Touch

I'm not exactly sure what happened but this past week, I looked in the mirror one morning after I woke up and I saw someone old looking back at me.  I don't know if my birthday from last week is catching up to me, if the hours at work are now taking their toll on me physically (as they already have taken an mental/psychological toll on me) or if it's a combination of things; but I feel as if I look old all of a sudden.  Something for me to work through...

This past week at work, the kids were out of school so we had them all day, everyday.  Some of the kids decided that they needed to decorate the building for Halloween and we let them go with it.  There are now spiderwebs everywhere, pipe cleaner spiders, hand drawn witches/bats/vampires/ware wolves/goblins all over, and they even made a graveyard filled with tombstones with some of their names and the names of staff members.  It was kind of fun to see their thought process through it all but when they started to make tombstones for the staff it made me wonder, "what did we do to you guys?!"  On the tombstones, most people they had written their name and how old they were; on mine, they wrote my name and I "lived a happy life" but no age - I guess they didn't want to write that I was 112 (that was what I told them last week when they asked how old I turned on my birthday).

Out of nowhere, I also got a call from another center asking if two of their staff could visit my site for some accreditation assistance.  I didn't mind helping them out but one of the things that they tried to ask if they could just copy all of the work that I had done in order to use as their own.  Um.... no....  I don't mind helping out but I am not for just copying someone else's work.  Having them come to talk about their struggles did make me want to help them but it also made me feel as if I was being forced to do "group work" like from school which absolutely makes me cringe.

Along with having the kids for full days this past week and having our visitors, we also had a staff meeting on Tuesday night.  We had it off site (which was a first for us) and along with the meeting, we had a "celebration" for all of our hard work during our inspection.  The boss had worked with another department to supply appetizers for during the meeting; I didn't think they looked appealing (there were deep fried artichoke hearts which I don't care for at all and what looked to be over-cooked quesadillas) so I didn't eat anything.  Since I chose not to partake, I had several people ask me what was wrong and why I wasn't eating - I even had a couple of people ask me if I needed a hug...

Now, if you're new to reading, I'm not overly a touchy/feely person and I don't feel comfortable hugging just anyone - I actually tense up.  I've had people question me about it since I get uncomfortable hugging most adults but I don't mind hugging kids - I think it boils down to questioning the motives behind the hug...  Kids hugs are pure in my opinion and because I have trust issues with most adults, I question if a hug is a hug or if they are looking for a place to stab me in the back.  That may be a sick and twisted way to look at a hug but that's how I feel about them; I really have to feel comfortable with or trust the person that I'm receiving a hug from and that's one of the reasons I tense up.  This was actually one of the things that came up in the personality/management training I participated in a couple of months ago - don't touch me or my things and we'll be fine.

Well, my dear readers, I am going to bring this to a close for tonight.  I have given myself some things to think about and I also need to get ready for the week ahead.  I hope you have opportunities for your own muchness as we go into the week and that you do things for you.  =)