Life among boxes....

Let me tell you - life among boxes is NOT fun at all! I can't believe it's only been a week since I moved into my "interim" apartment (the one I'm in until I make the BIG move for my new job). Looking at all of the tote boxes and random other boxes is making me feel as if I'm living in a warehouse and not an apartment. I mean, I know it's all of my stuff in the boxes (and I know that I probably have WAY too much stuff) but it's a bummer because if I unpack any of it, I just have to repack it when I move again. It's just hard to make any place truly feel like home when you can't unpack...

Granted, I know that I could unpack some things to make this place feel more like home but I really don't want to have to pack it all again... Maybe I would feel better if I knew when I was going to make the BIG move (still waiting for them to tell me when my start date is going to be) so I had it to look forward too. It's hard to really look forward to something when you know it's going to happen "at some point" in the future.

I know, I know. Some people (especially people where I work now and where I go to church) would tell me just to tell my new job that I've reconsidered and then I could stay here and unpack. While part of me says that sounds pretty good about now (because I could unpack and put the tote boxes into storage and not have to look at them anymore), I feel as if I would be missing out on a big opportunity for me to find out who "me" is...

Yes, finding "me" is a prospect that I find pretty nerve-racking (since, other than the past almost 10 months, I've been able to define "me" as my "wasbands" spouse for five years). Before that, I was the college student studying to be a teacher (something that I have wanted to be since I was in Kindergarten myself but am now considering going back to school for something different). Before that I defined myself as the second child in my family (sandwiched between my sister and two brothers).

I've always thought that I've done a good job just "blending in" whether in school or in my family; so the thought of trying to stand out (and strike out on my own) is absolutely terrifying. I've never been overly comfortable in the spotlight and have always been one to encourage other people to be in the spotlight (while I am the support from the sidelines). Yes, I have found myself in the spotlight at more than one point in my life but I don't always know what to do with that light and I often find it to be blinding. But that's for another day...

But back to the boxes.... Even though moving in a new direction terrifies me, it means that I can get to where I'm going and unpack all of these stupid tote boxes! It is yet to be determined if it's going to be 100% worth it but I think it's at least going to be close. :)

Living out of boxes makes it annoying because everything you want becomes a calculated decision of if it's worth it to have to dig in a tote box for... Even when it comes to reading a book or watching a movie (both vices for me) - I have to find the tote, dig around for what I want and then put everything else back in the tote before sitting down to read or watch the movie. It's annoying. I'd rather just go to the bookshelf or the DVD rack and pull out what I want to read/watch... Oh, well. I know that will one day be the case again, I just wish I knew WHEN!

In an attempt to calm down, I think I am going to dig through my tote box of DVD's and find one to watch. Hopefully it will help... Probably not since I have to dig through the box to find a movie to watch.... *Sigh* I'll just have to keep telling myself that maybe in a month or so I can actually go to a DVD rack to pull out a movie and not have to dig in a tote box.... That would be nice; but for tonight, I dig.....