Memories

[I just realized that with a title like that, it brings to mind someone singing on stage wearing a (literal) cat suit...  Yes, I love musicals and am referring to Cats.]

Today started off with a very interesting situation at church...  I got there early for Praise Band rehearsal (as always), took something out to my car and then ended up walking back in with another member of the Band.  As we walked in, the smoke alarm in the kitchen started going off.  He and I went to check it out as there was smoke pouring out of the oven.  Church was having an Easter pot-luck after the service and someone had put something into the oven (without checking the oven first for spill-over) and they walked away.  There was food that had spilled in the bottom of the oven that was causing the smoke.  We turned off the oven and shut the door, opened the windows/doors in the kitchen area and we attempted to fan the smoke out of the kitchen.  While I was helping with all of this, I knew it wasn't the best idea since, while I don't have asthma, I have been known to have an asthmatic reaction to smoke.  When the smoke was clearing, I opted to leave in order to catch my breath.  I did say that while having to deal with the smoke was an annoyance, it at least kept me from smelling he lilies that were everywhere in the sanctuary (I'm allergic to lilies).  Everyone was thankful that things didn't end up worse than a kitchen full of smoke.  So, needless to say, it was an interesting start to Easter Sunday...  [When I told my youngest brother about it, he came up with the BEST alliteration: Panicking praising participants presuming possible problems preceding praise pageantry.]

I guess it's all about making memories.  The smoke filled church kitchen is probably not something I will soon forget and I'm sure it's a memory that will come to mind each Easter Sunday.  Something else that always comes to mind during Holy Week is music.  As I've written before, I come from a very musically inclined family (we each sing) and every year we would each have our Easter season songs that we would sing.  While each song was powerful in there own way, there were two in particular that my Dad would pick from (depending on when he was asked to sing) and those songs are ones that to this day I can hear him singing.  Because I was thinking about those particular songs this past week, I decided to look for them on iTunes and they were both there!  After I downloaded them, I of course had to listen to them right away.  To my surprise, even after all of the time it's been since I've listened to them, I still remembered all of the words and the feelings Dad always evoked when he sang them came to me again (and I could honestly hear him singing them in my head).

Memories are a powerful thing.  The good memories help remind us who we are and the not so good memories help remind us how much we've overcome and how far we've come.  Maybe I'm writing that as much for myself as I'm writing it for one of you readers out there.  I often don't remind myself enough or give myself enough credit for how far I've come.  There are times where, looking back on some things, I should have given myself more credit rather than beating myself up over them.

One example that comes to mind is, I know that I need to get back on track weight loss/exercise wise.  On the other hand, I need to take care of my knee (which is slowly but surely feeling better).  I have been referring to myself as being "lazy" but instead I should realize that taking care of myself now will be better for me in the long run.  For me, I know that there are times that I get hyper-focused on exercise when I get my mind set on a goal but I also don't want to cause permanent damage in order to reach said goals.  As Mom reminded me when I was talking on the phone with her today, I can refocus my efforts when it comes to the food I'm eating and then go back to the exercise when the knee is feeling 100% (or at least 100% for me).  That being said, rather than beating myself up over being "lazy," I just need to remind myself of how far I've come and that I can reach my goals -- I just have to learn how to be patient...

I guess what I need to do is just keep reminding myself to make those memories and look back on them from time to time -- the memories that have made me who I am and who I'd like to be.

excitement

It has been another long and busy week, dear readers so I hope this comes together without being too disjointed...

Last Sunday, we danced on the main stage of a wonderful dance festival and we were very well received.  Because we were working with props (skirts, canes and veils), there were a couple of moments where the props had minds of their own (including the instructor's cane going flying at one point) but that's to be expected sometimes.  My knee did decide to give me some trouble but I didn't let it stop me from dancing.  I danced with everything I had and then ended up limping to my dance bag for my knee brace and still ended up limping some even with it on [side note: my knee has been doing pretty good this week and only has given me a few problems on and off].  I did find a really neat costume piece as well as a new belt for myself at the festival so that's always exciting!  =)

One of the surprising things that happened this past week is I took an afternoon off of work.  When I woke up on Wednesday, I felt a little nauseous but I was able to push the feeling away.  While I was at work, the feeling returned even stronger and I wasn't able to push the nauseous feeling away.  People at work told me that I looked awful and I think I probably looked as bad as I felt.  I ended up talking to the boss, told her what I thought I could accomplish but that I thought I would need to leave at noon.  I surprised myself and was able to get those tasks done before leaving.  On my way home, I stopped and got some soup (and I very rarely eat soup); when I got home, I changed into sweats, ate my soup and fell asleep on the couch for about three hours or so.  I was feeling some better but I continued to lounge on the couch.

