For the last number of year's, Mother's Day has been bittersweet for me. Don't get me wrong, I wish my Mom a Happy Mother's Day each year, but it has been bittersweet because I have wanted to be a Mom myself. My wasband and I wanted children, it just wasn't in the cards for us (and with how things ended up between us, I am thankful that we didn't have children). As I've been thinking about it this year, I realized that I am a mom - - just a different kind of Mom.... I feel as if "Mom" with a capital "M" is a title you earn when you enter the realm of Motherhood (a title that is well earned/deserved when you go through childbirth or the adoption process). Whereas, "mom" with a lowercase "m" is a title you can give yourself based on the situation.....
I have two "furry babies" (my dogs) and that makes me their "mom." I am a type of surrogate mom daily for the children in my class. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE one day to have actual children of my own, but at least for now, that dream has been put on hold. Like I said, I wanted desperately to have children with my wasband. When we had difficulty with that, we even saw a specialist - which was a difficult situation for me - and the results of all of that testing was there was no reason we couldn't have children. I know now that there was a reason why we couldn't conceive. It just would have made the entire divorce that much more devastating (and in my opinion, it was devastating enough.....).
I know that lots of people choose to have children on their own or they adopt. Those are both possibilities that I have considered, but for now, I would like to think that there might be a guy out there for me to have a family with. Even if we would end up adopting, I think, for me, I would rather have a "daddy" for any children that I would have. Who knows, I might change my thinking one day, but for now, that is my thoughts on that....
Well, as promised, I will fill you in on the belly dance performances from the last two days. On Friday night, my group and another group performed in a coffee house (which was really odd in my opinion but it ended up being lots of fun!). I got there early because I wasn't sure where I was going and I didn't know what traffic was going to be like. I thought I was in the right place but then started to get nervous because I found a parking spot right across the street from the coffee house and then when I got inside I was the first belly dancer there...... Not a good feeling for someone who doesn't necessarily like to stand out....
Since I didn't have time to eat anything between work, getting ready and rushing to the performance, I decided to order a fruit smoothie to keep my blood sugar up (I decided to order a cherry smoothie and it was SUPER yummy!!). While I was sitting there drinking my smoothie (I was very glad that I had decided to grab a long cardigan sweater before leaving the house) someone from my studio showed up so I then knew for sure I was in the correct place. The troupe from my studio and a troupe from another studio performed that night and we had a really good time!
Then, yesterday, we performed at an outdoor festival and let me tell you, I will NEVER make the mistake of thinking, "oh, we'll just be outside for a little bit...." again! When you are wearing a belly dance costume, there is skin exposed to the sun that isn't typically exposed. Luckily, I didn't burn the skin on my stomach (I can only imagine how much that would hurt!!) but I did burn the top of my chest. Not too bad of a burn, but just enough to be slightly annoying. This coming Saturday we are performing at another outdoor festival and I have already put a thing of sunscreen in my belly dance bag.
Well, it is time to bring yet another post to a close so I can work on my lesson plan for this upcoming week. Happy Mother's Day again to all of the Moms and moms out there!! =)
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