too much...

On Friday this past week at work that I needed to shut my door; not only to get my work accomplished but to shut myself in.  As I closed the door to my office, in my head I visualized the saying "my alone time is sometimes for your safety."  I started my day by thinking I was going to do something nice by buying donuts for my staff.  One of my staff actually asked me what the catch was when they saw the boxes of donuts in the staff room.  Really?!  Can't I just do something nice?  I wanted to tell them, if you don't want the donuts, don't eat the donuts...

This weekend wasn't much of a weekend for me (luckily I didn't have to work the shift I was supposed to yesterday) and I'm not looking forward to facing work this week.  It is the start of our fiscal year so we have to wrap everything up and prepare for the year ahead so it's going to be crazy.  I think the fact that I haven't been sleeping well has made my attitude plummet and that makes me retreat into myself even further.  One of these days something has got to give - I either need to figure out how to de-stress or sleep or something or I'm going to end up losing it...

It would probably be helpful if I knew I had a day off in my future.  Next weekend is a long weekend but I have to work on Saturday (and it's looking like it's going to be a full day) and then we're going into a week of work where the kids are out of school.  There are times I really wish that I was better with saying, "I have put in my time, I'm going home" or "I have put in enough hours for me to take the day off, so that's what I'm going to do."  Right now, we're short staffed and I feel compelled to pick up the slack.  I know that I come by this compulsion honestly since my entire family is the same way; when I was talking to my Mom today, she told me that one of my brothers is struggling to find time to eat lunch on a regular basis at work - my response, "Yeah, and?"  She was not overly surprised by my answer and she responded with acknowledging that we're (my siblings and I) all the same and have inherited it honestly (both my parents are the same way).

I just heard something that caught my attention, "You don't need to drive yourself crazy in order to be productive."  I should consider having that on a plaque in my office at work in the hopes that one day I'll be able to believe it.  I don't know if I fully believe it yet but I will work on overcoming my compulsion to work how I do.

I keep saying that I need to do things for me and I unfortunately haven't done so yet.  Hopefully I'll at least take a little bit of time for myself this weekend since my birthday is this week and I'll be spending the day at work and at choir practice.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'm hoping that it will be spectacular.

On that note, my dear readers, I am going to bring this to a close and see if I can't come up with some sort of a plan (even if my plan involves me telling myself that I'm not allowed to plan and I need to spend time doing things for me that are spontaneous).  Thank you for joining me and I hope you are able to do something for you!  =)