Another Chapter Closed...

Well, this last week has closed yet another chapter in the book The End of Things with the Wasband. The last piece of furniture was sold and the lease to the storage unit was terminated. Knowing that one more chapter has been closed is bittersweet. I know that it really is over and that's not going to change so I don't know why this is affecting me.... Just one more part of the grieving process, I guess.

Something else that has been affecting me is I'm trying to be happy for my two brothers but I'm having some difficulty with that... My youngest brother has been promoted at work and he and his wife just bought (and closed on) a house. My other brother, is moving into the house next door to my parents. While I am excited for both of my brothers, it also makes me feel like a bit of a loser... I am the only one of my siblings to not live in my "own" place and the only one not around family.

I know that I have been successful in my own right, but looking at what they are accomplishing in a short time is kind of difficult for me. Maybe part of it comes from feeling like my "plate" is overflowing at the moment. Between family, one more chapter with the wasband closing, things at work, my friend moving, it's caused some restless nights and therefore makes some things seem more unmanageable.

I know that it's all a matter of perspective but perspective sometimes is all you have. Especially when you're alone. I know that I have my friends and my family is practically on speed dial =) but things can get awfully lonely in the middle of the night. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I write. Writing gives me the opportunity to not feel so alone since I don't know the number of people out there who read this.

One of the things I want to challenge myself to work on is asking for things I feel I "deserve." If I go above and beyond, ask for something to compensate for my efforts (even if it's just something small). Part of having difficulty with this comes from not wanting to draw attention to myself I think. Up until now, I have wanted to blend into the shadows. No, I have wanted to disappear into the shadows...

When you have issues with how you see your own reflection, you want to blend into the shadows and not draw attention to yourself (at least that's how I have felt). I even would buy clothes that were too big to hide my size.... Now that I have been losing weight, the clothes are even bigger so I look like I'm wearing a parachute. So, now what seemed like my bright idea of the moment, is causing issues now. I guess I will just have to continue to watch for sales and replace items of clothing one at a time (in the right size this time - - no matter what that size needs to be).

Well, this week brings two belly dance performances and a new week in the classroom so I should probably bring this to a close to write this week's lesson plan. Have a great week and I will be sure to write about how the performances go. =)