I broke down...

Well, I broke down and did something this past week that I don't usually do unless forced -- I took myself to the doctor.  I've been sick for some time now and I've finally decided that enough is enough.  I haven't had heath insurance for very long so I don't have a primary care physician and I ended up going to an urgent care center.  I got there right as they opened because I really didn't want to wait and I also was trying to be aware of not exposing too many other people to whatever I had.  I wrote down my symptoms (plugged sinuses, coughing junk up, long coughing spells that left me short of breath, etc) and they finally called me back.

Of course the first thing they did was ask me to stand on the scale (ugh....) and then the nurse felt the need to comment on the number that popped up (gee, thanks).  Then came the next dreaded step of taking my blood pressure (which I knew also wouldn't go well since I knew it would read high due to my anxiety of being at the doctor and having my weight judged) and the nurse commented on that as well.  She had me then sit in the small little room while she went to get the doctor.  He felt the need to comment on the weight and blood pressure too before asking me about why I came in.  I told him my symptoms and he listened to my chest and determined that I had an "acute upper respiratory infection."  Yuck.  Three prescriptions later and lots and lots of sleep, I have been feeling some better.  We'll see how I hold up tomorrow since I have to head back into work so I won't be able to just sleep whenever I want...

One of the things I've realized this weekend after being sick is I really need to start finding a way to make myself a priority.  If I would have been honest with myself and really listened to my body, I probably wouldn't have found myself sitting in the doctor's office Friday morning.  Granted, I realized by going to the doctor my world didn't fall apart, work survived without me being there super early and it didn't cost me a million dollars (it's kind of nice to have insurance that covers the visit and the prescription meds too).  I know that I've written about this concept before about working to put myself more of a priority but I haven't exactly figured out how to do that yet.  If anyone has any suggestions, I would be very open to hear about them!

After thinking about what the nurse and doctor said logically (even though it upset me in the moment and for several other moments since), I know that I need to do something to get my weight back on track.  Being sick on/off for over a month has not helped things at all.  I have had zero energy to do anything other than to drag myself to work (and work 10-12 hour days), back home, to the dance studio 2-3 days a week, choir practice and everything else.  I haven't honestly had the energy to do the things that I felt that I had to do let alone work out.  One of the things I decided to do to get myself back on track is I got one of those wrist activity trackers.  It's one that you're supposed to wear all the time and it will tell you how many steps you take each day and all that good stuff.  Hopefully it will help get me motivated but only time will tell...

I just caught myself doing something that I keep saying I'm going to stop...  I was chatting with a good friend of mine and found myself actually apologizing to her because of the things that I believe and hold dear to myself.  Why in the world do I feel the need to do that?  I don't understand why I don't feel as if my thoughts/feelings/beliefs are as important as those of others.  It's definitely something that I want to focus on in the near future....

Well, my dear readers, I just took another dose of my medications and I can feel the side effect of drowsiness kicking in big time.  I should probably bring this to a close before I fall asleep (once again) at the computer...  I hope you have an amazing week ahead and I will try really hard to work on the things that I've written about tonight and will report back next week.  =)