on/off switch

There are nights like last night and days like today that I wish my brain had an on/off switch.  I wasn't able to fall asleep until after midnight and then I was plagued with some pretty disturbing dreams.  One of the reasons I had difficulty falling asleep is the troupe had a gig today and I wasn't really looking forward to it.  Don't get me wrong - Mom had made me a beautiful costume (the troupe had decided to wear one we haven't worn in some time and the one she made for me looks like it's made out of liquid gold) but I really am not a fan of how it fits my body type.  Granted, it probably doesn't help that I really am unhappy with my current body type and I know it is what it is because of stress levels.

I failed again at leaving work when I was "supposed" to this week and ended up working 12 hour days 4 out of 5 of the work week (I left about 4:30 on Monday).  I know that I really need to do a better job of just walking away from the building when my work day is done.  I haven't figured out quite yet how to just leave the work day behind and know that it will be there when I get to the building the next day.  I even set an alarm to go off to signal my end of day and found reasons to ignore it every single time.  Granted, I know that I'm the boss and some days I'm going to have to put in more than an 8 hour work day - but doing it almost every single day for the last eight weeks....  Enough is enough.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - I mentally, physically and emotionally cannot continue along this path.

Luckily this upcoming week should be the end of these long hours but that doesn't necessarily help me figure out how to eliminate the stress from my life.  I know that most people would say to just go out and get a massage but I have only ever had one and I didn't like it (the masseuse kept yelling at me to relax every two minutes and that was making me tense up even more and they finally gave up on me).  I unfortunately have been one that turns to food when I'm stressed and I know that definitely needs to change.  That stress eating is making me not happy with what I see in the mirror which is making me even more stressed.  These are not good feelings overall...  I know that I have brought all of this on myself and I do own that - now I just have to take measures to change it.  Once I figure out what those changes are...

I know that this week's post is short but I think I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight, try to relax a little before going to bed and hopefully get some sleep before going into work tomorrow.  I already know that tomorrow I'm going to be slightly short staffed as well as having to entertain at some point in the afternoon some of the "higher ups" who are coming for a building/program tour.  I just have to remember to take things one at a time and do the best that I can at any given moment.  But for now, I'm going to switch the brain switch to off...