Treat =)

Happy Halloween everyone! I didn't pass out any candy this year but I was able to share a special treat with friends this year. My friend and her husband welcomed their son into the world yesterday morning (the day before their two year anniversary; yes, they were married on Halloween). I got to go see the new addition to their family and got to hold the little guy for about an hour and a half before they all got to go home from the hospital. While I was holding him, I got 'adopted' into another family and became "auntie" again. =)

While holding my friend's new little baby, I decided while even though I don't have one of my own, I can appreciate and marvel at the new little life that has been brought into the world. It felt so nice to have the little guy in my arms even though I had to give him back to his parents. I guess until the time I have a baby of my own (if it's in God's plan for me), I will just have to cherish each moment I can hold someone else's baby. =)

There was something else that I decided yesterday. While two hours of belly dance class is a good thing, a third hour makes it so I had difficulty moving. I went to my usual two hours of class yesterday and then me and another lady are working on a troupe piece we are going to perform at an upcoming show. We are getting ready to turn the studio into a nightclub again and two of the women don't want to do a solo so I suggested that the three of us perform one of our troupe dances so they can experience getting out on stage in a smaller group. One of the women couldn't make it yesterday but the other woman and I worked on the piece. Before we knew it, we had been dancing around the studio (to the piece we are going to perform and just "playing" to other music) for an hour. After I got home, showered and finally sat down on the couch, I discovered that I couldn't move. =) Oh, well. That extra hour of dancing with be good for me in the long run (at least that's what I'm telling myself anyway).

This past week has taken some interesting twists and turns at work. I had to participate in parent/teacher conferences and tell all of the parents of the kids in my class that I am moving into another classroom. I will be moving from my classroom of fourteen 2 and 3-year olds into a class with twenty-four 3, 4, and 5-year olds. While I have been in a preschool classroom before, I have been with my little friends for a year so it will be an adjustment to go into a classroom of slightly older children and the "drama" that goes along with it.

So, with switching classrooms also comes having to get to know a new set of kids and their idiosyncrasies. It also means collecting all of my "stuff" from within the classroom I'm currently in and either transferring it to my new room or bringing it home. That's always a fun task. I like to take my materials into a room and it's always tricky trying to make sure that I collect it all when I leave. Oh, well. At least I know that even if I don't remove it all, it will be put to good use and (hopefully) benefit the kids.

I guess moving classrooms is just another aspect along my quest. I will be able to work with a new group of children and hopefully help prepare them for their future education. That is one of the reasons I work with kids anyway; is to help lay the cornerstones for their future educational goals/achievements. I do know that it will take some time transitioning into a new classroom of children (I have to get used to them and they have to get used to me and my teaching style) but I am up for the challenge.... Or at least I think I am.... I hope I am.... =)

This upcoming week, I will just be "visiting" the new room (an hour here, two hours there) and then the following week I officially be one of the teachers in that room. All that's left is telling my current classroom of kids what's going on. That's not going to be a fun thing to have to do. I should probably bring this to a close for tonight so I can prepare myself for the upcoming week. I will keep everyone posted about the classroom changes.... =)

??

What do I want?.....

This is a question that has been posed to me to ponder. I can't say that it has an easy answer. But if it had an easy answer, the question wouldn't be posed to someone on a quest. There are things that I definitely want out of life but I don't know at this point what is/isn't a reality or in the cards for me.

• I would love to become a trainer of teachers (I think that I could do a good job passing my knowledge on to other educators) or an assistant director of a child care facility (in my opinion, director wouldn't be for me because in my experience, I wouldn't ever get to spend time with the kids in the center, I'd be too busy doing paperwork and other administrative duties).
• I would also love to get married again and to have kids of my own (not just have the kids that I work with).
• I would like to live closer to family (if it would be possible based on a job - I know that everyone has become hard-hit by the goings on in the economy but I would like a better paying job possibly in a different location).
• I would also enjoy going back to school to work on my Master's degree.
• And, last but not least, continue to belly dance.

Maybe I'm being a little greedy but I don't believe that I am. I have had a lot of things that have brought me down in the last two years and I am trying to find ways to continue to come back from that better than ever.

