Inner nerd

The inspection is over and we have our preliminary results - we didn't do as well as I wanted us to but we did better than last year so I'll take the 86% we received (got an 82% last year).  My boss isn't thrilled with the results but as people in the management field have pointed out to me, a 4% increase in a year is a pretty big deal.  Based on the results, there are definite improvements that need to be made but I'm confident that we can take care of them - I just need to get my staff to see that.  In getting my staff's assistance, I have to work on how the message is presented because I had a conversation with one of my staff this last week where they informed me that the bulk of the staff is scared of me/afraid to come to me with things.  I had a heart-to-heart with my parents about this (thanks!) an they suggested I look into management classes of some sort or seeing what books I can find on the topic.  I found a book online, ordered it and it should be delivered tomorrow so hopefully that will help...

There may be some validity to the statement but it's hard to not take it personally.  I just find it difficult to turn emotions on/off and make it sound sincere to say those "manager phrases" (i.e. "What I hear you saying is...") and dropping everything (no matter what I'm in the middle of) if they need something.  I know that helping the staff is part of my job but my other responsibilities don't stop just because they need something and I also won't be able to give them exactly what they need 100% of the time.  All I can do is keep trying and moving forward...

It's difficult for me to focus on the good things I've accomplished in the past year when this has now surfaced.  I had been excited to hear some of what one of the inspector was saying since he was one that inspected us last year too and he commented on the positive changes he's seen since he was here a year ago.  But since I tend to be a perfectionist, I am now only focusing on discovering that the staff are scared of me and that's difficult for me to hear since I thought I had been making progress.  There's always more progress to be made and there is always room for reflection/growth...

I think I might not be so hard on myself if I felt as if I had more knowledge of what was expected of me in terms of being a manager.  Don't get me wrong, I would still be a perfectionist but I would at least have more knowledge.  I'm hoping that the book that I ordered will assist with some of this.  When I've tried asking those in the other building in management about assistance, I've been met with how long they've been managers and how they just had to glean the information for themselves.  As someone who went to college to be an elementary school teacher, I do understand the importance of learning information for yourself but there is also a time and place to have someone point you towards the information you seek.

Maybe I just need to fall back on a saying that I came across - "embrace the chaos; life might astonish you."  I have definitely felt as if life has been a little (or a lot) chaotic lately so this saying just might help me.  Rather than fighting the chaos that life is presenting, I need to learn how to embrace it and in turn reduce my stress levels.  Maybe in reducing my stress levels, it will assist me in how I deal with the frustrations I sometimes face in dealing with my coworkers.  It all comes full circle!  =)

Well now that I've just had my epiphany, I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight.  Hopefully I will be able to use this bolt of lightning to my brain (epiphany) to my advantage this week and I also hope that my book is everything that I need for it to be in terms of work (it's a "for dummies" book so it should...).  Hmmm.... I just realized that I'm going back to my "nerd" routes since I'm putting this much emphasis on having a book help me out...  Oh, well; I'll embrace my inner nerd (and this nerd will hopefully show a little muchness too!).  Have a good week, my dear readers!  =)