News

I received some devastating (to me) news this past week and I am still attempting to process the news itself as well as the implications of it all...  Due to many different reasons, my dance instructor has decided to close her dance studio and take a break from teaching.  She's talking about the possibility of teaching again at some point but it won't be in "our" space.  Other than the fact the studio has been a home away from home of sorts for me, it has also been a haven.  Even though the studio is closing, I know that it won't be the end of dancing for me but it will be a change.  I will have to put more effort into working on my dancing at home and looking for opportunities to take classes/workshops elsewhere.  The troupe is still at least talking about/planning on performing together for different venues but I know that it won't be the same.  As I've written before, good-byes (even to a place) have never been easy for me...

I especially didn't need to hear this news right now (even though there probably wouldn't be a good time for me to receive this news).  My instructor gave us her announcement on the day that marked my third year at the dance studio.  I know that the choice is hers and hers alone but it wasn't news that I was wanting to hear.  I'm sure it's also tied into what today marks on the calendar...  I am waiting for the day when I can look at the calendar and not be reminded of what happened on this day, but this year isn't the year...  Granted, today hasn't been as bad as last year was but it hasn't been one of my better days.  Today marks the four year point of me essentially being single (today marks the day of the wasband leaving).

Like I said, today isn't as rough for me as this day has been in the past but just knowing what happened on this date has effected me more than I wanted it to.  I'm sure that part of it is due to it being around the holidays and that makes some aspects bittersweet.  I just have to try and focus on all of the good things that have occurred in the past four years and look towards the future good things that will come from that one day in my past.  There are times where I really need to stop, take a step back and remind myself all that marks is a day in my past and it's up to me how I move forward from this point.  Yes, the memories of what came to be can still be sad but they don't have to define me - I do have a choice in that matter, only if I'm willing to take control of it.

That's something that I really hope to work on in the upcoming weeks/months.  I want to feel as if I have more control over at least some of the aspects of my life.  I do know that in some aspects of my life, letting go of some of the control would actually be very beneficial for me but I do want to gain some over some of the other aspects of my life.  Yes, I realize that I may sound like a contradiction but that's just how I feel about things.

I guess on one hand, I should be thankful for that day four years ago because I have learned some important things about myself that I may not have learned otherwise.  Granted, there are days that I don't feel as if I've learned anything but there are other times that I look at what I've learned about myself and I'm amazed.  Even just being able to admit that is an accomplishment for me...  I think that's what I need to place the focus on...

I'll let everyone know how that turns out for me...