I had one of the kids at work this week ask me why I was being cranky. I didn't give them the actual reason (even though I wanted to) - I just told them that I was sleepy. The actual reason is I'm sleepy because I'm not sleeping due to stress and working too many hours that has become my norm (this past work I put in approximately 72 hours of work this week - and I get paid for 40). So I'm also cranky because I'm realizing I'm either being taken advantage of by my boss and that's why I'm working so many hours or I'm really, really bad at my job and I can't figure out how to accomplish everything in a 40 hour work week; or maybe it's a combination of the two...
There are times where I definitely question my sanity in not standing up for myself and saying "no" to anything beyond a 5 day/40 hour work week. Like I said, last week, I worked approximately 72 hours over 6 days and heading into this week doesn't look to be much different (other than I may get out of working a few of those Saturday hours because we have a dance performance and I'll have to get ready and head out of town for it). I am hoping to be granted some time off before the end of the year but that hasn't been signed off on yet. One of my bargaining chips (which I thankfully discovered today) is I'm getting close to having "use or lose leave" and after all of the extras I have done for work, I am not willing to lose a single hour.
I know that I'm not sleeping because I can't find a way to turn my brain off at night and then when I do sleep, I've been having some weird trippy dreams. It's strange; some of the best sleep I've had over the past couple of weeks have been the couple of naps I've taken on my couch while sitting straight up with my head flopped back on the back of the couch. Yes, I wake up with a crick in my neck but I actually feel rested. I'm sure that means that one of these days I probably need a new mattress but I hate mattress shopping...
I came across a song this past week and one of the lines from it has stuck in my head: "I'm tortured every day by these never-ending worries." I don't know if I need to do a better job at writing down my to-do list before going to bed at night so I'm not thinking about it when I should be sleeping. I don't know if that would help or not but it might be worth giving it a try in order to get some sleep at night. I have a tendency to overthink the things I did during the day to analyze if I did a good enough job accomplishing them or not and then think about the things I didn't accomplish that I should have. There are times I think it would be fascinating to be see what's going on in my brain and there are other times that even the thought of that completely freaks me out...
Well my dear readers, I have given myself some things to think about and I should probably bring this to a close for the evening. On the plus side, this past week, I had someone tell me that they love my personal style and they can't wait to see what I'm wearing - I thought that was pretty cool. I hope you can find ways to embrace your own personal styles this week and if you are dysfunctional, be dysfunctionally you because I'll be dysfunctionally me. Thanks for joining me! =)
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