Happy Holidays! =)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone out there in Cyber land! =) I hope everyone had enjoyable time with family and friends. I spent Christmas morning walking on the beach with my Pastor (yes, it seems very strange to me that I spent Christmas walking on a beach). We had a really nice time (I even saw my first sea otter in the "wild") and then it decided to rain on us; not just little drops of rain, but the sky opened up. I guess it just adds to the memory. =)

After getting home, I threw all of those wet, sandy, salty clothes in the wash and I jumped into a steamy shower and just stood in the hot water for about 20 minutes to thaw out. I then decided to put on some sweats and just kind of be cozy for the rest of the day. I figured the walk with her on the beach helped me to feel 'cozy' on the inside (we talked about a lot of things while we walked) and then when I got home I just allowed myself to get cozy on the outside as well.

I figured if I couldn't spend time with family, I would curl up with my doggies and call my family. I didn't talk with everyone because they were watching a movie but it was nice to hear the family in the background. Plus, I have my parents upcoming visit to look forward to! =)

Hearing my family in the background when I was talking to Mom reminded me of the time I spent at home last year during the holidays. Yeah, I wish I could have gone home this year for the holidays too but I think it will be lots of fun to be able to spend time with my parents here too. I will have the opportunity to show them where I currently live.

I am also looking forward to having them here because my belly dance troupe will be performing on New Year's Eve and I'm planning on participating in the troupe dances and I'm dancing a solo as well. I have been working on it some but I know that I still have some more work to do. It's a good thing I'm meeting some of my belly dance gal pals at the studio tomorrow to work on some choreography - - I think I'll just have to go a little earlier and work on my solo piece. Have to make sure it's the best that I can perform it. =)

I hope this Holiday season filled your heart with love and laughter and that your upcoming new year is filled with many blessings.

Even more adventures........

Well, yesterday I embarked on another new adventure for me.... Someone had told me that I was driving on VERY unsafe tires and that I needed at least two front ones as soon as possible. Based on their recommendation, I found a place online where I could afford tires and made an appointment for yesterday. As someone who has never bought her own tires before, I was very nervous but I selected tires that received a good ranking online as well as many positive customer comments. So I went yesterday to have the new tires put onto my car (I opted to replace all four tires so I wouldn't have to worry about the other two wearing out anytime soon; since they were still original tires on my car).

When they were finished and brought my car around, they told me that my car had four new shoes on and was ready to go dancing. =) The guy also told me that my front tires were SO bad that he could actually see the air in them. With it raining here so much as it has been, I definitely feel safer driving my car with the new tires. I can feel the difference as I drive down the road. I guess, before yesterday, I never knew what a difference new tires could make while driving. =)

Another adventure I've had this weekend, is on Friday evening, I decided it was time to rearrange practically every piece of furniture in my tiny apartment. I'm not anywhere near done yet, but the main pieces of furniture are where I think I want them and the rest will just kind of have to fill in the gaps. At least starting Friday, I will have time off of work to fix things how I want them. Granted I will only have until next Wednesday to get everything done......

A week from this Wednesday, my parents will be coming out to visit me! =) One of the reasons this excites me so much is I haven't seen my parents in just about a year. It's also going to be fun when they visit because my belly dance troupe will be performing (they haven't really seen me dance in person before) and I am supposed to dance a solo that night as well. Also when they are here, I will be singing a solo at church. Wow.... Yes, it's going to be a little hectic while they are here but I think we are going to have a lot of fun as well! =)

Well, since my apartment is a disaster, I should probably at least go and shovel off the bed so I will be able to get some sleep tonight. Wishing you and your family a VERY Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! =)

I choose me......

Last week I wrote about emotions and I have had quite a few emotional moments this last week... This past week held some different 'anniversaries' for me and they all had to do with my wasband... This past Monday would have been my 7 year anniversary; Wednesday marked the two year point of when I received the divorce papers and a year ago Friday I received the papers from the court telling me the divorce had been finalized. I am glad the week is over.....

Yes, I had some moments that were overly emotional but I survived the week and that's all I can do. All I can really do is keep doing what I'm doing and keep moving forward. Yes, I still may stumble and fall along the way but I have to remember that I am still making progress (even if/when I don't necessarily feel as if I'm making progress). I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm nowhere near where I was when this whole mess started...

After my wasband left, I had to take a good hard look into who I am as a person and honestly take a look at what I did/didn't like about myself. Over the last two years, I have had the opportunity to stay who I was (someone who had allowed others to pigeonhole me into a box that contained their version of "me") or change. That simple. I had the choice and I chose to change. There are still parts of the 'old' me that it will still take time to move away from but I'm honestly starting to like the me that's emerging.

As I've written about before, I have always been a bit of a people pleaser (okay, more than just a bit of a people pleaser...). But, I'm starting to realize that I also have to work on helping myself in that mix as well. I can't take care of others if I let myself fall to the wayside. No, I don't want to become totally self-absorbed but I do need to do things for myself at times. Like yesterday, I bought myself two new tops, a pair of jeans and two new pairs of earrings. When I was trying on the clothes, I thought I looked really good (something I don't think very often at all about myself).

The good thing is, once again, I am realizing that I don't have to have all of the answers right now. It's okay that I'm a work in progress. I might just have to keep telling myself that.... =)

Emotions

Emotions can be a funny thing at times.... You can feel at peace about a particular situation one moment and then in a moment feel completely different about it.

Yes, I am writing about emotions this week for a particular reason. Last week I wrote that I was thankful that I didn't have to deal with my wasband anymore and then, last night, thoughts of him invaded my dreams making it difficult to sleep. Tomorrow would have been our 7 year anniversary....

While I originally thought getting married during the beginning of the Christmas season would be a good thing, now that things went the way they did, I have to work past the emotions this time of year brings about. I'm sure, at some point, this time of year won't affect me (and I didn't necessarily expect it to hit me this hard this year) but I'm not there yet.

Okay, I have calmed down some and will try to take a different approach to this post. I don't want to start over because I don't want to discount how I was feeling earlier but I want to try to look at things from a different perspective.

I can think of what was my wedding day with fond memories even if the marriage didn't go the way I thought it would (ending in divorce). There are a lot of good memories of that day (and the days/months leading up to that day) and I don't have to discount those happy memories just because things ended with sadness. Everything that I have experienced in my life (good or bad, happy or sad, joy or sorrow...) has led me to the point I am currently and has shaped who I am becoming.

I know that I haven't reached my destination as of yet and my steps may be shaky along the way but all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. There are times where it will be steps forward or steps back but movement is movement. I am also trying to realize that all of the things that have happened (and will continue to happen) in my life are making me who I am becoming. I have been reminded that God didn't always promise things would be perfect in our lives because without the rain you can't appreciate the sunshine or have a rainbow.

I am going to try to remember that tomorrow (since I have no idea how tomorrow will go) and in the upcoming weeks. I have to remember to just "keep swimming" and that "there is a joy in the journey."