After the event that changed so many people's lives, the wasband began to seriously consider joining the military. My brother also joined the military. My brother and the wasband met and then after some time, my brother introduced me to the wasband. Now, I know that me meeting the wasband and everything that happened after the fact is nothing in comparison to what other people experienced after that day but it has caused me to do a lot of thinking.
I know that in our lives, we make choices everyday. Some of these choices are simple (such as what am I going to wear or what am I going to eat for dinner) and some choices are more complex (such as taking a job, moving, going on a date, etc) but the point being that they are all choices. No one can make those choices for us; people we know and love can influence our decisions but they cannot make them for us. I know that when I am faced with a difficult decision in my life or have a difficult choice to make, I weigh my options and then I ask the opinions of my family and loved ones. I know full well that they will not make my choices or decisions for me (and it wouldn't be fair for me to ask them to or fair to me to have them make the decision for me) but their opinions matter to me.
Sometimes I find it difficult to just make a complex choice on my own because I am still struggling with one of the biggest choices of them all - - who am I/who do I want to be? There are still times that I don't have the answer to either one of those choices. Not that it was necessarily any easier when I was married (except for the biggest choice being that I was the "wasband's wife") but I did have someone to bounce ideas off of and help me through things.
I also had someone who could help give me a break from my choice of wanting to help whoever I can, however I can. I often find myself so buried under the weight that I'm carrying for my friends/coworkers/dance pals and I end up being almost unrecognizable. When I was married, I had someone who would offer to take that weight off of my shoulders, even if it was only for a short time, and give me a chance to stretch my legs so to say and not lose myself. I don't have that anymore. I don't have someone nearby to give me that break.
Some people have told me that has caused me to carry around overly "negative energy" wherever I go. Maybe it has and for that part of me wants to apologize. The other part of me doesn't want to apologize for that fact. Caring for others and helping to shoulder their load has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. With everything else I feel as if I've lost I don't want to lose that compassion for my friends on top of everything else.
So, if at times I get a little negative, that is another part of me that I will have to work on. We'll see how far that gets me.......
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