Well, my dear readers, tomorrow I have to face yet another unknown on my life's quest and have to face appearing for jury duty. The summons appeared while I was on vacation (of course) and I will have to be there to report first thing tomorrow morning. I realize that it's my civic duty to report and to do my part in the justice system if it is asked of me.... However, because it is something that I haven't faced before and I'm not 100% sure where I'm going, I am very nervous about reporting for said civic duty. Part of me says that I should look at it as just another adventure on my quest to fabulousness (yes, I have made up yet another word because I'm wondering if that's the quest that I'm on...) but I am having some trouble looking at it that way. Maybe I can change that around before tomorrow morning; we'll see.
I was rereading some of my old posts and I realize that I was unable to accomplish one of the major things that I wanted to last year... I wanted to work on myself and not spending so much time worrying about the needs/wants of other people. I spent lots of time/energy/effort worrying about other people and what they need from me. In looking back at that, I realize that I am exhausted from doing so. I am exhausted both emotionally and physically (because I haven't slept as well as I should because of worrying about other people) and I know that I need to change some things in order to work on myself. If you've read other posts that I've written, you know that's a scary concept for me.
I've spent so much time trying to help other people that I've met along the way that I feel as if I've once again lost myself along the way. I don't like feeling as if I have to disappear in order to help those around me. I feel as if I've been working too hard on myself to either vanish or to mold myself once again into the person that someone else wants for me to be. Believe me, I know that I'm not perfect and that I have never been perfect but what's wrong with me? I have to get to the point that I'm okay with who I am and who I want to be. I have to become secure enough with who that is so when situations like this arise, I don't question who I am in order to help others.
Something else that I would like to do more of in the new year is to celebrate even my smallest (even if they're silly) accomplishments. Yesterday, for example, I checked the air pressure in the tires on my car and filled them to the pressure they were supposed to be at (the little light on the dashboard had turned on to tell me that the car was complaining about the tire pressure). I used the air machine at the gas station (because of course I had to top off the gas tank as well since it was pretty low) and luckily I had the quarters needed in order to make the machine work. I had never used one of those machines and had to determine which hose I needed (since it was the machine that was for both air and water). After I made sure I had the right hose, I proceeded to fill up the tires. Even though I'm sure I looked silly fighting with the hose to get it to go around my car all the way, I did what I needed to do and I felt accomplished.
Today I did something else for myself and I found out that my printer had wireless printing capabilities and I could hook up one of my electronic devices to print documents. I didn't know that I could do that so I was pretty excited! See, sometimes it's the silly things that have to be celebrated -- no matter how small or silly. =)
Well, dear readers, I hope you have a week full of positive adventures. For myself, I'm going to sign off and make sure I have the correct directions in order to report for jury duty tomorrow. Wish me luck!
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