While I was lounging on the couch, I got an unexpected text message from one of my nephews.  We then continued to have a "conversation" for a few minutes (he sent me strings of letters and my typical 'teacher' response of "that's so interesting...") and I then sent him a photo of the zoo trip he and I shared last summer.  Right after I sent the picture, my phone started to ring -- he was calling me via FaceTime! We didn't have a long conversation (he was VERY excited) but it was really fun to talk to him even if for just those few moments and see him being his goofy self.  I think maybe the conversation with him is what helped me to feel better.  That night I feel like I got really restful sleep and I woke up ready to go into work (it's been quite some time since I've jumped right up in the AM ready to go to work).

This weekend I have been a little adventurous when it comes to food and I have actually cooked a few times for myself.  Some of it ended up EXACTLY how I wanted it to end up and was delicious and some of it was not so delicious but I will live and learn...  I know that some of cooking is being willing to try and I'm glad that I did.  One of the things I attempted to make was biscuits and they ended up not so fabulous.  I was looking forward to having them with scrambled eggs and the eggs didn't turn out too great either.  I didn't realize I could screw scrambled eggs too bad (especially when I made them with Egg Beaters) but they didn't taste very good.  Oh, well.  I guess I will just have to continue to try different things.  I was just proud of myself for making the attempt (especially with the biscuits).

Because I was sick, I don't feel as if I had the opportunity to work on my "muchness" this past week.  I know that it will be an ongoing process but it is something that I plan to really focus on over the next few weeks.  I will let you know how that goes...

Muchness

After coming home from a long day of work yesterday, I decided to change into some very comfortable clothes and watch a movie.  The movie that I selected was Alice in Wonderland.  While watching the movie, something they referenced really caught my attention - that was the concept of muchness.  As I watched the movie and thought about what it must have felt like for Alice when they were discuss the loss of her muchness, I could relate to that feeling.  Even without knowing what muchness meant for Alice, I am starting to learn what it means to me...

I thought about it before going to bed last night, at the dance studio today and while I was talking to my Mom on the phone today.  In an effort to understand muchness even more, being the nerd that I am, I looked up the 'official' definition of muchness on-line today.  According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, muchness is defined as "the quality or state of being great in quantity, extent or degree."  Another website had a different definition of muchness that I think fits better in my situation - "the joy, the spark of light and positivity that fuels our days, our imaginations, our individuality and confidence."  When looking at the second and more fitting (for me) of those definitions, I feel that, I, like Alice have lost my muchness...

If you haven't noticed (I know I've noticed), there has been something "off" in my writing as of late because I feel as if there has been something "off" with me as of late.  Now that I have this definition of muchness, I think what has been "off" is me feeling like I have lost my muchness.  Without realizing it, I have either lost or have had the spark of light/positivity blown out and by having that happen, creativity/inspiration/imagination has been difficult to come by (all traits that are very important when it comes to writing).  Even now, as I sit here thinking/writing/painting my nails hot pink with glitter nail polish, I am finding it somewhat difficult to conjure the muchness necessary to write.  I must find a way to reclaim my muchness...  Any ideas?

I think some of it comes from not really doing anything for myself in quite some time (I can't believe it's been six weeks now since I took myself whale watching...) and that really needs to change.  I've been pushing myself so hard between work and dance that while at the Studio this past Wednesday during rehearsal, my knee buckled and has been giving me issues since.  Of course, we have a HUGE performance tomorrow where we'll be dancing on the main stage so today after class, I have spent quite a bit of the day sitting on the couch and propping my leg up on the footstool in an effort to help it feel better.  Even if it's sore tomorrow, I'll dance through the pain and brace it before/after if that's what I need to do.  Because I've been pushing myself so hard, I've also been finding it way too convenient to come up with excuses not to work out - which is something else that I also need to change.

As I was sitting here thinking of what to write next, I received an e-mail from someone very dear to me that made me giggle.  With that giggle brought a thought - laughter really is a good medicine and children know it.  If you've ever spent any amount of time with children, they laugh and anything/everything/nothing (sometimes they laugh for no reason at all) and children, in my opinion, have muchness in spades.  Maybe I need to find one thing each day to make me giggle -- it can be as simple as reading something silly online, to laughing at something my dogs have done, listening to a silly song, ANYTHING!  But I think that's something that I need to make a priority.  I tend to focus on the details of everything (if you haven't been able to tell from my writings, I'm a perfectionist - big time!) that I lose sight of other things around me sometimes.  I think I can still be a perfectionist but I also need to remember to find pleasure in the small things and maybe that will help reinstate my muchness.  We'll see.

Well, my dear readers, since I have my huge dance show tomorrow, I should probably bring this to a close and finish getting everything ready for the performance.  I hope, if nothing else, tomorrow is a day filled with wonder and muchness!

Car "improvements"

It has been a crazy busy week full of interesting twists and turns around every bend...

