Courage

One of the things I remember my Dad telling me when I was little was that I could do anything or be anyone I wanted to be (maybe that's one of the reasons why I teach -- is because I can change who I am every day...).  I took what he told me to heart then and I still do.  When my Dad tells me that I can do something, it helps give me the confidence to know that I can.  I know that not everyone has been as lucky to have their Dad support them no matter what, but I have been one of those lucky ones.  My Dad has always been there for me to support me (even if/when he didn't necessarily agree with my decisions) and I have appreciated that more than I can ever tell him.  Even when my Dad couldn't be there in person because of work, I knew that I always had his support.  It was a comfort to know that he wished he could be there even if work called him away.  I love you, Daddy!

This past week, I took a "mental health day" from work (I took the day off from work) and I found myself at the beach.  Since it was the middle of the work week, the beach itself was pretty much deserted and I was able to walk the beach, climb rocks, explore tide pools and watch the waves crash upon the rocks and sand.  It was glorious!  I think I just might have to plan more of these kinds of days from work.  I mean, work survived, nothing major happened in my absence so it shows me that it is possible for things to go on when I'm not there.  Plus it was very good for me to take the day off of work.  I was able to go back to work refreshed and that's one of the things that was important to me.  The only downside to my "mental health day" was that it was over before I knew it...  Oh, well.  I guess that's what makes them all the more special when they get to happen.

With taking a "mental health day" I was hoping that it would allow me to work some on my muchness but I don't feel as if that happened.  Yes, I did take the day for myself and I had fun exploring at the beach but I also thought some about the things I "should've" been doing instead.  I don't like that feeling.  I need to learn how to give myself permission take things one at a time and if I don't get it done, I will find a different time/place to accomplish those tasks.  I think that's one of the most important things -- finding the way to grant myself that permission...  A task to work on...

I think in order to find that permission, I need to remember those things my Dad told me.  I get the chance to decide who/what I want to be.  I don't need to wait for someone else to tell me who that is because I get to decide it for myself.  I also don't have to decide today who I want to be and who I am doesn't have to be set in stone.  If/when I choose, I can change who I am and that's okay.  But the fact is I get to decide that for me.  I know that my family will be there for me (especially when I may stumble/fall/get lost along the way) and knowing that definitely helps.

One of the things I'm going to work on over the next week or so is finding the courage to be who I am inside and letting other people see that me.  I'm going to sign off for tonight in order to take an introspective look at things before going to bed tonight.  If you have any ideas, I would love to hear about it!!  Have a good week, my dear readers and I'll see you next week!  =)