Melted candle

Well, my dear readers, I need to start this week with a confession...  Remember how I wrote last week about taking the opportunity to work 8 hour days this past week vs. 12 hour days?  Yeah, that didn't happen.  I ended up working three 8 hour days, one 13 hour day and one day that was just over 14 hours (this was the day of the staff meeting and I was actually able to leave for a grand total of 20 minutes to run to the apartment, let the dogs out, and then get back to work).  Needless to say, I'm exhausted.  Someone told me this week (one of the parents of a child in the program) that I am burning the candle at both ends and I think I had a pretty good response - I told her that I felt as if my whole candle was melting and not just from it having wicks at both ends.  That's not something I feel particularly proud of but it's honestly how I'm feeling.  This coming week I don't think I have any other option - I need to not put in yet another 60 hour work week.  I just can't.  I definitely need a new candle...

It's not that I have anything exciting to accomplish with the potential copious amounts of spare time but I have some things that I need to take care of.  I have laundry/dishes piling up and things around the apartment need to be straightened up.  But on the other hand, do I need to have things planned in order to work a "normal" workday?  I had it pointed out to me that I shouldn't feel as if I have to dedicate my entire life to work just because I'm the only one that doesn't have a "family."  I have let people for quite some time make me feel as if I'm the one who has to take on the extras because I don't have a family to come home to.  Mom jokingly suggested when I was taking to her today that maybe I need to invent a family to come home to so I don't always have to put in the extra time at work...  The possibility of that is an intriguing one.

One of the things that I've decided is because I'm working too much, my stress levels are astronomical, therefore I'm not eating/sleeping the way I should, and my weight is not at a place that I want it to be.  I know that I need to get back to a place where I can find the time to workout, plan better/healthier meals, and get to a place where I'm more okay with what I see when I look in the mirror.  Yes, I've talked before about being my own worst critic when it comes to my reflection but I don't feel as if right now I'm taking it too far.  I need to do something to get myself under control/healthy and I think I need to cut back on the stress in order to start and make that happen.

I did dig out the easy-to-use cookbooks that I was using but allowed to get buried under random things.  I know that just digging them out isn't the only answer - I actually need to use them as well.  I started looking at some of the recipes that I had bookmarked and I think I'm going to need to make a conscious effort to make some of the meals in the upcoming week.  I have never really enjoyed cooking and don't feel as if I am a very good cook.  Even though that's the case, I need to start making food for myself and stop just taking the easy way out in terms of food.  Luckily the recipes in the books are very simple so keep your fingers crossed for me in the upcoming weeks, please!

I've come to the realization that once again I'm attempting to be too many versions of me to too many different people and I'm losing bits and pieces of myself along the way.  Yes, I'm wearing my fun earrings/shoes to work but I felt this past week as if they just weren't enough.  That's probably the stress talking but I know that I need to find ways to get back to being me.  I don't exactly know what that's going to take but my heart/head tell me that I need to find a way to make it happen.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears!

Well, my dear readers, if I'm going to take the time to look for some recipes that jump out at me for the upcoming week I should probably bring this to a close.  Wish me luck in the week ahead that I'll be able to have one or more days at work that are 8 hour ones vs. 12 hour ones and I will let you know next week how that goes.  I hope that each and every one of you have a fabulous week and that you can show who you truly are!  It is also my hope that if you do find yourself burning your candle at both ends that you have a candle left by the end of the week and not just end up with a pile of wax.  =)