My car has been counting down to tell me that it's almost time for service.  I had emailed a couple of places to inquire to their service departments to find out if they could perform the needed service on my car and to also find out about pricing.  I got a call last Saturday from one of the places saying they were calling not from the service department but from the sales department.  I tried explaining that the request I sent was in fact for the service department and asked if the gentleman could transfer me.  He told me that in fact he couldn't since he was calling from his cell phone from the sales department because that's where I sent my request (even though I specifically checked the box for it to be sent to the service department) and he even admitted that he didn't even read the e-mail that he had received anyway.  At that point, I told him that he was making me not want to use their location if that's how they were going to treat their customers and he said he didn't know what I was talking about.  When he then told me he would give me the phone number to the service department, he hung up on me.  Oh, well.  I guess they don't want my business after all.  I was kind of impressed that I didn't feel as if I let him make me feel guilty or anything!

On Monday, I missed a call from a more local company that I had also emailed.  When I was able to return their phone call, they told me that they could actually fit my car in for service the following day after I got off of work.  It made it even more convenient that it was not far from where I work.  I took it in for service and the only down side is they told me that I had weather damage on both of my rear tires and that I should really have them changed immediately.  They told me they would call me the following day with pricing for ordering tires through them.  I never heard back.  While they did a very good job with the needed service on my car, I guess they didn't want the sale of two tires.  Oh, well...

When I didn't hear back from them, I started to do research on my own to find tires at a good price.  I ended up finding them at a very decent price at the company I used when my other car needed tires.  I made an appointment for yesterday and I was in and out (even though I was a little early for my appointment) in less than an hour.  I took a book with me but I was glad that I was in and out of there.

After getting the new tires, I headed home and opted to take a nap.  I had planned on napping for about an hour and a half so I could get some things accomplished before having to get ready for a show that I danced in last night.  Unfortunately, rather than napping for and hour and a half, I ended up sleeping for three hours!  I figure that was my body's way of telling me that I needed to catch up on some sleep, but that means that I wasn't really able to accomplish anything before I needed to get ready for the gig.  Luckily I did get up in time to select my costume (since I hadn't done so yet) and get ready for the performance.

I think part of the reason I ended up sleeping for so long is I came down with something this past week (I figure I was around new kids thus new germs or it was from allergies).  I had started off the week with some congestion and sneezing quite a bit.  From there, it progressed to coughing, sinus pressure/headache as well as losing my voice (had no voice through this morning but it was back this afternoon - go figure).  Hopefully the voice is back but knowing my luck (especially with allergies) it may or may not be and I might wake up tomorrow and it'll be gone again.

Well, on that note, I should probably get going in order to get some things accomplished before the week ahead.  I know this post was more of what I did this week and wasn't overly insightful but I will try to be more insightful/introspective nest post.  =)

Flexibility

There are times that I truly wonder how flexible I can be before my breaking point is reached.  I know that my breaking point is at a different point than it used to be but I still do have one.  One of the most important lessons I learned from my college choir professor was that we all needed to learn about flexibility - he said that only by us all learning how to be flexible could we learn how to function as one.  I think that lesson is an important one for everyone to learn.  In any situation, if you only have one or two people willing to have any sort of flexibility, those who are willing, will burn out very quickly.

I find myself, yet again, in a position that I need to be more flexible for myself is allowing myself the time to stop and take a breath when I feel it necessary.  I know, I know.  I have said it before and I will probably end up saying it again but it is something that I really need to find a way to work on.  I need to find the way to allow myself to say I need to take a step back and to de-stress before it completely eats away at me...  I'm honestly starting to wonder if the stress I'm allowing in my life is what's attributing to some of my aches and pains returning...

I know that there is going to be a different aspect of stress added to my life starting tomorrow but I'm going to go into it with a positive attitude so I don't get overwhelmed.  At work, I'm headed back to my old building and will be back working with the age group I started with.  With any shift at work (whether it be a lateral shift as this one is or any other kind of shift such as promotion/demotion) it does bring it's own set of challenges but I'm willing to take them all in stride.  Leaving the building behind where I've poured my heart/soul since August is bittersweet but I will take all that I've learned and the opportunities that I was given with me so those are the bonuses that I have to remind myself of (as difficult as it may be at times).

While I'm up for the new challenge at work, I do have some apprehension going into it.  I've worked with many of these individuals before but haven't worked with some of them so it will take some time getting to know the working styles of one another.  I also am sure that there have been more than a few changes at this building that I will have to learn along the way (which can be a challenge in and of itself not necessarily knowing what they are before going in - yet just having to "know" what they are).  I guess what I'll have to do is just take one thing at a time and one day at a time and just go from there.  That's all I can do I guess.

When looking at flexibility it not only applies to being flexible at work/life but physically as well.  Since some of my joints are acting up again, I know that there is something going on.  I know that I need to focus on my weight loss for myself again (which I am working on with my food choices and looking into setting up my workout routine for myself again).  My Mom suggested I might look into massage as an option as well (my first and only real experience with getting a massage did not go well and I have been hesitant to try it since).  It is something that I'm hesitant to try but trying it once to see how I respond to it now might not be such a bad (even though is is nerve wracking) experience.  We'll just have to wait and see if/when I can convince myself to go for it...

Well, dear readers, since I have a long week ahead of me, I'm going to sign off for the evening.  May you have a fabulous week and I challenge you to find one situation in which you can be flexible.  Good luck!  =)