What will your verse be?

When I heard the sad news this past week of the passing of Robin Williams, I began to think of some of my favorite movies where he was one of the characters.  The movie that kept coming to my mind was "Dead Poets Society."  I always found the story inspiring -- a teacher who connected with his students on such a level that they stood up to the administration when he was let go.  He also taught them how to reach down inside themselves to show the world who they truly were (even when it scared them to death).  One of the lines that stuck with me is where Mr. Keeting (Robin Williams character) is taking to the class about poetry and he quotes the Walt Whitman poem "O me!  O life!" and then asks them a question -  that you are here - that life exists and identity, that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.... what will your verse be?

What do I want my verse to be?  I'm not necessarily looking at it as what legacy do I want to leave behind but how do I want people to think of me in the here and now?  Do I want them to see me as the person who just fades away or someone who doesn't care what other people think of them and I just decide to be me?  I think I'm going to be me.

This past weekend, I decided to have my eyes checked (something that I've been thinking I need to do for a little bit now) and I bought new glasses.  I found a pair I liked on-line, made the appointment, made sure they had the frames I wanted and I went.  As soon as I saw the frames and tried them on, I was done.  I'm usually the one who has to try on every pair of glasses on the wall before deciding on a pair of frames and this time I decided in 2.5 seconds.  I love them and the only thing I'm sad about is I have to wait on getting them because they needed to order my lenses.  The glasses that I ordered are black with white polkadots all over them and they are so much fun!  Something the eye doctor recommended for me because I do so much computer work these days and my prescription is mostly for distance that I might want to consider progressive lenses that have my distance prescription at the top and a computer distance prescription towards the bottom.  Because I don't really want to think about having progressive lenses yet (I'm only 33), I bought a second pair of glasses for computer work.  My second pair is purple tortoiseshell and they're lots of fun too.  I don't really mind the thought of having another pair of glasses for while I'm working on the computer and I can basically just leave them on my desk at work since that's where I'll mostly be using them.  I'm just glad I didn't go boring with either pair.

A few weeks ago, I might have been tempted to buy a boring pair (or two) of glasses because for whatever reason, I took down my freak flag, folded it up, put it in a box and tucked the box away.  Why I did that, I have no clue.  What's important though is I've decided to unearth the box, unfurl my flag and fly it proudly again.  Now, those of you who might be unfamiliar with my concept of a freak flag (and there are different versions of them out there), it's being yourself no matter what; finding something about yourself that you don't change out of fear of what others may think/say.  Mom actually gave me an interesting thought today along these lines...  So many times, other people feel as if they have a vote or a say in our lives.  Rather than giving into those votes, why not tell them their vote has been noted as a "no" vote but I get to have the ultimate decision making power in my life.

Maybe one of the reasons I'm feeling feisty/rebellious is I had a dream this past week that left me shaken and I woke up in a cold sweat...  I was in an airport, headed somewhere and my ex-husband approached me.  He was wearing adult footie pajamas (think little kid one-piece pajamas with the butt-flap) and he begged me to forgive him so he could move on with his life.  I walked away from him and got on a plane.  Weird, huh?  When I woke up, I didn't really feel anything for him - not pity, not anger, no feelings for wanting him back (there is NO WAY I want him back)...  The only thing I felt was confusion for why I dreamed about him.  Friends/family have asked me if I've tried to interpret the dream at all (him being in the pajamas show that how he left was infantile; me getting on a plane is showing my readiness to move on....) but I've tried not to dwell on it too much honestly.  I've tried to close that chapter in my life and I don't want to go back there...

I know that the past helps to form who we are but I want to look towards what my future may hold and I want to determine what verse I will contribute.  I'm going to bring this to a close for tonight and think on it before going to bed.  I hope you have the opportunity to do something for yourselves this week my dear readers and that you can find ways to be you...  =)  Carpe diem (also from Dead Poets Society)