Swallowed whole...

There were some things that happened this past week that had me realizing what Jonah must have felt like...  I felt like something came along, swallowed me whole, and just forgot about me.  I'm not exactly sure what prompted me feeling that way but it did take me to a dark place for a couple of days.  I've been able to partially crawl my way out but I think I'm still stuck in the throat of the beast. I am working on finding my way out and I'm sure that I'll be able to in the end.

I think part of it stems from feeling as if some people have been either trying to suggest I become the person I used to be or the me that they would like me to become.  I had someone tell me this week that they feel as if I have become too outspoken (all I did was speak my mind in a situation I would have kept my mouth shut about a year or so ago).  I questioned telling them that I didn't realize I needed their permission to stand up for something I believed in but something stopped me from saying something.

Maybe part of why I have felt like something has swallowed me whole is because I feel as if people are questioning the 'me' I'm becoming (or am working on becoming).  Now that I'm starting to get in touch with this new 'me,' I kind of like who I'm becoming and I don't like that others are questioning it.  When others questions my choices, it makes me question those choices, makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel eaten.  I don't like that and don't want to stay in that place (or go there again).  I know that I'm the one that's ultimately responsible for my feelings and allowing people to walk all over me or not.  I am really going to work on that...

Last night I danced a new choreography at one of our studio "nightclub" shows.  It wasn't everything that I wanted it to be but I have the opportunity to dance it again this coming Saturday.  Because it's still new to me I'm not sure yet if I'm going to keep it in my dance repertoire or not but I am going to give it a shot for a couple of more performances at least.  The crowd seemed to enjoy it so that's a start!

As I've been sitting here, I've been seriously trying to come up with a way to make my way out of the beast that has swallowed me.  I think I have come up with a solution (even if it's a temporary one).  Tomorrow I have the day off of work so I am having an ocean adventure.  I have already decided that I'm going and have bought my ticket to head off on the water in search for whales/mermaids/any other sea creature I'm lucky enough to spot.  I can't believe it's been almost 6 months since I've been out to sea and I think that might be part of my problem.  I feel lost because I am a landlocked mermaid (Mom even bought me a book about it for my birthday!) and I haven't spent time in my natural environment for too long...  I hope my adventure helps free me.  I'll let you know come next week.

Alright, my dear readers, I'm going to bring this to a close for the evening since I have an adventure to prepare for tomorrow morning.  I hope you have the opportunity in the upcoming week to find your own mermaids and to let your freak flags fly!  =)