'm thrilled to have the endless opportunities. Yes, it might only be for one day but it's going to be my day. Am I going to plan something for my day? I don't think I'm going to. I think I'm going to just see where my freak flag leads me (it'll be used as a parasail or something like that).
On the plus side of things, while my weekend was full of activity (and was very tiring), it was a fun one. I taught my dance class yesterday morning (and had five dancers attend) and then I had to change into a costume and head to a performance. We danced several of our troupe dances (there were a total of four dancers from our troupe that went to the performance and we had lots of fun) and I danced my sword solo. Then today, I woke up nice and early to substitute teach a dance class for the dancer who coordinates the fund raiser shows that I dance for. I was very honored when she asked me if I wanted to sub for her and I feel as if I taught her students some fun moves. Not that long ago, I got a message from her to see how class went today and she asked me if I could sub for her again for the last two weeks of this month and I am very excited to have the opportunity. I know that it will lead to me having more weekends that aren't really weekends but it gives me the chance to share more of what I love to do.
Well, my dear readers, I feel as if it's that time again where I need to bring this to a close in order to prepare for heading into work bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm sorry if I rambled tonight or if my musings were convoluted. Thanks for reading anyway! =)
When dealing with people in general I believe I am firm but fair. Don't get me wrong, I do have a soft side (which doesn't come out as often as some around me would like...) but I've realized that I get to show that side when I chose - not just show it to make people like who I am. I am getting to the point where I like who I am and that's what's most important, right? I know that I am still definitely a work in progress and still need to find ways/opportunities to let my freak flag fly. I hope you, my dear readers, are doing better with this concept on a regular basis than I am. I am working at it but not as consistently as I'd like at this point.
Maybe part of my hesitation in truly letting my freak flag fly stems from fear of what people might think if I show the "all of me" that's hiding inside. Some of that fear could also be I haven't identified all of who the real me is yet because of thinking that "me" might be weird or wrong... Yes, I know that I'm weird (I'm the epitome of weird in my day to day duality of working with kids during the day and belly dancing the rest of the time) but do I really want people to know all of my weirdness? Maybe part of why I'm having a difficult time with letting my freak flag fly proudly is because I'm denying that side of myself to shine through. Something to think about and work on for sure...
One of the things I am doing for myself this week is I have taken a random day off of work for "me time." You heard it folks, the person who always works (sick or well, tired or rested, want to be there or not), is taking an entire day off of work that is not associated with a vacation or travel or dance or anything. I am taking a day to do whatever it is that I get in my head to do and I will have no one telling me "no." I am elated. While some people would have a day off of work planned minute to minute of things that HAVE to be done in that day off -- I have absolutely nothing planned. Who knows what kind of antics I might find myself in the middle of but I'm thrilled to have the endless opportunities. Yes, it might only be for one day but it's going to be my day. Am I going to plan something for my day? I don't think I'm going to. I think I'm going to just see where my freak flag leads me (it'll be used as a parasail or something like that).
On the plus side of things, while my weekend was full of activity (and was very tiring), it was a fun one. I taught my dance class yesterday morning (and had five dancers attend) and then I had to change into a costume and head to a performance. We danced several of our troupe dances (there were a total of four dancers from our troupe that went to the performance and we had lots of fun) and I danced my sword solo. Then today, I woke up nice and early to substitute teach a dance class for the dancer who coordinates the fund raiser shows that I dance for. I was very honored when she asked me if I wanted to sub for her and I feel as if I taught her students some fun moves. Not that long ago, I got a message from her to see how class went today and she asked me if I could sub for her again for the last two weeks of this month and I am very excited to have the opportunity. I know that it will lead to me having more weekends that aren't really weekends but it gives me the chance to share more of what I love to do.
Well, my dear readers, I feel as if it's that time again where I need to bring this to a close in order to prepare for heading into work bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm sorry if I rambled tonight or if my musings were convoluted. Thanks for reading anyway! =)
Sunday, June 2, 2013
surrender
The concept of surrendering is not a new one to me. Basically it has always meant waving the white flag and giving up. This past week during my quest, a new way to look at surrendering was introduced to me - what if, instead of giving up, surrender instead is letting go of something in order for it to be replaced with something new/different? Along with that, it doesn't necessarily need to be better/worse but rather it's something that wasn't anticipated. I don't know about you, dear readers, but I had always equated surrendering with somewhat negative connotations. With this new concept, it may or may not be a question of negative or positive just different...
I will have to try very hard to arm myself with this new philosophy on surrender this upcoming week. Some of my responsibilities at work have shifted for the next couple of weeks and while I know I'm up for the challenge, it's going to test this new view on surrender as well as test my opportunity to let my freak flag fly. This responsibility shift is not only going to test me mentally/physically but it is also going to challenge me to learn how and delegate jobs that I would ordinarily just take care of myself. I'm going to be putting in extra hours (which always makes for a nice paycheck) but I know that I will have to learn how and delegate some responsibilities because even with the extra time, there just won't be enough hours in the work day to accomplish everything.
