Sitting in the airport.....

(written very late 28 December; posted 29 December)

Well, here I am, sitting in an airport.... AGAIN..... I feel like I just finished living in the airport and I find myself sitting in one for another million hours. Okay, I won't really be here for a million hours but I have a feeling it will feel like it...

When I went to visit family over Christmas, my original flight was cancelled and I was told I could fly out of the local airport in two days or travel to an airport an hour to the north the following day. I opted to go to the other airport. But because my original flight was changed, I ended up sitting in the Chicago airport for approximately 12 hours. The waiting was good and bad. It was good because I watched a couple of movies on my iPad. It was bad in the sense that the only other people I saw overnight in the airport were cleaning/airport crew; so that was kind of creepy. Oh, well. I survived and it was definitely an "experience."

Now I find myself sitting in the Chicago airport overnight again but it will only be for approximately 9 hours tonight. For the moment, there are quite a few people sitting in the area around me and I think I even overheard someone say they will be on the same flight I'll be on in the morning. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if there are other travelers spending the night in the airport like I'll be tonight...

My visit with family was, as always, too short. Even though I got to spend time with the local family members, I wish I could have spent more time with each and every one of them; especially my now four-year-old nephew. Although I spend time with children all day every day, it was so much fun to play with him I think because it's been two years since I've seen him and he's changed so much since I've seen him. From growing up far away from my aunts and uncles I was used to that myself but it was hard realizing that he didn't really know me nor I him. Maybe one day circumstances will be such that I can be closer to him and any other nieces/nephews that come along.

While it is my hope to not get so wrapped up in "life" when I get back that it seems as if I didn't get a vacation, I don't know if that will be possible or not. When I get back (if nothing has been delayed), I will have six hours to shower, eat, relax before a dance rehearsal for a performance that will take place on New Year's Eve. In this performance, we are dancing in a processional (we can't call it a "parade") and then three half-hour shows. In those shows, I will be dancing all but one dance and one of those dances will be me performing a sword solo.

If that isn't going to keep me busy enough, I have another sword solo a week later at a performance that is by invitation only. I am equally nervous and excited about the performance at this point. I'm sure that it will all work out and go well but with some of the other dancers on the program it does make me nervous. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm a unique dancer and not to compare myself to anyone else but for me, that is WAY easier said than done. Maybe I can take some of my time in the airport to reflect on that....

On that note, I am going to bring my writing to a close before I get too tired and to be sure I'll have more to write about on Sunday. =)

Hopefully the rest of my travels will go well; especially since I have rehearsal tomorrow night. Wish me luck with all of my upcoming adventures....

Too many hours

Dear Readers,

Over the past couple of days, I have spent way too many hours awake and in too many different airports in an effort to spend some time with family over the holiday season. Due to these set of circumstances I am unable to string coherent thoughts together to create my post for the week as of right now. I will attempt again after having caught up on some sleep.

I hope you have had the opportunity to spend time with loved ones during this joyous of holiday seasons and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!!

=) Gypsy

I feel like a bounce ball....

I feel like the last couple of weeks that I have been bounced around so much that I feel like one of those bounce balls that you drop on the floor and then they go every which way and you have to crawl under a table to find it. For as many times as I've been under that table (metaphorically speaking), I feel like I'm now covered in some fuzzies, dirt, and the piece of a Cheeto that fell on the floor that no one bothered to pick up... Yes, I know that is kind of a weird comparison but it's how I feel.

Things have been interesting at work so I've been needed in lots of different places and I don't necessarily know where I'm headed from day to day (or from hour to hour depending). Granted, I know that some of that is now built into my job description but it does get hard to brush the fuzzies/dirt/Cheetos off after awhile. Maybe I just need a break from my day-to-day insanities (not just at work but in my outside of work activities as well).

Don't get me wrong; I love dancing and I do enjoy my job, however, maybe I do just need a change of pace and a change of environment. It's probably a good thing that work is closed for our annual vacation next week as well as the studio being closed. I know that with the studio being closed, I will have to put in some work at home (which I need to do since I have several upcoming solo performances) but I'm okay with that. I think maybe I just need to change things up a little and give myself a different perspective.

Maybe along with that different perspective I'll be able to continue along my journey. Actually in one way that I made major strides along my journey this week... Someone at work asked me something about my ex (using his name) and my actual response was "who?" It was kind of a mixed feeling after I thought about it. I know that on one hand it is a sign of my personal growth and distance from my situation however, I also felt slightly horrible about it too since I was with him for all that time. But I guess that I need to focus on the good of the situation - the fact that I am continuing to move on.

Some of the feelings of being a bounce ball could have to do with the time of year and the upcoming holidays. These are some of the times that I feel lonely. Yes, it's nice to have the unique extended family that I do but there is something different about having a significant other at this time of year. Oh, well. Maybe next year...

I am thankful for my unique extended family and the fact that they are here to support me wen my family isn't readily available. I know that my family is just a phone call away (and I call them often) however, it is nice to go out with members of my unique family if I just need an evening away from things going on in my life.

