Confidence

Over the next several weeks/months, I am going to make a conscious effort to work on building my confidence. The past two weekends I have had two pretty big dance solo opportunities and they shook my confidence in different aspects. My performance on New Year's Eve, I was nervous and sick going into the performance and it wasn't my best solo in my opinion (and I am definitely, 100% my own worst critic). I had trouble with my costume change and opted not to wear my belt because I was out of time (and it makes me really dislike the pictures from my solo) and my balance was off since I was sick. Since I'm still not 100% better and I had a solo last night it shook my confidence some.

Last night, I had the opportunity to participate in a show titled, "Rising Stars of Belly Dance." The person who was in charge of the show contacted my instructor to see who from her studio would fall into that category and I was one out of 3 dancers who were selected. While I was honored it also made me question if I would be able to hold my own with some of the other dancers who I knew would be performing. I took care in working with my music, selecting my costume/accessories and took extra time in putting on my makeup. Needless to say, I looked the part and was able to camouflage my nerves. I was the second dancer to perform after the intermission. I had coughing "fits" during the first half of the show and right before my solo so that added to my nervousness because I didn't want to get up on stage and cough through my performance. However, as my introduction was read and my music started, I took a deep breath and transformed into "Gypsy" the performer. Honestly, it was one of the best solos I have performed in my two years of dancing.

I was confident, I commanded the crowd, my sword did (almost) exactly what I wanted it to (it slipped once or twice - but I was able to adjust it) and I didn't cough once! [Granted after I got off stage, I, of course, went into coughing spasms....] I was a fun opportunity to go out, watch other performers and realize that what types of performances used to impress me, don't necessarily anymore. I think part of that has to do since I have grown as a dancer, I know what it takes to put a performance together and I am able to catch subtle nuances that I missed before (since I didn't know to even look for them).

I received several compliments of my performance from accomplished dancers that I respect. One of the ones that touched me dearly came from my own instructor - on our way home (the performance was about an hour away and her husband drove us all in their van), my instructor told me that when I'm on stage it doesn't look like I've only been dancing for just over two years but I dance like I've been dancing for more than 20 and she should know (my instructor has been belly dancing for 41 years). A good dance friend of mine was at last night's performance too and she told me that I truly "come alive" when I'm soloing.

I guess what I need to do is remember the feeling from performing last night, channel it and carry it over into upcoming performances as well as other aspects of my life. I know that it's not going to be easy but nothing worth doing ever is easy...

I know that one of the aspects of my life that I need to bring some more confidence into (other than dancing) is at work. Since I got a slight promotion this past summer, there are some people that still treat me like I am not equal to them - that I am in a position below them when, in fact, I am in a position above them. Yes, that does sometimes happen when people have worked somewhere longer than you, yet you are the one who got the promotion but it is something that does make me just want to say, "I'm sorry" and do whatever they'd like me to do (even if I'm telling them they need to do the opposite). I guess this is just one more growth opportunity for me... I'll let you know how that all plays out... =)