Part of my problem is I am concerned with what others want for my life. There was a point in my life where I didn't really care what others wanted - I was only focused on myself. From what I remember of that point in my life (I was a teenager - - and was self-absorbed as most teenagers are), I wasn't necessarily happy. So, since then, I have tried to find happiness in making others happy. Because of wanting to please others, I have often put on hold my own wants/needs/desires.

I'm not saying that there is something wrong with wanting to please others because I actually still have a strong desire to want to please others. I just have to learn when it's important to my own sanity/well-being to focus on myself first. For me, at least, it's kind of odd to have that as an option. I don't want to disappoint anyone, however, I need to also focus on what I feel I need to do.

A friend of mine reminded me of a song this past week and I have been listening to it pretty much ever since. The song is "Stand" by Rascal Flatts.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh

[Repeat Chorus]

When I feel like things are falling apart, I think I just need to remind myself to listen to this song... If I figure anything out between now and next week, I will be sure to include it in my post next week.

P.S. If you haven't seen the movie Gypsy (and you would like to understand about the cow on my blog), it will be on TCM this coming Thursday (check your local listing). =)

Weekend? What weekend?

Where did the weekend go? I'm sitting here wondering why I feel like I didn't have a weekend and then I think back to everything that I had going on... Yesterday, I went to dance class and then had to work for an event (the hours were long but the overtime will be nice). Then, today I sang a solo at church this morning and had a dance solo tonight. Plus in-between all of that insanity, I decided to work on a costume piece for my performance tonight. Let me go back a little bit...

Yesterday in dance class, my instructor was wearing pants that were really neat. After class, I looked at them a little closer and said, "Oh, I think I can make those!" So, I went and bought myself some black workout pants, cut a 1-foot slit from the ankle up and then cut three circles along the outer thigh. I then had to hem the slit (by machine) and the circles (by hand). After that, I used rhinestones to make diamond patterns above and below each of the circles. Since I had to work last night, I was in a bit of a time crunch but I did get them done at about 2 AM. I think they turned out pretty cool and people at the performance tonight said they couldn't believe that I made them and that I didn't buy them. =)

Another dance instructor in the area had put together a show at a restaurant approximately 45 minutes from here and four people from my troupe performed in the show -- 2 of us performed solos and 2 worked together on a duet. For some reason, I was extremely nervous before my dance solo tonight. I don't know if it was a difference in venue or what but I was nervous. It was a fun show (it was a Halloween theme so my song, "I Put a Spell on You" fit in perfectly), I just had to work through the nerves.

I was third in the line up and someone told me after the show that my performance, even though I was third, set the energy for the entire show. I was off-stage before I performed and didn't really get to see what was going on before my time to dance. So, to hear from someone who watched those before me and then my performance, that I helped to set the energy for the show really helped make me feel good. =)

When I was talking to my parent's earlier today (before my performance), I was telling them that sometimes people will tip the belly dancers as they come off stage. Dad made the comment that he couldn't wait to tell people at work that his daughter dances for money and that Mom makes the costumes in order for me to perform. I laughed and said if he was going to tell people that, he should also tell people that they (Mom and Dad) bought me my first set of lessons for my birthday last year. =) It was just a really funny conversation. Don't worry, belly dance is NOT stripping - - not even close. Maybe part of what made it so funny is it that it was coming from my parents. ;)

Oh, not weekend related but something that happened this past week is I had my job interview and I think it went really well. I'm not sure if/when I'm going to hear anything about it but I am still kind of hopeful for the potential opportunity. I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

Well, because I didn't really have a weekend, I think I need to head to bed before it gets too much later so I can rest up for the week ahead...

Transitions......

So I survived the big 3-0 birthday and want to know why I didn't get my copy of the "I now have insider information to life" booklet..... Okay, so I wasn't really expecting a booklet explaining the mysteries of the adult universe, but a girl can dream... ;)

One of the things that I did notice about turning 30 is my world didn't fall apart (which is a good thing). I also noticed that I don't necessarily have any more input than I did when I was 29 either. But I did get a good piece of advice for my birthday, "who says life has to end at 30?! You can make this the BEST time of your life yet!!" I hope to....