Well, this bounce ball has some things that need to be accomplished before bouncing off to bed in preparation for the unexpected paths ahead of me in the upcoming week. =)

Lots to do....

I have once again found myself at the end of the weekend and wondering where the time went.... Friday night I went out to dinner with a belly dance gal pal and then I helped her pick out a really cute pair of shoes (and I bought myself a scarf - I have started to wear scarves lately to change my "look"). =) Then, on Saturday, I went to dance class, FINALLY got my haircut and picked up a couple of things at a nearby mall. I just went and wandered around for a bit and it was nice to be out of the house for a while, watching the hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers. Then, today, we played hand bells at church and then I went and did some Christmas shopping of my own. When I came home this afternoon, I ran laundry through the washer and dryer, but of course I haven't done anything else with it. I really HATE doing laundry....

It's funny sometimes. There are some household chores that I don't mind doing, however, I don't always keep up on them because who am I trying to impress? I'm never home and my dogs don't seem to care (as long as they have food in their bowl and they get the occasional treat and tummy rub). There are times where I really do have the best of intentions to keep things picked up around here but then, before I seem to know what happened, things are all over the place again. It's kind of ironic that it happens, since, once again, I'm hardly ever home. I guess that's something that I should resolve to work on in the upcoming year... Since I am hardly home, I should really make an effort to put things away when I use something because who honestly knows when I'll have the opportunity to find time to put it away again....

I have been doing some thinking this past week (I know, scary, right?). I think along the road to finding myself I have made several wrong turns. I have avoided some of the rest stops along the way to help myself but have used the on ramps towards helping others. Granted, I have found the way back to the road of finding myself but sometimes a little worse for wear because I have expended so much energy towards others. Not that I want to stop helping others - I don't think I'll ever stop wanting to help others. However, I do need to remember that I'm important too. (Now that I've written this, I have taken a brief break from writing to paint my fingernails. They are bright blue but that's what makes them fun.)

I do have to remember to remind myself that I do have to make time for myself along my journey otherwise I'm not going to be able to help anyone. Because I am so busy with things, I often find myself helping others in my "down" time. I need to remember to make time for myself as well; even if it's just taking the time to paint my finger/toe nails a fun color.

Another thing I am going to attempt to work on is not bringing work stress home with me. If it's something I can't change, and it won't change if I bring that stress home, why not leave it at work? If I leave it at work, it'll be there waiting for me the next day so why not get some sleep at night in order to be better equipped to deal with things? I know that for me, this is going to be easier said than done but it is a goal to work on.

Well, in an effort to feel like I accomplished something this weekend, I think I am going to sign off from the computer so I can attempt to address some Christmas cards before heading to bed. Wishing everyone sweet dreams! =)

Limitations

This week I am feeling the need to write about limits/limitations. I am definitely NOT an expert on creating said limitations but I'm going to write about them anyway...

I have once again found myself very much so overworked, over extended, and over stressed. I know that all three of these would be very easily solved if I just learned how to say the word "no;" even if it is just using the word "no" on an occasional basis. I often find myself agreeing to something even before I have had a chance to really think through what exactly I'm agreeing to since saying "sure" or "yes" seems to be so ingrained in me. I'm not entirely sure when this strong desire to always say "yes" to things has come from but there are times where I wish that desire had an on/off switch.

Another trait of mine that I wish had an on/off switch is my dislike to saying "good-bye." I think having this trait is one of the reasons why I have had such trouble with the divorce. As my Dad pointed out today, the wasband and I have now been separated for more than half the time we were married yet I am finding myself bothered by the date this coming Tuesday (it is the date we were married). Let me say again, I do NOT want the wasband back but I do miss having someone else in the house (like today for example, I was hungry but it just seemed too much of an effort to make something to eat - it would have been nice to ask someone else to cook for me). I think in this aspect, I am going to attempt to set a limitation on myself - - within the next year, I would like to not have these dates bother me so much. I know that it may or may not be a possibility but I would like to attempt to make this goal for myself. I am looking to you, dear readers, to help hold me accountable to this goal.

I'm not entirely sure yet how I am going to help hold myself accountable to this goal but I would seriously like to work on this aspect of self. I know that I will never truly be able to move on until I have accomplished this. I know that I still may have ups/downs, good days and bad days but I believe that I will be able to overcome all of this and not have it define me anymore.

I know that if I don't start to set this limitation on myself I may never get beyond the choices that I made as well as choices that were made that were out of my control. I don't want the feeling of things being beyond my control anymore. I do know that in order to do this though I am going to reach past my level of comfort and realize that if I am going to have others respect me and what I have to say, I am going to have to start putting those limitations on those around me. I know that I can't control what others do/say but I can set limitations on how I will allow or not allow them to take advantage of me.

I realize that none of these limitations (directed towards myself or others) is going to be easy but if it was easy, I know that I personally would not appreciate it as much. In some ways I am ready for my life to quiet down a bit but I think that also falls under not appreciating it as much. If nothing else, I can definitely say that my life is not a boring one! Take care and I think this blogger is going to prepare myself for the insanity the week ahead holds in store for me...