This last one is going to be what's most difficult for me (I have become accustomed to stretching myself too thin physically/mentally/emotionally). I'm the type who will take on additional tasks and just do them myself so I know they're done properly rather than delegate them to someone else. I know that in the long run doing it that way isn't best for anyone involved (because it stresses me out and teaches them that I'll just do the work for them) but I have often found that it's easiest for me at the time to just take on those additional tasks. But I know that for the best interest of everyone in the long run, I do need to start not taking on so much responsibility at once. If I can't find a way to (once again) balance those scales, everything is going to begin to suffer and I don't want that to happen.
This balancing act doesn't just apply to work. I am seriously starting to think that I have multiple sets of scales -- one for work, one for dance, one for "everything else." Maybe because I have multiple scales, that's why I'm having difficulty finding ways to balance everything. I think I have to start looking at things that come up in my day to day activities as spinning plates -- I can only keep so many spinning at one time before they all come crashing to the ground. I guess it's up to me to decide which plates are worth saving and which ones I should either let someone else worry about or be okay with them crashing to the ground. I have personally spun plates but have only ever done two at one time. I guess I will just have to remember that...
There was one day this past week that I put all of the spinning plates on hold (even though I was very reluctant to do so) and I went out for the evening with one of my coworkers. She had told me that she had plans to go out and invited me to go - I was trying to find a way to politely back out of the invitation when I received a couple of text messages from her when she was out. Since it wasn't too far from where I life (and I figured it would just be for a little bit), I changed, slapped on some make up and I went out. They got me out on the dance floor and they even convinced me to participate in karaoke (for the first time EVER -- yes, as a singer, I have never done karaoke until this past weekend). It was a fun night (and I actually didn't make it home until almost midnight!) and I've been trying to not give myself too much of a hassle for going out. I think it's something that I might do again but probably not on a regular basis -- since it was way outside of my usual comfort zone.
But on that note, I should probably bring this to a close for tonight dear readers so I can get as much done with what's left of the evening before the week ahead. I hope it's a good one, dear readers! =)
I will have to try very hard to arm myself with this new philosophy on surrender this upcoming week. Some of my responsibilities at work have shifted for the next couple of weeks and while I know I'm up for the challenge, it's going to test this new view on surrender as well as test my opportunity to let my freak flag fly. This responsibility shift is not only going to test me mentally/physically but it is also going to challenge me to learn how and delegate jobs that I would ordinarily just take care of myself. I'm going to be putting in extra hours (which always makes for a nice paycheck) but I know that I will have to learn how and delegate some responsibilities because even with the extra time, there just won't be enough hours in the work day to accomplish everything.
This last one is going to be what's most difficult for me (I have become accustomed to stretching myself too thin physically/mentally/emotionally). I'm the type who will take on additional tasks and just do them myself so I know they're done properly rather than delegate them to someone else. I know that in the long run doing it that way isn't best for anyone involved (because it stresses me out and teaches them that I'll just do the work for them) but I have often found that it's easiest for me at the time to just take on those additional tasks. But I know that for the best interest of everyone in the long run, I do need to start not taking on so much responsibility at once. If I can't find a way to (once again) balance those scales, everything is going to begin to suffer and I don't want that to happen.
This balancing act doesn't just apply to work. I am seriously starting to think that I have multiple sets of scales -- one for work, one for dance, one for "everything else." Maybe because I have multiple scales, that's why I'm having difficulty finding ways to balance everything. I think I have to start looking at things that come up in my day to day activities as spinning plates -- I can only keep so many spinning at one time before they all come crashing to the ground. I guess it's up to me to decide which plates are worth saving and which ones I should either let someone else worry about or be okay with them crashing to the ground. I have personally spun plates but have only ever done two at one time. I guess I will just have to remember that...
There was one day this past week that I put all of the spinning plates on hold (even though I was very reluctant to do so) and I went out for the evening with one of my coworkers. She had told me that she had plans to go out and invited me to go - I was trying to find a way to politely back out of the invitation when I received a couple of text messages from her when she was out. Since it wasn't too far from where I life (and I figured it would just be for a little bit), I changed, slapped on some make up and I went out. They got me out on the dance floor and they even convinced me to participate in karaoke (for the first time EVER -- yes, as a singer, I have never done karaoke until this past weekend). It was a fun night (and I actually didn't make it home until almost midnight!) and I've been trying to not give myself too much of a hassle for going out. I think it's something that I might do again but probably not on a regular basis -- since it was way outside of my usual comfort zone.
But on that note, I should probably bring this to a close for tonight dear readers so I can get as much done with what's left of the evening before the week ahead. I hope it's a good one, dear readers! =)
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