Something else I noticed, I noticed a few days after my birthday - - the indent on my left ring finger caused by my wedding band is no longer visible. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I mean, it is yet another outward symbol of me moving on (and it's been almost two years since the wasband left) but I guess I had just gotten used to the indent being on my finger.

I guess these new discoveries lead me to a new/different/scary transition point in my life. There are times I feel as if I've had so many transitions in the past 23 months that I am just like a snowflake or a raindrop twisting and twirling in the wind or a wave being tossed about by the ocean. I guess it's time for me to try and take hold of my life rather than just leaving it all up to fate.

Like I said last week, I don't want to fight anymore... Yes, I have a "spirit" to me that I don't want to diminish but it gets so tiring fighting life all of the time. Maybe being so tired comes from fighting decisions that I have been faced with lately that may lead me down a different path in life. I have another potential opportunity this coming week (another job interview) that I am interested in but wary as well. I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case it falls through, but this opportunity would open up other doors/opportunities for me as well (more money would allow for me to go back to school and have a slightly bigger apartment than the one I have now; it would also allow for me to grow professionally). I guess all I can do is interview my best and go from there...

Yes, that may sound like I am just leaving things up to fate but when it comes to interviewing there is only just so much that I could do. I can answer the questions to the best of my capabilities and then the decision making process really does leave my control. Just have to wait and see...

Maybe I need to apply one of the songs we use during transition time in my classroom (we use this particular song during clean-up time which is pretty apparent...). The song lyrics are "Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody, everywhere! Clean-up! Clean-up! Everybody do your share!" I guess it's time to roll up my sleeves and clean-up some of the more "dirty" corners of my life. Time to plug in the iPod, since I don't have my own eight-track player, (we used Dad's old eight-track tapes to clean to growing up - and yes, they were old then) and clean in time to the music.

On a more positive note, I have a belly dance solo that I will be working on this upcoming week for a performance a week from today. It is a show that is being performed at a restaurant and the theme of the show is Halloween (so "my" song, I Put a Spell on You is ironically appropriate). =)

I will let my readers know how the cleaning goes and how the performance goes next time. =)

As if I didn't have enough to worry about....

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, I was told today by my landlord that there have been several break-ins in the neighborhood over the last couple of months. I don't have a lot of valuable stuff but I don't need what little stuff I do have to disappear.... Now, if they want to take some of my random stuff in storage boxes, that would be one thing, but I don't think they would stop at just that....

Hopefully, I won't have to worry about any of that and if they do choose to target my area, my little bundles of fur (the doggies) will scare them off. Even though my pups are small, they think they are big dogs and they have pretty loud barks if provoked. Plus, if mine start barking, there are three big dogs upstairs and I have a feeling they would start barking as well. I guess I will just have to start being even more careful....

It's sad that this is something that we have to face in the world today. I know that times are tough for almost everyone these days, but the fact that people steal from others is a shame. We all try to work as hard as we can for what we have and then there is the fear that someone could just come along and take it all away. In my opinion, that's just really sad.

Something that did make me feel better today was a long-distance phone hug. I'm not going to say who gave it to me (cough-cough, Dad, cough-cough), but it made me feel better. Even just the thought of a big bear hug from Dad, helped make me feel better. It's sad at times to think that I haven't seen my family (other than my one brother coming out to visit in July) in almost a year. Growing up, I thought that what I really wanted was to be on my own away from my family. Now, I'm realizing while I may not want to be exactly where they are (because it's very difficult to find a job there right now), I would like to be closer to them.

Maybe that's one of the things that makes being a grown-up so interesting.... Things that you thought were important aren't necessarily; and things that weren't so important before, can become important. Growing up is never easy, but it makes it easier when you have the love/support of your family. That is something I have realized being so far away from family, on my own. While I have friends, family is different; at least in my opinion. Maybe one day I will be closer to them.

Life is every growing and changing and I can either choose to go along with it or fight it... I don't want to fight it anymore.... I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't want to fight things I can't necessarily change on my own.